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Michael Douglas links throat cancer to HPV

Michael DeLaney

Oral sex does not equal cancer FYI

Michael Douglas is either severely misunderstood or all sorts of crazytown banana pants.

Over the weekend news broke that Michael Douglas said to The Guardian that his throat cancer is caused by oral sex…and also cured by it?

Michael Douglas was diagnosed with throat cancer in 2010, believing it to be the result of heavy drinking and smoking, and you know, science. Now he has gone back on that statement, instead blaming the cancer on HPV (human papillomavirus.)

Douglas said, “Without wanting to get too specific, this particular cancer is caused by HPV, which actually comes about from cunnilingus.”

Truth be told, this is probably one of the stranger sentences to exit the mouth of a human being. Nevertheless, after careful examination, it must be said that Michael Douglas never actually claimed that his cancer was caused by oral sex.

While Douglas linked his cancer to HPV and also linked HPV to cunnilingus, he never connected all of these dots in one sweeping statement. In other words, A=B and B=C but A does not necessarily equal C.  No transitive property at work here folks! This confusion has since been cleared up in the press by Michael Douglas’ rep Allen Burry as well.

Along with being an over-enthusiast of the smoke and the drink, Michael Douglas is also a sex addict. So while his statements may seem a little ludicrous, the man who played Gordon Gekko might know a thing or two about the STDs. 

The interview with The Guardian revealed that Douglas also seems to subscribe to the notion that oral sex can cure the cancer just as it causes it.

“But yeah, it’s a sexually transmitted disease that causes cancer.” He shrugs. “And if you have it, cunnilingus is also the best cure for it.”

Now this just confuses me. Which side of the great cunnilingus debate does Michael Douglas stand on? We must know!

Douglas’ wife Catherine Zeta-Jones is probably interested to hear the answer as well.

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