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Elif Geris

I’m a Creative Writing major at the University of Illinois at Chicago, which does not have a journalism program.

My (and your) response to that: WHUCK?!

But it’s okay. Almost as much as I love to report world events to you, I love to write fiction stories that normally entail someone getting lost somewhere. And a lot of the time, I get my writing inspiration from music; Royksopp, Radiohead, Air, Regina Spektor. To me, music completes everything.

On the side of writing, I play piano, sing and write music.

And do impressions. My mockery inspirations range from Kristen Wiig’s “Penelope,” to high school classmates, to Bill Hader’s eyebrows, to 1940s film actor voices. One of my favorite impressions is a kid in my high school senior year trigonometry class who didn’t seem to understand much of the concept. But he, nevertheless, would constantly utter the word, “Troo,” while the teacher was explaining an equation.

A lot of the time, I just like to ridicule my own existence. I like to add a Southern twang while speaking Turkish or French; every Turk I’ve met has told me I have a very noticeable accent, and that my sister’s is…well…less blemished. And I enjoy acting like a Sim with her and fellow “ The Sims” players. Sool sool if you’re reading this!

Speaking of Sims, my traumatic experiences with The Grim Reaper taught me how to really take care of myself.

I recently do not like people who are too mysterious. The movie, Drive –which I give a 70% – taught me to stay away from attractive people, who stare at you for extensive periods of time with doughy eyes.

I admire quirky people like Kristen Wiig – one of my greatest idols – who are unafraid to make themselves appear ugly or “Target Lady” to make other people laugh. I like to think that my insignificantly pathetic moments serve just that purpose.

There’s a “pAAHsitive” spin!

Suri Cruise and Katie Holmes get in a car crash

Suri Cruise was on her way home when a garbage truck hit

Katie Holmes and Suri Cruise were on their way home, when a garbage truck hit the side of the car the 33-year-old and six-year-old were in. Nobody was hurt, but Suri Cruise cried in fear. And Suri Cruise was seen with father Tom Cruise for the first time since his divorce with actress Katie Holmes, and since his absence due to filming.

There are scratches and a dent on the side of the car involved in the accident. Suri Cruise and Holmes were on their way home from Cruise’s gymnastics practice.

Meanwhile, Tom Cruise was finally able to spend the day with Suri Cruise, now that he is back from filming internationally for the upcoming Oblivion. Holmes has full custody over Suri Cruise, according to Access Hollywood.

Also according to Access Hollywood, Suri Cruise will begin school in the fall in New York City, where she will be living with her mother.

According to Reuters, an investigation over the car crash is currently in progress. The garbage truck company may be at fault if the driver was working at the time of the crash. In such a case, Classic Recycling of Clifton, N.J., the company the truck belonged to, would be liable for payment of damages.

The fake Kate Middleton resurfaces on "Marie Claire South Africa" cover page

“Marie Claire South Africa” plastered a fake Kate Middleton to its cover page

The fake Kate Middleton is on August’s South African cover of Marie Claire. The cover features Kate Middleton’s head plastered onto a model’s body, who dons a colorful safari themed dress by a South African designer.

The fake Kate Middleton materialized after Middleton refused to be on the magazine cover. According to Examiner.com the Duchess prefers not to be viewed as a style icon.

On the fake Kate Middleton, the Marie Claire South Africa editor said, “We were so inspired by her fairytale wedding and her life as a modern-day princess, which is why we elected Kate Middleton as our cover star for the August issue but upon closer inspection, the cover is — much like her life — more fantasy than reality.”

Marie Claire South Africa never gained permission from Middleton to use her on its cover. Middleton has been requested for cover shoots by several fashion magazines since her marriage to Prince William, and has thus far never agreed to one.

According to The Inquistr, “so far, it is believed that Anna Wintour, the editor of Vogue, will probably be the first to score the coveted interview,” though last year, Middleton refused Vogue.

Also according to The Inquistr, a royal representative said, “That’s [fashion] not what they are about and they take their royal duties far too seriously to, in one sense, trivialize them.”

Despite that goal, the fake Kate Middleton has made other cameos recently. Last week, the fake Kate Middleton graced the cover of England’s The Republic, with yellow, decaying teeth that were accompanied by dark gums.

