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Kidman Williams

10 Hour NYC Walk Debunked

How to be a Gentlemen

Today I was sent a link to a video about a woman walking around in New York City who was getting harassed by men.  This was the premise of the video that even ABC News has even decided to make a sensationalized story on.  Now, I’m not saying that harassment of women doesn’t happen; I’m not a damn idiot!  What I am saying is that some of the claims are getting ridiculous and the fact that ABC News took zero journalistic responsibility by running this video as a newsworthy social study takes as much balls as Bush going after Iraq on claims of weapons of mass destruction (that were never found).

To Debunk or Not to Debunk?


This is not a study on human behavior.  There are not any variables, no percentages and the only hypothesis that is there is the fact that an attractive woman WILL get noticed on the street and men WILL try to talk to them, even if their game is as weak as the Chicago Bears; which by definition is NOT a hypothesis.  That is a person who knows what results they are going to recieve from the get go.  It is just like on social media, if a pretty girl is out there be sure that said pretty girl will be getting “likes.”

The video does claim at the end that,

“100+ instances of verbal street harassment took place within 10 hours, involving people of all backgrounds.  This doesn’t include the countless winks, whistles, etc.”

Then after that claim, Hollaback asks for donations to more than likely fund seminars and perpetuate the idea that street harassment is some dangerous epidemic like HIV or Ebola (only an epidemic in West Africa) with no actual evidence that these seminars could produce any kind of results.

If you go to the website, ihollaback.org, and click on research it tells you that,

“non-contact unwanted sexual experiences, including street harassment, are the most prevalent form of sexual violence for both men and women in the United States.”

This only leads me to believe that they don’t really know what the definition of “violence” is.  Can the word be used in a non-contact situation; yes, if you are looking to sensationalize a situation and scare people into believing a certain way.  Using the idea of violence still has to somehow be harmful to the person that the act of violence is being acted on.  The only points of violence that I saw were the 2 men who decided to follow her for several minutes and even those two were more dangerous than violent. The one man had no idea how to talk to a woman.  The other guy walked next to her silent like the Son of Sam; thank The Great Lama Prince (if I say God, Allah, Buddha, or any other I might offend a WHOLE NEW group of people) for cameras!  That’s 2 out of 100+ that were claimed!  I say that because if there were more bad ones in that 100+ they would have shown it in the video.  Don’t say that it was because it would be too long of a video!  It only took 2 minutes to show 20+ men; the 100+ would have only been a 5 minute video.

What Can We Really Do About This?


First off, men really have to curb the idea that women are their personal Chocolate Factory.  You can talk to a woman without objectifying her in every single way possible.  So, here are ways that men can talk to women without fear of being some crazy sexist pignut who is just looking for a good time.

1.       Look up the word “objectify.” I hear a lot of guys scoff at the word, but I’m pretty sure that most guys haven’t a fucking clue as to what it means to objectify a person.

2.You need to listen to women.  Now, this can be used on all different levels of a relationship.  For instance, when you first meet a girl.  If you make an advance on a girl and you hear her say nothing, DON’T FOLLOW HER!  When a woman is not showing any interest in your come-ons, don’t push.  You can also listen to body language!  If a girl is walking down the street with a piss-face (like in the video) you probably don’t want to catcall her.  When you are in a public place with a girl that you are trying to talk to and she is looking around at other people; save yourself the embarrassment and just thank her for her time and walk the Hell out of there with some dignity.  Your ego might be bruised, but at least she isn’t telling the whole place about what kind of tool bag you are.

3.Look her in the eyes.  Women are not going to go home with you if you are a little perverted sexual parasite with no self-control.  This comes back to the idea of “objectifying.” If you can’t control your eyes, you are telling a woman that you have no control in any other aspect of your life; including the bedroom.

4.If a girl likes you, she will let you know.  There is no more true statement than this.  Women will let you know if they are into you.  Sometimes they will figure out ways to touch you, they will laugh at your jokes even if they aren’t funny (you know you aren’t that funny) and most important, they will actually be talking to you.

5.Don’t catcall!  I know that it seems like I’m reiterating myself, but follow me on this.  Any girl who will actually respond to some swine like holler is probably NOT a girl that you want to bring back home.  She very well could be a slut, she will probably go home with you plus tons of other guys/girls/dogs and your penis will turn purple and fall the fuck off.

Jokes aside guys, just simply act like a gentlemen.  You don’t have to be a pansy, just don’t be an ill-breeding lout.  Women love confidence; they don’t like arrogance.  Women love an assertive man, not a selfish child.  Be good to women and they will be good to you.

Dog Fashion Disco – Sweet Nothings Review

The demented ringmasters of rock have come out again with a flurry of clown induced nightmares.  Dog Fashion Disco, with the help of an Indiegogo campaign, has a new album called “Sweet Nothings,” and it is sonically the best sounding album that they have put out yet.

