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Michael DeLaney

Justin Timberlake takes back the night from Take Back The Night

The night is for lovin’, not protection against sexual violence

Justin Timberlake loves the ladies. And the ladies love Justin Timberlake. But does Justin Timberlake love THE LADIES?

Justin Timberlake’s new song is called Take Back the Night. The song details typical Justin Timberlake-y sexual adventures with his female listeners. Apparently the night has been taken by someone (potentially the day?) and Justin Timberlake and his motley crew have come to collect. Here’s a little sample:

“Your love’s a weapon

Give your body some direction
That’s my aim
Then, we could 

Take back the night (etc)”

Unbeknownst to the Prince of Dirty Pop, Take Back the Night shares its name with The Take Back the Night Foundation. The foundation’s stated goal is to “create safe communities and respectful relationships through awareness events and initiatives.”

The Take Back the Night Foundation holds rallies and events dedicated to protesting rape and other forms of sexual violence against men and women. Many of these events are held at colleges and universities across the country.

Justin Timberlake didn’t go to college, so I guess that’s an excuse for never hearing about the foundation…right? After receiving notice from Take Back the Night’s Executive Director, Justin Timberlake addressed the situation with the following statement:

“Upon the release of my new single Take Back the Night, I was made aware of an organization of the same name called The Take Back the Night Foundation. I wanted to take this opportunity to let all know that neither my song nor its lyrics have any association with the organization.

As I’ve learned more about The Take Back the Night Foundation, I’m moved by its efforts to stop violence against women, create safe communities and encourage respectful relationships for women — Something we all should rally around. It is my hope that this coincidence will bring more awareness to this cause.”

So was this an honest mistake from Justin Timberlake, the former Mouseketeer? Or does this reveal a more misogynistic agenda from the one-time marionette? Is there more than just a dick in his box? Could there also possibly be…villainy?

Boardwalk Empire season 4 trailer

And it’s kind of poorly dubbed

HBO has released a full-length trailer for the fourth season of Boardwalk Empire, which premieres September 8th. The trailer brings us familiar characters such as Steve Buscemi’s Nucky Thompson, as well as new ones such as Jeffrey Wright’s Dr. Valentin Narcisse.

Boardwalk Empire’s new season seems to be placing Nucky back on top as the King of Atlantic City, having overcome the forces of the completely asinine and cartoonish Gyp Rosetti. Rosetti’s trademark seemed to be beating the shit out of anyone who looked at him the wrong way, which made the show become something of a farce. Hopefully Boardwalk newcomer Jeffery Wright will be a more welcome addition this season.

Jeffrey Wright isn’t the only actor having his freshman season on Boardwalk Empire. Office Space star Ron Livingston will also be appearing this season, and what brings him to town is “not exactly a national secret,” as he puts it; which might as well make it a national secret.

The new Boardwalk Empire trailer promises to bring back everyone’s gangster favorites, including Al Capone, Lucky Luciano, Chalky White and even half-face himself, Richard Harrow.

One character who is decidedly missing from the trailer is Margaret Schroeder/Thompson/Schroeder again. The resident female protagonist of Boardwalk Empire recently hit splitsville with Nucky Thompson at Season 3’s end.

Hopefully her character’s story isn’t over yet. However, if you check out the trailer’s comment section you’ll find quite a few viewers pleased at her absence. Probably because girls are not as cool as guns are – POW POW! BANG BANG!

Also not featured in the trailer is Michael Shannon’s former Agent Van Alden. Since being on the run from Johnny Law, Van Alden has been appearing more and more infrequently, implying that someday he may very well evaporate into the mist.

Much to my dismay it would also seem that Boardwalk Empire’s viper/mommy dearest/murderer Gillian Darmody is still alive and kicking, unfortunately. She is the worst.

One thing that bothered me about the trailer was the shoddy job they did with their audio editing. The lines are so clearly cut and paste as HBO saw fit that it sounds like robot gangsters performing them.

Boardwalk Empire returns to HBO on Sunday September 8th


Adam Sandler tops Pacific Rim

Guillermo del Toro weeps

Adam Sandler, the creative mind behind the Schindler’s List of comedic films Jack and Jill, wants to let you know that robots and monsters can’t stop his moronic onslaught.

Adam Sandler beat Pacific Rim at the box office this weekend. Let me repeat that so you can fully realize the inherent stupidity of that statement: Adam Sandler beat Pacific Rim at the box office this weekend.