Mermaid body found confusion restored

Mermaid body found myth continues to confuse

The mermaid body found myth confused many after Animal Planet aired Mermaids: The Body Found Sunday, though the movie originally aired in May. Mermaids: The Body Found is a documentary style movie that presents a mermaid body found buried on the beach by The National Oceanic Atmospheric Administration (NOAA).

According to WebProNews, the synopsis of the mockumentary led to the mermaid body found confusion, and included that “They recovered 30% of the remains of an unknown creature from inside a great white shark which was said to possess attributes of the human body.”

After all the confusion, The NOAA urgently released a disclaimer in May that the mermaid body found was not real, and this opened viewers’ eyes to the fact the movie was actually a mockumentary.

The statement by The NOAA concerning the mermaid body found myth included that, “Mermaids – those half-human, half-fish sirens of the sea – are legendary sea creatures chronicled in maritime cultures since time immemorial,” adding, “But are mermaids real? No evidence of aquatic humanoids has ever been found.”

The mermaid body found myth can be cleared with the knowledge that all the mermaid bodies featured in Mermaids: The Body Found are computer generated images (CGI).

WebProNews contributor Todd Rigney wrote, “So stop freaking out and quit believing everything you see or hear on television.”

The Discovery Channel defended the public’s confusion and pondered, “What if there’s a kernel of truth behind the legend of this mythic creature? Is the idea of mermaids really so far-fetched? Maybe so, maybe not. The show itself, though science fiction, is based on some real events and scientific theory.”

Octomom violates stripping contract and relocates performance

Octomom disgusts some with her stiffness on stage

Octomom, a.k.a. Nadya Suleman, is at it again, and this time the mother of 14 stripped at a Florida strip club that was not the one she signed a contract to perform in. Insulted by a bartender who called Octomom “crazy” in a news report, Octomom relocated her stripping act to Playhouse South gentlemen’s club in Hallandale, Fl.

The original Octomom gig was scheduled to take place in Florida’s T’s Lounge, so the club sued her for canceling. 

T’s Lounge demanded a $15,000 reimbursement toward the hiring process. The original contract entailed that Octomom agreed not to perform at any club within 50 miles from T’s Lounge within 90 days of the contracted gigs.

The relocated Octomom performance lured 400 people, which worked in the favor of the other strippers. Octomom donned a school girl outfit, and stripped down antoher layer of Eyes Wide Shut inspired get-up.

“Oh my God, she can’t dance. But it’s good for the rest of us girls because she made it a busy Friday night….” a co- stripper said. “She’s really stiff.”

According to ABC News, Octomom earned $5,000 for stripping that night, plus profit from t-shirts that read, “I saw Octomom naked at the Playhouse South.”

Complaints of disgust on Twitter stemmed from the Octomom performance. Miss_Binky wrote, “Seeing these pics of Octomom performing just ruined my day. SO. MANY. STRETCH MARKS.” 

Octomom gained her pseudonym by giving birth to octuplets through in vitro fertilization (IVF); though, she already had six children prior. Octomom had her octuplets with a sperm donor.

According to E! News, the owner of T’s Lounge welcomes Octomom in the event that she and the club make amends.

Dentist HIV risk: 8000 advised to get checked

The dentist HIV risk is the result of recycled syringe use

Syringes and needles may be recycled in the offices of Dr. Stephen Stein, a dentist in Highlands Ranch, Colo., and Denver, according to The Colorado Department of Public Health, causing the dentist HIV risk.

The dentist HIV risk was brought to the attention of state officials by reports at Dr. Stein’s offices, alleging unsafe injections. The possible dangers Dr. Stein’s patients could face are illnesses like HIV, Hepatitis B or Hepatitis C.”

According to International Business Times, these fears are still ongoing. Patients who may already be at risk for the dentist HIV are those who patients of Dr. Stein between September 1999 and June 2011. Those especially at risk are patients who were put under sedation.

The Colorado Department of Public Health said, “Notifications are being sent to patients for whom the department believes it has correct contact information,” adding, “Those patients should receive the letters within the next few days.”

Letters have been sent to 8,000 patients who are at risk of the dentist HIV.

