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Michael DeLaney

Kanye West 2004 vs Kanye West 2013

Heart vs “art”

Kanye West has been controlling the public conversation for almost ten years. Since he made his album debut in 2004, Kanye West has elevated himself in the hip-hop industry to levels previously only seen by his mentor Jay-Z. Some may believe that Kanye has even surpassed Jay-Z in terms of success, especially Kanye.

Kanye West’s latest record Yeezus is his sixth solo album, following his two collaborations Cruel Summer and the Watch the Throne.

Kanye West’s overabundant ego is so blatantly (and intentionally) represented in Yeezus’ title as well as its third track I Am a God. The album is an electronic splashed soundtrack featuring vocals from Frank Ocean and Kid Cudi. Yeezus is also the shortest album Kanye has released to date, clocking in at 40 minutes.    

With his “euro-art” approach and near-relentless auto-tuning, Yeezus is clearly a product of the Kanye West of 2013; who is a very different artist from the Kanye West of 2004.

Pop in your ear buds and time travel back to 2004’s The College Dropout, and you will find an unfamiliar creature going by the name of Kanye West. This 27-year-old eponymous college dropout had been rapping since 1996 at the age of 19. This was a man who had a brush with death only two years prior, giving way to Through the Wire, a single he recorded with his jaw wired completely shut.

In The College Dropout Kanye West’s ego was still existent, with the ample amount of big dick jokes and bragadocious rhymes required for a new rapper trying to prove himself, but it was only in its infancy. The tracks painted an honest picture of an up-and coming-rapper who had the unconventional affinity for pink polos and teddy bear mascots in sport coats.

Kanye West’s second album Late Registration was a sequel in every sense; it brought more of what the fans loved while improving upon past missteps. The album laid out billboard success tracks in Gold Digger and Diamonds from Sierra Leone as well as more personal songs like Roses and Hey Mama. Late Registration’s most lyrically brilliant and pure rap-artistry-based song was Gone, finishing off the album as its final track.

2007’s Graduation closed the book on Kanye West’s education metaphor-based albums. Tracks like Stronger laid the groundwork for the more electronic-infused style he would later rely on. 808s & Heartbreaks was a true experiment in this style when it came out in 2008. In 808s, Kanye took on the role of brooding billionaire instead of college dropout success. For the most part it worked, and you could definitely feel the emotion that Kanye “Pinocchio” West was trying to convey.

My Beautiful Twisted Dark Fantasy was released in 2010 and cemented Kanye’s transformation from rapper to messianic moron. The record had certifiable pop hits in Dark Fantasy, Power and Monster among them, but it was devoid of any personal passion that his previous albums had laced throughout. Instead Kanye chose to rap about wanting to marry a porn star.

Kanye West had become a caricature of himself by the late 2000s, continuing to this day; opening the door for more parodies and insults with every ridiculous thing he says. The age of the internet hasn’t done Kanye any favors; every time he opens his mouth he becomes less of a human being and more of an implausible cartoon god king.

Artists and their styles change with fame and fortune, there’s really nothing new there. But Kanye has taken a hard left turn from popular music and heartfelt self-expression to what every other rapper does: rapping about how they are better than every other rapper (Watch the Throne.)

Kanye’s existence is now almost exclusively influenced by his reaction of our reaction of him. In response, he declares himself a god and tries his hardest to make what he thinks is art but is nearly always overblown, pretentious absurdity.                                                                           

Ellen Page is transformed into a video game character without her permission

Ju-NO!

Ellen Page is the latest victim of a problem that is running rampant in our country: identity theft; more specifically video game identity theft.

Ellen Page did a recent Ask Me Anything interview on Reddit. One of the question/statements posed her way was in regards to the new PS3 new game The Last of Us, which has a character that is arguably based off of Ellen Page.

Ellen Page addressed the situation, saying: “I guess I should be flattered that they ripped off my likeness, but I am actually acting in a video game called Beyond Two Souls, so it was not appreciated.”

From the images that have been posted online, there is certainly an Ellen Page-yness to the character in question, who is so cleverly named Ellie. Clearly the name Ellie is toooootally different from Ellen Page’s name, which is Ellen Page.

The Last of Us was developed by Naughty Dog, who also developed the popular Uncharted series of games.

Ellen Page is not the first person to have their image/likeness used in a video game without their permission, however. In 2010 Cypress Hill backup singer Michael Washington filed a $250 million lawsuit against Take-Two Interactive over a character that looked like him in Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas. Spoiler alert: that failed.