Adam Sandler’s victory over Pacific Rim is due to the success of his high-concept film Grown Ups 2: a movie about adult men who still just can’t seem to grow up! Grown Ups 2 placed in second for the weekend box office with a gross of $42.5 million. Adam Sandler’s Pietà of a film followed Despicable Me 2, which made $44.8 million in its second weekend.

Trailing behind the minions and the morons was Pacific Rim, Guillermo del Toro’s sci-fi action romp, which grossed $38.3 million over the weekend. Guillermo del Toro is the modern-day monster master (say that five times fast.) But apparently when it comes to the average American movie-goer, modern-day monster master just can’t stack up against the humor found in the perpetual adolescence of Adam Sandler, Kevin James, Chris Rock and David Spade.

Grown Ups 2 is of course the sequel to 2010’s Grown Ups, both films consisting of the group of comedy queefs running around screaming “We’re still relevant!” *Fart Noise!*

I’ve seen the trailer for Grown Ups 2 more times than I’d like to admit. Given this knowledge, I’d now like to share with you my favorite scene:

Adam Sandler has moved his family to a small town outside of the city. One morning he wakes up next to his beautiful wife played by Salma Hayek, because Adam Sandler must be married to a supermodel beauty in his movies. (Sidenote: by all appearances, Hayek must’ve been paid handsomely to thoroughly cleave up her cleavage for Grown Ups 2.) Adam Sandler notices that there is a deer in his bedroom (because we are in Smalltown, USA after all, and these things happen!) he startles the deer, who of course causes a ruckuss in the house, but not before peeing all over Adam Sandler!

Classic deer piss joke, Mr. Sandler.

What lies ahead for George Zimmerman?

Reactions to the verdict and legal future

If you were hiking in the wilderness for the past several days or just happen to be sobering up from a weekend bender, then you may have missed it: George Zimmerman was acquitted of murder charges.

George Zimmerman was found not guilty of both second-degree murder and manslaughter of Trayvon Martin on Saturday July 13. The Zimmerman verdict has stirred up a significant emotional reaction across the country from Americans of all backgrounds. Law enforcement worried that the news of George Zimmerman’s trial might lead to violence and riots in response.

Though the majority of the public responses to the Zimmerman verdict were peaceful rallies, there were a few instances of violence. In Oakland, California particularly there were reports of vandalism, property damage a few arrests.

The bulk of the reactions to the George Zimmerman trial were merely vocalizations of disappointment in the justice system. President Obama even commented on the case, saying that despite this being a tragedy “we are a nation of laws, and a jury has spoken. I now ask every American to respect the call for calm reflection from two parents who lost their young son.”

Though a jury has indeed spoken on the George Zimmerman case, it is highly unlikely that the 29-year-old’s struggle, both personal and legal is even close to being over. George Zimmerman’s attorney Mark O’Mara knows that there is a difficult road ahead for his client. In a report with CBS News O’Mara said:

“I’m sure that if he could wave his magic wand he would just sort of get his life back…He has to be very cautious and protective of his safety because there is still a fringe element who has said at least in tweets and everything else that they want revenge.”

Since being acquitted of murder charges, George Zimmerman is still legally allowed to carry a concealed weapon, even the gun that killed Trayvon Martin. Whether or not someone would attempt to harm George Zimmerman is anyone’s guess, but he will have the right to protect himself.

In terms of his legal future, this may not be the last time that George Zimmerman will enter a courtroom in regards to the death of Trayvon Martin. The NAACP has called for a civil rights case from the Justice Department, but it doesn’t seem that any such case will be filed in the immediate future.

Atlanta civil litigator Lance LaRusso told NBC 11 that the Florida Stand Your Ground law that initially protected George Zimmerman from a criminal case could potentially protect him from a civil case as well.

The Zimmerman verdict leaves many Americans across the country divided on the issues of race, gun laws and gun violence. George Zimmerman may intend to slip away and live a quiet life, but it is doubtful that this is the last we will hear of him and the killing of Trayvon Martin in the news.

Paula Abdul hosts So You Think You Can Dance, MC Skat Kat still MIA

Opposites Attract

The latest news related to dancing and thinking about it concerns Paula Abdul.

Paula Abdul will be appearing as a guest host on tonight’s episode of So You Think You Can Dance. This news will most likely please fans of “classic” American Idol, in which Paula Abdul also served as a judge.

