Q: I’m Helplessly in Love with My Roommate…
A: Well, this happens to the best of us, and while the results aren’t always what we’d hoped for, don’t despair!
The roommate-to-roommate dynamic is a fragile one. You depend on one another to help out around the house, respect each other’s space, and split the bills evenly. Once that friendship becomes something more than just folding the towels, though, people are more likely to ignore the previously established dynamic. (And that makes sense… it would be kind of weird to lock your boyfriend out of your bedroom because you had to flick your bean.)
This isn’t to say that your roommate should be off-limits romantically. We never know how we’re going to meet our one-and-only, and falling in love with your roommate seems like a far better option than your Calculus professor or the homeless guy you pass on the way to the gym. It actually makes a lot of sense given the amount of time that you spend together. (Or alone… wondering what he or she is up to in that bed of theirs.) So if you just can’t fight that lovin’ feelin’ any longer, bear in mind that there is a right way to approach this and a wrong way.
First off, if your living situation has become uncomfortable – if you’re feeling jealous, anxious, depressed, or obsessive – you can’t put this off any longer; things will only get worse. You have a few different choices here, and your decision will likely depend on whether or not you suspect that your roommate is experiencing similar feelings.
1. You can move out.
2. You can ask your roommate to move out.
3. You can let your roommate know your feelings and see if he or she feels the same way.
The first two options are pure cowardice and are reserved for those lurking among us lacking any sort of character. If you cut bait and bail, you will never know what might have been had you spoken up, and you will never gain any sense of closure from this situation. People who don’t learn to express themselves only recede deeper and deeper into their hollow shells until they wake up one morning and realize that life has completely pass them by…
… Which is why I strongly suggest discussing your feelings with your roommate. It’s never easy to put yourself out there, especially when so much is at stake, but you have to get this off of your chest regardless of the results. Best case scenario: you’re embarking on a new relationship with someone whom you know that you can be close with. Worst case scenario: you’re shot down in a blaze of glory, but at least that anxiety will finally be lifted, and you can pat yourself on the back for choosing the more difficult path rather than just tucking tail and scampering off into chicken shit central.
If someone has to move out (which, let’s face it, someone probably should even if you two decide to go for it), it’s best to do so quickly to avoid any awkward tension (in the event things go poorly) or to preserve boundaries early on in a relationship (in the event things go swimmingly).
Here on Roommates.com, you can browse through thousands of individual profiles, cross-reference hobbies, interests, professions, and living preferences, and connect with the perfect roommate! When you join for free today, you have instant access to:
· A photo profile
· 2-way matching
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· Potential roommate contacts
Regardless of what happens, know that you’ve done the brave and responsible thing. It might alter your living situation, but that’s a small price to pay to maintain your sanity.