But with all of this Ellen Page business, I’m beginning to wonder if we can trust Naughty Dog with the legitimacy of any of their characters. What if Crash Bandicoot’s image was stolen from a down and out bandicoot father of four living in New Guinea?

If we can’t trust a Naughty Dog, then who can we trust?

Silvio Berlusconi sentenced to seven years in prison

“Stay away from underage prostitutes, y’all. Trust me.”

And in the corrupt politicians, underage prostitution and general Italian-y news, Silvio Berlusconi was sentenced to seven years in prison this morning. After the traditional mandatory 120 minute cigarette and cappuccino siesta, a Milan court found the former Italian Prime Minister guilty of paying for sex with an underage prostitute and abusing his power to cover it up.

“Silvio Berlusconi and The Case of the Underage Prostitute” has been playing on the news media since January 2011, when a criminal investigation into the misdeeds of the then 74-year-old playboy politico began.

At the center of this political sexual thriller is Moroccan Karima El Mahroug, the alleged prostitute who goes by the stage name of Ruby Rubacuori (Italian for “Ruby Heartstealer”). So naturally, the collective imagination of the news media has dubbed the entire scandal “Rubygate.” Dammit news media. You’re letting Nixon win, bad news media!

Silvio Berlusconi could’ve avoided prison time for this particular incident if only he wasn’t so damned lazy. You see, in the far more progressive land of Italy, prostitution is legal (but no pimping!) In addition, it is entirely lawful (and certainly respectable) for an adult to engage in sexual intercourse with a person ages 14-17. The thing that is illegal? Paying for sex with a person under 18.

Silvio Berlusconi could’ve picked A) Prostitution or B) Sex with a minor, but like many of us he didn’t study before the test and decided to go with C) All of the above. Lazy Silvio Berlusconi; very lazy.

So that’s where the underage prostitution charge comes into play for Silvio Berlusconi, now let’s touch on the abuse of power. Karima El Mahroug AKA Ruby Heartstealer AKA Really? was arrested in Milan in May 2010 for stealing 300,000 euros (nearly $400,000.)

To get the Heartstealer released from questioning, Silvio Berlusconi called the head of police and told him that the Heartstealer was a relative of then Egyptian President Hosni Mubarak, because Moroccans and Egyptians are probably the same thing, right? To avoid a “diplomatic crisis,” the police released the Heartstealer into the custody of one of Silvio Berlusconi’s friends. 

Silvio Berlusconi will likely make multiple appeals to his seven-year sentece, which he was not even in person to witness. Instead, Silvio Berlusconi was with his girlfriend in his villa in Arcore, where he has been said to have massive “bunga bunga” orgy parties.

I don’t know what Italian prisons are like for former Prime Ministers, but I’m sure they will have their own variation on “bunga bunga” parties.

Mad Men Season 6 finale recap

The folly of Donald Regellius Draper

Mad Men’s season finale aired last night, irrefutably proving once again that Don Draper is a sonofabitch. The last episode of the year was full of lies, death and chocolate; which is coincidentally the next short story of Mad Men’s eye-patched science fiction writer Ken Cosgrove.

The final episode of Mad Men’s sixth season opened with boozy Don Draper being even boozier than usual. Don’s relationship with his daughter Sally has been non-existent since she walked in on him further compromising his integrity with his neighbor/side lady Sylvia Rosen. Thus the anti-hero of Mad Men has taken to the bottle, adding a little liquor to his morning coffee, skipping meetings to go to bars and even going to jail for getting in a fight with an Evangelical Christian at said bars.

Don has his coming-to-God moment (despite beating up an Evangelical Christian) and decides he needs to make a change in regards to his drinking and his life. So he does what he does best: steals another man’s idea. Mad Men has shown Don stealing ad strategies and identities in the past, so it should come as no surprise that he pilfers his escape plan as well. Earlier in the episode the pot-fuming grizzly man Stan tells Don that he wants to take the open position in California for the Sunkist account; so Don promptly takes it from him like any grade school bully would.

Don tells Megan that they’re going to move and that it will be the cat’s pajamas or some such, and their lives will be perfect forrrreeeeeever! But we’ve been watching Mad Men for six seasons now; I think we’re smart enough to know that next season (the last season) is not going to be Mad Men: Malibu.