The real question is what does MC Skat Kat think about all of this? Fans of 80s pop/hip-hop will of course recognize MC Skat Kat as Paula Abdul’s former cartoon cat dance partner and alleged lover from her 1989 music video “Opposites Attract.”

As stated by the Virgin Records album press kit, Skat Kat was a “street philosopher with an alley Kat point of view.” They went on to say that “He enjoys rapping and dancing, has “got an eye for the ladies and remains on the smooth tip with an old school rap influence which adds the street to his new school hip hop.”

After “Opposites Attract,” MC Skat Kat and Paula Abdul parted ways for all intents and purposes. MC Skat Kat tried to forge his own path without Paula Abdul, and in 1991 he released his album The Adventures of MC Skat Kat and the Stray Mob, which was a critical flop.

Following the failure of his solo album, the former Paula Abdul beau recorded a recycling PSA for the Take It Back foundation with many popular artists of the time – Stevie Wonder, Kenny Loggins and Queen Latifah among them.

Since that time it has been rumored that MC Skat Kat has almost exclusively remained a shut-in, refusing to speak to the press and former collaborators. It’s possible that Paula Abdul is among these individuals cut off from the cartoon cat’s life.

In theory, MC Skat Kat could still be coaching Paula Abdul, silently advising her on her various career moves throughout the past several decades.

It’s anyone’s guess if these two hip-hop legends are still in communication. On the one hand they don’t have a lot in common; on the other hand, that’s what made them fit together so well.

As the song goes:

“I take two steps forward, I take two steps back. We come together cuz opposites attract. And you know–it ain’t fiction, just a natural fact. We come together cuz opposites attract”

So You Think You Can Dance airs tonight at 8PM EST

Captain America: The Winter Soldier poster

We don’t have it, but I’ll sure talk about it!

“When Captain America throws his mighty shield, all those who choose to oppose his shield must yield!”

Captain America: The Winter Soldier, the sequel to 2011’s Captain America: The First Avenger doesn’t hit theaters until spring 2014, but today Marvel Studios released the first teaser poster for the film.

Of course since we here at College News don’t have the rights to said image we can’t exactly show you the poster. You can find it in a number of other places, including the Facebook page for Captain America: The Winter Soldier.

The first official poster for the next Captain America film is of Captain America’s iconic shield. The image shows that the vibranium shield, indestructible though it may be, is in need of a paint job every now and then.

The title of Captain America: The Winter Soldier of course implies a lot for fans of the Captain America comic book series of the past decade. Written by comic book fantastico Ed Brubaker, the initial arc of his Captain America run detailed the Star-Spangled Avenger tracking down the shadowy KGB assassin the Winter Soldier, who turned out to be ………………..





Captain America’s sidekick Bucky Barnes! What may at first seem like a cheap stunt became the foundation for the most popular Captain America comic book runs in recent memory.

Bucky Barnes (played by Sebastian Stan) appeared in the first Captain America film not as a sidekick, but as a military sharpshooter and equal to young Steve Rogers. Poor Bucky fell to his “death” in that film, leaving the door wide open for his KGB-brainwashed return.

Not much else about Captain America: The Winter Soldier has been revealed besides the majority of its cast list. Returning in the title role is Chris Evans, as well as his The Avengers co-stars Samuel L. Jackson and Scarlett Johannson as Nick Fury and The Black Widow, respectively.

Veteran actor Robert Redford will be playing senior SHIELD advisor Alexander Pierce and The Hurt Locker co-star Anthony Mackie will be playing Captain America’s superhero colleague The Falcon.

Stacy Keibler and George Clooney split

WWE Diva and nipple-plated Batman break up

George Clooney and his girlfriend Stacy Keibler have broken up, after having been together for two years.

Stacy Keibler (no relation to the Keebler elves) is a 33-year-old actress, wrestler and model. Prior to her two-year-stint as the best looking piece of Clooney’s Red Carpet formal wear, Stacy Keibler was a wrestling “Diva.”

Stacy Keibler spent seven years of career as a part of the WWE and the WCW, along with whatever other wrestling acronym that came and went in the early 2000s. Stacy Keibler AKA “The Duchess of Dudleyville” AKA “Super Stacy” AKA “The Legs of the WCW” AKA “Legs of Mass Seduction” is still amicable with George Clooney. The 52-year-old Clooney and Stacy Keibler remain friends and apparently talk everyday, according to People magazine.