Reuters reported that Dr. Stein had his license suspended for a private reason last year. But what is known is that the suspension was unrelated to the dentist HIV risk. Reuters also wrote that “Lynn Kimbrough, a spokeswoman for the U.S. Attorney’s Office in Denver, said Stein was already the target of a criminal probe for possible prescription fraud before the allegations emerged about reusing syringes.”

RedOrbit wrote that the agreement between Dr. Stein and state officials was that Stein committed the practices “deliberately and willfully.”

Michael Clarke Duncan goes into cardiac arrest

Michael Clarke Duncan is rescued by his girlfriend

Michael Clarke Duncan, 54, suffered a heart attack Friday at two a.m. and his girlfriend, The Apprentice veteran Omarosa Manigault-Stallworth, saved his life using CPR after he went into a cardiac arrest.

Michael Clarke Duncan was then rushed to the ICU in Los Angeles, and doctors are trying to find out the reason why his heart stopped.

Michael Clarke Duncan’s publicist said, “According to doctors, Michael Clarke Duncan suffered a myocardial infarction early Friday morning (July 13th). He is now stable and we look forward to his full recovery.”

Friends who visited Michael Clarke Duncan said he looks well, and now the main goal is to figure out what went wrong. In the meantime, Michael Clarke Duncan’s full recovery is expected shortly.

Michael Clarke Duncan starred in The Green Mile, Armageddon and Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby. The year 1999’s The Green Mile was his biggest role.

Michael Clarke Duncan has been dating Manigault since 2010, and she is currently by his side at the hospital. Duncan’s current project is on the television drama The Finder.
 

Madonna swastika video causes a stir in France

French right wing party to file a complaint against the Madonna swastika

French right-wing party, National Front, threatened to sue Madonna if she showed a montage flashing a swastika across the party leader’s forehead in France. But Madonna inevitably did present the Madonna swastika in concert at Stade de France on Bastille Day over the weekend. Madonna also flashed a nipple on stage in Istanbul, and when in Rome, flashed a buttock.

According to ABC News, the French party provoked by the Madonna swastika video has a goal of limiting Muslim immigration in France.

National Front leader Marine Le Pen flashed on the screen momentarily, and shortly after, a swastika popped up on Le Pen’s forehead. Immediately after the Madonna swastika shot, Madonna’s face donned a mustache that resembled Hitler’s.

Madonna has been well-known for her controversial messages. On the Madonna swastika incident, ABC News consultant Howard Bragman said, “For the last 25 or 30 years she has always mixed music with controversy but it’s never been controversy for the sake of controversy,” adding, “It’s inevitable that when Madonna generates controversy she’s making a point about something.”

National Front spokesman, Florian Philippot, said, “But what seems to me even more serious is the trivialization of Nazism, of something that is horrible. They are, after all, diffusing images of Hitler during a show to be provocative.”

According to CBC News, another National Front spokesman, Alain Vizier, will file a complaint in French court next week, in response to the Madonna swastika “insult.” As the successor to her father as head of National Front, Le Pen has tried to lessen the party’s image of anti-Semitism and racism, but feels the excess Muslim population has faltered in adapting to French lifestyle. 

Also according to CBC News, a French anti-racism group named SOS Racisme supports Madonna’s messages of Feminism, as well as anti-racism in the Madonna swastika montage.

The Madonna swastika video also presents shots of Pope Benedict XVI, Chinese President Hu Jintao and former Egyptian president Hosni Mubarak. 

Philippot called the montage a “Declaration of war,” assuming that part of Madonna’s audience had to have included National Front supporters. But only cheers could be heard at Stade de France after the scenes were shown. 

Samsung Galaxy S3 will likely trump Apple iPhone 5 sales

Samsung Galaxy S3 vs. Apple’s annual upgrade

Samsung tops Apple’s sales with its constant launchings of new models, including its Galaxy S3 while Apple only launches a new model annually. And, according to CNet News, Samsung has sold 15.7 million more phones than Nokia in the second quarter, as opposed to the 5.4 million difference in the last quarter. 

Also, according to CNet News, the Samsung is expected to sell at least 19 million phones with the release of the Galaxy S3 by the end of the year. 

The Galaxy S3, as well as the Galaxy S2, is expected to bring Samsung the most sales. The Galaxy S3 features include indoor map viewing. With a red case to complete the Galaxy S3’s image of progress, CNet News called the Galaxy S3 “The little red corvette of a phone.”