Meanwhile the Greek tragedy that is Pete Campbell’s life continues to entertain and depress all who are around to witness it. The wily little weasel has now been orphaned by the most outrageous circumstances: his father died in a plane crash and apparently his mother has fallen off the side of a cruise ship. Needless to say, Pete is kind of a mess in Mad Men’s season finale.

Pete the fink blames his mother’s death/disappearance on Bob Benson, the inscrutable Don Draper Lite whose recommendation of caretaker Manolo ultimately lead to this kerfuffle. But the curious Mr. Benson (whom I thoroughly enjoy) outthinks Pete the fink and sets him up for embarrassment on the Chevy floor room. Silly Pete, you can’t drive a stick shift! You only just got your driver’s license last year!

Meanwhile, Peggy is set up for more disappointment with the honorable/not-so-honorable Ted. After Ted calls off their affair for like the third time, Peggy decides to play the role of provocateur as she strolls by Ted all dolled up for a date. This of course completely works and Ted shows up at Peggy’s apartment, tells her he loves her and wants to leave his wife, and they promptly sleep together.

In addition to proving that Don is a sonofabitch, Mad Men cements the fact that Don Draper’s general shitiness infects those around him. Though he was more of an ancillary character, Ted was for all intents and purposes a good man before joining SDCP. But after being in Don’s presence for a while Ted has become a sloppy drunk at times, he has taken up a mistress and discarded the aforementioned mistress as casually as Don has in the past.

So it is with great desperation that Ted steals Don’s already stolen plan to escape with his family to California, which is apparently ultimate fixer MacGuffin on Mad Men. In a moment of drunken sobriety, Don spills his guts with Hershey about his first experience with a whorehouse Hershey bar, thereafter deciding to give Ted the California exit. 

Mad Men’s season finale is a game of musical chairs and fake-outs that puts many of its characters in the position of freedom for the future. Pete’s ex-wife Trudy says as much when he says goodbye to his daughter before leaving for California. Pete is free of his parents, Peggy is free of all relationships and Don seems to be free of the fear of his past.

Mad Men’s sixth season focused on many Dick Whitman flashbacks and Don becoming more open about those moments. The finale even ends with Don taking his children to the brothel where he grew up. Is Don attempting to regain the part of his soul that he lost when he let Dick Whitman go? Is his sobriety a facet of this? Color me pessimistic but I kind of doubt that Dick Whitman, California or any other solution that Don comes up with will truly heal this broken man.

That’s it for season six folks and we only have one more season of Mad Men left. I can already hear all of the complaints about its series finale and the horribly predictable comparison to the finale of The Sopranos. Stupid people.

Cheers!

   

 

 

Rumors of Kim and Kanye's baby's name

Just a stab in the dark, but does it start with a K?

According to rumors on the interwebs, Kim and Kanye’s baby girl is named Kaidence Donda West. The collective pile of money that is Kim Kardashian and Kanye West are keeping tight-lipped as to whether these rumors are true or not, however.

Kim and Kanye’s baby was born on Saturday June 15, most likely giving Kanye the claim to have the greatest Father’s Day of all time. Kim Kardashian, star of the hit Iranian parasailing competition Keeping Up with the Kardashians, gave birth to her daughter five weeks prior to her due date. Apparently the baby is healthy but her early advent must have surprised Kardashian, who might not have narrowed down her list of “K names” just yet.

Let us dissect this theoretical name of Kim and Kanye’s baby: Kaidence Donda West. The middle name Donda is clearly a tribute to Kanye’s late mother Donda West, who passed away in 2007. (Certainly a touching tribute and I shan’t dare speak ill of the dead.)

The surname of Kim and Kanye’s baby is West, which is clearly a reference to the power of capitalism and thus a slam on all Eastern World practices. The penny is mightier!

Next let’s take a close look at Kim and Kanye’s given name of Kaidence. First and foremost, the Kabal of Kardashians has an uncomfortable obsession with the letter “K” as you may have noticed. So it should come as no surprise that the buxom and bulky buttocks of Kim Kardashian decided to bestow the 11th letter of the alphabet unto her newborn in a fit of Kardashianish word play.

The Christian name of Kim and Kanye’s baby is Kaidence, which is homophonous of the noun “cadence.” In its most general definition, cadence means the flow or rhythm of events, especially the pattern in which something is experienced.

Given her father’s musical career, does this mean that Kim and Kanye’s baby is destined to be a human metronome? Will Kim and Kanye’s baby perform with Yeezus on stage as the first fully functioning human woodblock?