It is unclear at this time if the breakup between George Clooney and Stacy Keibler was mutual or not. If there was a fight however, I’d put my money on the wrestler lady – her finishing move was a spinning heel kick, after all.

George Clooney, nipple-studded star of Batman & Robin, will undoubtedly pick himself up and move on to bigger and better things. This fall he stars in a film called Gravity with Sandra Bullock. From the trailer, Gravity seems to be about Sandra Bullock aimlessly floating into space while George Clooney watches from a distance; presumably lamenting on his next Darfur TV spot.

Stacy Keibler is making similar strides (but actually not really) on the Lifetime network for a show called Supermarket Superstar. The series will be hosted by Stacy Keibler and will be based on a reality competition for average Americans to show that they have the next great American supermarket product and become the next Chef Boyardee. Gee, what an honor.

Representatives of Stacy Keibler or George Clooney have yet to comment on the story.

Golden Corral dumpster burgers

A tale of lies, extortion and raw meat

Golden Corral describes itself as “real, wholesome foods in a family-friendly atmosphere at a great value.” In the past week it would seem that that atmosphere includes “storing” raw hamburger patties and ribs by a fly-rattled dumpster.

Golden Corral, the popular restaurant chain that your grandparents just can’t get enough of, is currently under investigation for health code violations. The franchise in question is a Golden Corral in Port Orange, Fla., where an employee made a YouTube video documenting the ill-advised storage practices.

The Golden Corral employee who made the video is Brandon Huber, who posted the video to Reddit shortly after recording it. Huber also uploaded pictures of the Golden Corral kitchen, which was littered with dirty dishes and excessive amounts of garbage.

In the video Huber notes that the Golden Corral franchise is due for an upcoming health inspection, saying:

“Apparently what my company likes to do to get ready for inspections is to put their food by the dumpsters.”

He further describes his disappointment with his restaurant:

“To me this is disgusting,” Huber says on the video. “I’m an employee here. I’ve been working here for a long time. I don’t feel this is right.” 

Huber’s video has accumulated over 280,000 views on YouTube and thousands of comments. In an example of utter lack of ingenuity one such commenter proclaimed Huber as “the Edward Snowden of the buffet business.”

Yesterday the Consumerist reported a statement issued by Golden Corral:

“A video was recently posted showing an incident of improper food handling at our Port Orange, Florida location. None of these items were served to a single customer.”

“All were destroyed within the hour at the direction of management… The manager involved in the improper storage was terminated for failing to follow approved food handling procedures.”

Given the PR disaster that Golden Corral has on its hands, it’s not very surprising that they let the manager go. However the more interesting tidbit from the statement indicates that young Mr. Huber may have had prior knowledge of these questionable practices, and even attempted to profit from it.

“The following day, the father of the employee posted an offer to sell the video for $5,000, which was not accepted,” the Consumerist reports.

So the little bugger was trying to strong arm Golden Corral, eh? Looks like the would-be whistleblower doesn’t have a heart of gold after all.

Huber has not been fired by the restaurant chain, but has been sent on paid leave for the time being.

This is just the latest in a series of health concerns from nation-wide chain restaurants. Golden Corrals in particular have had a few run-ins with the health department over the past several years, with violations including salmonella as well as rodent and roach infestations.

So for the time being it might be best to direct ol’ Grandpa Jessup to a Cracker Barrel or some other restaurant.

Better yet invite him over to your place for his next meal. I’m sure ol’ Grandpa Jessup could use the company.

Forest swastika

Aryan agriculture

Are you interested in symbols of hope and good will being transformed into markers of oppression and hate? How about the art of stylistic forestry and horticulture? If you answered yes to one or both of these questions, then the story of the forest swastika might be one that you might enjoy.

The forest swastika was a modern marvel of vitriolic vegetation that had been in existence since the reign of that famous failed German singer Adolf Hitler. The forest swastika was a group of larch trees that resides in Brandenburg, in northeastern Germany. What may have been a cultivator’s botched attempt at a German woodland maze, the forest swastika’s origin is as big of a mystery as the Führer’s favorite Hanukah game.

Some rumors say that the forest swastika was planted by members of the Hitler Youth as a present for the hateful Hitler. If that was the case, then they little runts forgot to put a bow on this pissy present; what gives, tiny hate mongers?