To top that, the Galaxy S3 uses Mugen Power Batteries’s 2300 milliamp hour (mAp) extended battery. Mugen Power Batteries gives the Galaxy S3 extended battery life by 10%. Mugen Power Batteries are also used in high quality products like digital cameras, portable DVD players and MP3 players, among others.

Nikolai Lebedovsky, marketing manager at eTrade Asia Ltd., said, “Samsung Galaxy S3 owners are often reported to complain about short battery life of the device. We worked hard on this project and managed to fit additional 200mAh capacity into same size as original battery. Our solution gives customers added battery life to stay connected longer without recharges and make more with the smartphone than ever before.”

David Beckham is the face of the Galaxy S3 for Samsung’s first Olympics commercial this year. As Samsung’s “official ambassador,” David Beckham will most likely stick with the Galaxy S3 on-camera throughout the 2012 Olympics build-up.
 

"Breaking Bad" season five: a foreboding start

“Breaking Bad” viewers reward Walt White with no sympathy

Season five’s premier of Breaking Bad provides viewers with a glimpse into the future and a foreboding opening scene in Denny’s. Breaking Bad meth cook, Walt White, buys a machine gun in the restaurant’s bathroom, and Walt’s own wife admits to her fear of him in this episode. And to dispel rumors now, there will be no Breaking Bad film.

Breaking Bad creator Vince Gilligan told The Rolling Stone, “This is a man capable of blowing up a nursing home in order to kill one guy.”

Gilligan said the final image of the Breaking Bad premier is a preview of the panic Skyler, Walt’s wife, experiences. Gilligan revealed that his goal with Walt’s character is to put him in just the right light for viewers – as the harmful, manipulative man he is.

Gilligan said, “This is a guy moving along a continuum toward ultimately becoming Scarface, and it seems in episode 501 he’s already Scarface.”

MTV asked Gilligan about the fates of other Breaking Bad characters. On Jesse, Gilligan said she is bound to find out about Lily of the Valley but did not give specifics of this future discovery.

On competition with other top television shows like Mad Men, Gilligan told Rolling Stone of the enjoyment that comes with trying to top one another. He said that although it is difficult to compete with an Emmy Award winner that focuses on the advertising industry in the 60s, half of the fun for Breaking Bad writers is progressing their own show plot to line up with Mad Men’s popularity.

Gilligan and fellow Breaking Bad writers work together to solve the problems they want to put their characters through, to give viewers the best dramatic experience. 

On the destruction of the evidence room, Gilligan added, “…the worst thing for the characters is often the best thing for the drama.”
 

The mutant mosquito to swarm the Florida Keys

Florida Keys residents petition against an onset of the mutant mosquito spread

Oxford company Oxitec is planning to drop genetically modified male mosquitoes in the Florida Keys and in India in an effort to prevent Dengue fever from spreading. The test mosquito is dubbed the “Mutant mosquito,” which a Florida organization named Change.org is trying to cancel.

Oxitec stands for Oxford Insect Technologies and according to News Track India, Oxfordshire is home to a lab that raises the mutant mosquitoes, providing the mosquitoes with horse blood, a comfortable, moist bed to lay eggs in and customized genes to fight Dengue fever. Research on Dengue fever began at Oxford University in 2002.

Dengue fever is carried by insects and can ultimately cause a slow death.   

Change.org’s petition hopes to persuade the U.S. Food and Drug Administration to stop the release of the mutant mosquitoes.

Mila de Mier,a mother of Key West who headed up the mutant mosquito petition, expressed her concern of the experiment: “As a community we’ve already said we don’t want these mosquitoes in our backyards, but Oxitec isn’t listening.”

Though Florida has not experienced problems related to insect diseases since 2010 due to caution and education, News Track India reported that one individual’s care only goes so far.

Hadyn Parry, the CEO of Oxitec said, “From a scientific point of view and an environmental sustainability point of view, we think we have a really good solution to the problem.”

Change.org requires that additional testing is conducted on the mutant mosquito. Florida residents fear a new concern could emerge with the spread of the mutant mosquito, when the objective is to hinder a lethal illness that takes 20,000 lives a year.