Or perhaps, as I have suggested before, Kim and Kanye’s baby shall be the cadence of the steady decline of our civilization. Said decline will likely lead to the next fall of man and in turn pave the way for the next evolution of human society where each family is designated one single letter to propagate from generation to generation, world without end Amen. 

Dan Harmon finally watched Community Season 4

Surprise! He doesn’t like it.

Today is the second first day of work for Dan Harmon on NBC’s Community. If you don’t watch Community, (or don’t have annoying friends like me who tell you how amazing the show is) then you might not be aware of the creative shakeup that happened on NBC’s cult show this past year. Here are the basics:

  • Dan Harmon created Community.
  • Dan Harmon ran Community for three seasons and constantly butted heads with NBC.
  • Dan Harmon got fired as showrunner and was replaced for the fourth season, which by and large was awful.
  • Dan Harmon was asked to return to Community for Season 5 as executive producer and showrunner.

Until recently, Dan Harmon had not watched the fourth season of Community, but decided to bite the bullet and see what had happened to his cast of characters in the 2013 season.

Yesterday on his podcast “Harmontown,” Dan Harmon revealed his opinions of Community’s fourth season. And man oh man did he have some opinions.

Fans of Community will no doubt be familiar with Harmon’s deep affection for the characters he created and the painstaking process he goes through when writing their stories. So it should come as no surprise that he takes changes to his creation very much to heart.

Dan Harmon realized that NBC hired new showrunners David Guarascio and Moses Port to make Community “an impression, (of Harmon) and an unflattering one.” He labeled Guarascio and Port as “two guys who didn’t know what they were getting into.”

One point of contention for Dan Harmon in regards to Season 4 was the inclusion of character Jeff Winger’s father, played by James Brolin. Harmon went into detail about how he had designed Joel McHale’s character Jeff off of Bill Murray’s character John Winger in Stripes. He had hopes that someday Murray would do a guest spot on the show as Jeff Winger’s papa.

This prompted him to express his true feelings (his more metaphorically and graphically-inclined feelings) about last season, which were a bit more extreme; as well as his second shot at Community.

“There’s something awesome about having all of those preconceived notions kind of ripped away from you. It’s exciting. There’s something awesome about being held down and watching your family get raped on a beach. It’s liberating. It makes you focus on what’s important.”

Another colorful metaphor that Dan Harmon threw out there was comparing watching a new season of Community without his involvement to “flipping through Instagram just watching your girlfriend blow everyone.”

Dan Harmon might have laid down some harsh words, but they weren’t entirely undeserved. I mean, have you seen the fourth season of Community?

Man of Steel's deplorable ending

SPOILER ALERT FOR MAN OF STEEL!

I can’t even begin to attempt writing a review of Man of Steel without first addressing what I see as the film’s most glaring and unforgivable mistake. If you haven’t figured it out yet, this post is going to be full of spoilers for Man of Steel, especially its finale. So if you’re still here and you don’t want to be spoiled, then it’s probably time for you to go.

HERE BE SPOILERS!

After we have worked our way through loads of CGI explosions and fistfights, the finale of Man of Steel boils down to Superman vs. the film’s villain General Zod; shocking, I know. Zod has just led a genocidal assault against the planet Earth and his showdown with Supes in a train station consists of threatening a cornered family with his heat vision. Superman is holding Zod back, trying to convince him to give up and not harm this family who apparently can’t run to the left. Zod does not listen to Superman, who just doomed Kryptonians to permanent extinction. The Man of Steel’s final solution? He snaps Zod’s neck.

He snaps his fucking neck.

Superman. The hero we all strive to be, the one who inspires us to be better than we are resorted to murder as a last ditch effort. I had shrugged my shoulders at many of the film’s deviations and story decisions, deciding to tolerate an average Superman film, but once Supes did the dirty deed, I lost my mind; the entire film was ruined for me.

Now many of you may argue “what’s the big deal with Superman killing someone? What difference does it make?” to which I answer, it is a HUGE deal. When it comes to Superman, the first and greatest superhero, it makes all of the difference in the world. Most superheroes have a rule against killing and nearly every major superhero film (Batman films especially) have struggled with the moral implications of its hero taking a life. 