The forest swastika went unnoticed for some time after the Führer’s fall, mainly due to its sneaky Nazi camoflauge. The leaves of the larch trees that make up the forest swastika turn to a bright yellow-orange during a few weeks in the fall and spring, causing them to stand out. For the remainder of the year it stays hidden among the greener greens of the forest.

The Communist establishment who took over after the Nazis’ departure apparently knew about the forest swastika but those darn commies decided against this particular form of deforestation. In 1992 the reunified democratic German government did an aerial survey of the area and noticed the fury of the forest swastika, and demanded it to be removed.

Without the existence of a bigoted Nazi Lorax, these totalitarian trees had no one to speak for them and 40 of them were chopped down in an attempt to reshape the forest. Despite this quadragesimal cut-down, the forest swastika continued to appear in mid-2000, like a patch of zombified tyrant plants.

Though they had no Nazi Lorax, the trees remained protected by the questionable legal status of the land that housed the forest swastika. After much debate however, it was finally decided that the forest swastika would be chopped down in December 2000.

And so it was that the forest swastika was sentenced to death for war crimes. It’s likely that even the huggiest of tree huggers yelled timber (or whatever is German for timber) during the mass chopping of this evil formation of trees: the forest swastika. 

Dexter recap

Boring. So very boring.

Thus far, Dexter’s final season is feeling quite…un-Dextery. Showtime’s successful serial killer drama starring Michael C. Hall has arrived at its last season, with the second episode airing last night.

Dexter’s latest chapter “Every Silver Lining” is a tale about monsters and the monsters that they create; and not a particularly good tale at that. The basic gist of this season so far is that Dexter has destroyed his sister Deb by turning her into a killer and moreover, a broken woman.

The Deb of season 8 is all boozy and wastrel-like, playing the dirty cop turned private eye who chooses her own hours and sleeps with the enemy. Having cut herself off from Dexter, (who provides her with her best scenes) Deb’s troubled life just isn’t that compelling. When Dexter does pop in to check in on dear old Deb, she is the verge of being emotionally interesting before she inevitably tells Dex to fuck off and leave.

It seems that after having killed LaGuerta, the itch to turn to murder has become far easier for Deb to scratch. We discover that she offs a hitman named El Sapo and steals his bejeweled prizes. Oh Dexter, what have you done to poor Deb?

Cue Buster Bluth: “I’M A MONSTER!!!”

Dexter is then forced to cover up for his sister and pulls the old switcheroo in the what has to be the most poorly moderated evidence room in the United States.

Though not entirely captivating, but certainly more intriguing than Deb, is the storyline with Dexter and his new mother figure Dr. Evelyn Vogel. Vogel came onto the scene in last week’s premiere and clearly had an interest in our boy Dexter.

We discover that Vogel was a friend of Dexter’s dad Harry, and even helped him create “The Code” that Dexter lives and kills by. Vogel enlists Dexter’s help in hunting down Miami’s latest serial killer “The Brain Surgeon” (as dubbed by Quinn.)

Said Brain Surgeon left a piece of his latest kill on Vogel’s front door, leading her to believe that it is a disgruntled former patient of hers. Dexter reluctantly “takes the case,” in part because that is what he does, and also because he’s always wanted a mommy. More psychopath psychoanalysis!

Vogel has this dumbass theory that psychopaths are “alpha wolves” who “help the human race survive long enough to become civilized” and that “without psychopaths, mankind would not exist today.” Whatever you say mommy dearest.

This plot could build into something entertaining; with Dexter having some cognitive dissonance between what his “mother” is telling him and what his projection of his dead father is telling him. I hope that the series’ creative staff doesn’t go with the completely obvious route of revealing Vogel to be the Brain Surgeon however.

There is of course another subplot involving Quinn, the character that no one seems to know what to do with, and the Batista family. Quinn is dating Batista’s sister Jamie and Batista wants Quinn to get some responsibility and blah blah blah blah.

With all of the late night boinking and dining that Jamie and Quinn, do I just want to know WHO THE HELL IS WATCHING DEXTER’S SON?!?!?

Dexter Season 8 is off to a very rough start in my opinion. There are a lot of factors at work that will most likely converge at some point, but they don’t really grab my attention. Hopefully the show can dial the tension up and make Dexter at least moderately exciting.

I know it doesn’t need to be said, and it is said far too often, but I miss the Trinity Killer…