Why is it such a huge deal? Superman is the paragon of superheroes, and is a template for what mankind can become if they turn off the cynicism and selfishness that we are accustomed to. Man of Steel itself gives us this lesson, as Jor-El tells Kal-El that he can be this source of inspiration for the world, thus undercutting its own values with the snap of a neck. Superman has had to fight to stay relevant in the past few decades because we like our heroes dark and gritty, and we don’t mind them getting a little blood on their hands now and then. Christopher Nolan’s Dark Knight Trilogy was so successful because of this; Bruce Wayne was a violent and troubled figure who took his anger out on criminals. Comic book fans have long feared what the “grim and gritty” Superman film would be like, and while Man of Steel was certainly tonally different from The Dark Knight, it corrupted its hero in the end, without even batting an eye.

Of course it must be said that in Man of Steel Superman is visibly upset that he has come to this decision, letting out a scream of regret. But that’s all that happens in term of consequence. Lois comforts him, but doesn’t even offer the solace of a “you had no other choice,” and the film simply moves to its conclusion as if killing is a completely natural progression of the character.

You yourself may argue that there was no other option for Superman but to kill Zod. While I respect your right to this opinion, it is fundamentally wrong. Superman is a fictional character, one that was created by the oppressed as a champion for the oppressed as a beacon of hope to anyone to look up to. There are dozens of different ways Man of Steel could’ve ended that scenario. They chose the most “believable” one for the year 2013, which was an unforgivable mistake.

It’s not like this is a consistent choice across the board either. There are countless tales of Superman over his 75-year lifespan where he has flat-out said that killing is never an option, especially for a hero with near infinite power. This past year saw two major DC Comics/Warner Brothers collaborations focusing on this idea. The animated film Superman vs. The Elite was based on a 2001 Action Comics story called “What’s So Funny About Truth, Justice & the American Way?” which depicted the stalwart Superman refusing to change his no killing policy in the face of new young heroes who don’t mind the body count. And just a few months ago we saw the launch of DC Comics successful video game Injustice, whose plot was built around the idea that once Superman takes a life in an act of revenge, it puts him on the path to becoming a megalomaniac dictator.

Superheroes get darker; it’s the nature of the beast. But the bottom line is that heroes like Superman should NEVER kill. If they do, if they are impossibly forced to take a life, there should be tremendous consequences. The hero should be filled with immense guilt and regret, forever living with their deplorable decision and feeling the weight of it. Man of Steel opted to forego all of this.

We live in the 21st century and Superman is a product of the 1930s, so he must adapt to the times. But if you don’t see any problem with Superman, the greatest of us all, taking a life, then you have missed the point of Superman entirely.

 

Shia LaBeouf: NSA genius

Cries wolf, but mostly just cries

If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a million times: always listen to Shia LaBeouf when it comes to matters of national security. The 26-year-old, who was arguably more implausible in Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull than the aliens were, probably feels like a regular boy who cried wolf.

Shia LaBeouf was on a press tour for his film Eagle Eye in 2008 when he appeared on The Tonight Show (remember The Tonight Show? It was the show that Jay Leno hosted before hosting The Jay Leno Show, which preceded him hosting another show coincidentally called The Tonight Show.)

During the interview the squirrelly Shia LaBeouf discussed with Leno trade secrets that an FBI consultant had told him in preparation for Eagle Eye.

“I remember talking to an FBI consultant telling me that they can use your ADT box to get the stuff going on in your house. Or that they can use OnStar to shut your car down,” Shia LaBeouf said.

(Remember OnStar? It was pretty much the only Batman movie around until 2005.)  

At the time viewers probably thought that Shia LaBeouf’s already soft mind had been further mushed by spending too much time with the robots in disguise from Transformers.

But it would seem that Shia LaBeouf AKA Louis Stevens was onto something. Since news of the NSA surveillance program PRISM was leaked by Eric Snowden however, Americans have decided to exhume the old Shia LaBeouf interview and take another look at it.

Despite his apparent precognitive abilities, its doubtful Shia LaBeouf will be taken anymore seriously because of this little nugget of knowledge from the past. The fourth Transformers movie (which has decided to forego the obviously brilliant title of “Trans4mers”) is Shia LaBeouf-less, because he is “done making blockbusters.”

So unless he foresees a future in soothsaying, we’ll probably just see him in more weird ballet music videos where he’s semi-nude.

Kanye West is a God

Him?

And lo, it came to pass on the 161st day in the year of our Lord 2013 that Kanye West descended from his celestial temple to declare/reaffirm that he is a God.

Kanye West, who must unquestionably be the God of humility, hosted a listening party in New York last night for his upcoming album Yeezus. The album debuts on June 18th and features collaborations from artists such as Chief Keef, Bon Iver’s Justin Vernon, Daft Punk, Kid Cudi and probably Ronald McDonald.

Kanye West showcased 10 tracks from his new album, including Black Skinhead, New Slaves and of course I Am a God, whose title can only imply Mr. West’s exploration of modesty viewed through the lens of a hard working Tokyo go-go dancer.

The messianic human version of a Big Mouth Billy Bass also revealed his new approach to music making. “I got a new strategy — it’s called ‘No Strategy.’ And I got a way to sell more music — it’s called make better music, Kanye West said.” Following this divine revelation the audience began speaking in tongues and weeping chocolate tears of joy.

Kanye West also explained his naming of the album Yeezus, saying “”West was my slave name, Yeezus is my god name.” And to think, this whole time Kanye West has been a slave; a slave worth $100 million dollars, but a slave nevertheless.

Another one of the beatitudes that Lord Kanye West bestowed was this: “Honestly, when I listen to radio, that ain’t where I wanna be no more… At this point, I could give a fuck about selling a million records, as long as I put out an album [that] y’all can rock to all motherfucking summer.” It would seem that Kanye West is also a benevolent god, who like any god worth his incense, just wants our motherfucking summer to be rockable.

Kanye West’s elevation to divinity also has sacrosanct implications for his progeny. Let us not forget that Kanye’s paramour Kim Kardashian, star of E!’s avant-garde underwater cooking show Keeping Up with the Kardashians, is pregnant with his unborn daughter.

The child of Kim Kardashian and Kanye West is due to hit TMZ in a few weeks and will face many challenges from the outside world, including her mother potentially mistaking her for the placenta she intends to eat to retain her youth.

This child will indubitably be a harbinger either of the End Times or of a neo-society based on Versace, rotund butts and teddy bears that must be dug out of rap stars stomachs with a bowie knife.

Game of Thrones Season 4

Coming soonish?

While the third season aired its finale on HBO a scant two nights ago, fans are already talking about Game of Thrones Season 4.

Game of Thrones Season 4 will have a lot of ground to cover, with an ever-expanding cast and numerous plot points. Sunday night’s finale alone featured 21 out 24 regular cast members and six different storylines.

Series writer-executive producer David Benioff is keeping tight-lipped on what stories from the books will be featured in Game of Thrones Season 4, but understands the concerns fans have about the shows many characters and plotlines.

In an interview with Entertainment Weekly, Benioff said “The series has already reached a point where there are so many characters, particularly in season three we’re introducing so many new ones, we run the risk of bursting at the seams as we try to cram every single subplot and all the various characters and it becomes impossible on a budgetary level and it becomes impossible on an episode-basis to jump around every few minutes to 30 different characters and locations.”

Some of the storylines have moved along at a typical pacce while Daenerys Targaryen has been walking in the desert longer than the Hebrews did in the Old Testament. Fans might want to have the blonde baroness and her dragons lace up their walking shoes and pick up the pace a bit in Game of Thrones Season 4.

Game of Thrones is about a lot of build up, so the audience gets the sense that things are converging towards something larger, but they don’t know exactly when that will happen. It might be preferable for Game of Thrones Season 4 to expedite the plots a little bit but it also runs the risk of catching up with the books.

Game of Thrones Season 4, like the preceding chapters, will be based on author George R.R. Martin’s series of novels. The HBO series has adapted events from three of the five novels currently published. Martin is still working on the sixth novel The Winds of Winter, due sometime in 2014.

To avoid catching up or even passing the storylines in the novels, Martin and HBO have visited the possibility of stretching the seasons out or even delaying production. The big problem standing in their way? The inevitable aging of man.

“We can’t wait too long because of the kids,” Benioff told Entertainment Weekly. “Issac’s [Hempsted Wright] voice is changing. Everyone is getting bigger. We have this wonderful cast, but we don’t have an infinite amount of time.” (They could always just have strangers kidnap the kids on a boat and have them come back older later in the series, like Lost did, but I digress.)

Currently Game of Thrones Season 4 is still in pre-production, with Martin handing in the script for the second episode in April.

So while we know how much you love your dragons, bare breasts and profanities you might have to wait a bit to see Game of Thrones Season 4.