Over the years DFD have carved out their own niche of alt-metal that leans heavily on carnival sounds and pure debaucherous fun with songs like “Pogo the Clown,”  “Cartoon Autopsy,” and even a rendition of Frankie Valli’s “Grease.” They have not disappointed with “Sweet Nothings.”  The opening track, “Greta,” washes over you like watching a Tarantino movie on some high grade LSD.  While listening to this track you can almost feel yourself driving in the car with a raven-haired Uma Thurman and the wind in your hair. 

As if the lyrics weren’t haunting enough; “I’m laying in the gutter and telling myself, love made me a leper.  It’s bad for my health,” when the saxophone comes in at 1:43 you really just lose yourself fully in the desperation of the music.

After the macabre opening number DFD get down to business.  The second track, “War Party,” is an aggressive, rage soaked ranting about our social/political landscape; past, present and even a little bit of the future, proclaiming with a bite from “I Fell Like I’m Fixin’ to Die Rag,” by Country Joe and the Fish, “Its 1-2-3 what are we fighting for?  Don’t ask me I don’t give a damn, next stop might be Iran.”

The next highlight on this album is “Doctor’s Orders.” It is a funk-tastic ride into the mind of a depressed and maybe even suicidal man fed up with the normal American Dreamscape of having a dog, wife, white picket fence and don’t forget the “20 milligrams of Xanax in the witches brew.”  Lord!  They make depression and panic attacks sound like if Metallica took a ride with George Clinton in his Starship while James Hetfield rocks the diaper.

As the world has turned its attention to quick downloads of their favorite song at 0.99; Dog Fashion Disco has put out an album that takes you for a real nail biter of a ride.  Granted, it is one demented, scary and bumpy ride…but a ride that will also make you laugh and groove.  I think that “Sweet Nothings” is an album that DFD should be proud of and so should all of the fans that helped the band bring this album to life.

ALS and the Effect on a Family

ALS Challenge Accepted

ALS is a disease that has no cure.  It really doesn’t even have anything that helps it, much.  I saw the terrible affect that it had on my very own uncle.  It was very hard to watch my uncle, who was such a strong man, deteriorate right in front of my eyes.  My uncle was a war vet, a police officer for LaGrange Park and an all around great guy.  My family probably wouldn’t want me to put my uncle’s full name out there, so I won’t.

What should be understood about my Uncle George is that when he was diagnosed with Lou Gehrig’s Disease the doctor was going to tell him all of the stages of the sickness.  My uncle opted to not know anything about it.  He didn’t want to know how his body was going to react, how his body wasn’t going to work anymore and most of all, how his whole being was not going to be his own anymore.  I watched this great, strong and generous man whither and eventually die, leaving a whole family with grief and even confusion.

What my uncle’s diagnosis and decision to not know did; it prompted the whole family to look into ALS.  Nobody knew what exactly this disease did.  Scientists and doctors still don’t know exactly what causes Lou Gehrig’s disease.  We found out how the body was going to react and how we could attempt to make things as good as we could for him.  ALS is a progressive degenerative neurological disorder where the nerve cells of the brain and spinal cord deteriorate.  What exactly happens is that the muscles waste away and that leads to paralysis and eventually death.

The cells that are affected are the lower motor neurons and they are what control things like limb movement, swallowing and even breathing.  What makes this disease unique and maybe even more painful is the fact that your faculties are completely intact.  This means that you are completely aware of everything; you think and process information fine.  Now think about that for a second.  Your body is completely deteriorating and you are fully aware of it.  Is that a little bit scary?

I do understand that some people find the Ice Bucket Challenge stupid.  I get that some people are just looking to do something fun that the whole internet is jumping on like the neighborhood slut-bag and they are missing the fact that even though you throw the ice water over your head, which has brought a lot of awareness to ALS, you are still supposed to donate $10.  Now think about this for a second; if everybody donated $10 that has thrown the water over their heads that would be a lot of money.  Please don’t forget to donate after you take this Ice Bucket Challenge and thank you Charlie Sheen.


Remembering Robin Williams

Remembering Robin

The world was bowled over and blindsided by the news that beloved comedian and actor Robin Williams was found dead of what seems to be a suicide.  The Oscar winning actor was found on Monday, August 11th in his home in Tiburon, California, according to the Marin County Sherriff’s Office.  We are all still waiting for the autopsy reports to confirm this tragic ending to such a storied and epic career that spanned over 30 years.

                Robin Williams, unlike many of his colleagues, had a very unique talent that not only made you laugh, but he was able to take these characters and really make you care about them. No matter how absurd and goofy they were they had this undeniably real and human quality that Williams was able to bring out of them.

                Robin Williams touched people with his performances, reached into their hearts and truly made everyone care.  From people who worked with him to the millions of fans heartfelt messages of mourning poured in from all corners of the world and web. Eeven President Barack Obama released a statement on his passing:

Robin Williams was an airman, a doctor, a genie, a nanny, a president, a professor, a bangarang Peter Pan, and everything in between.  But he was one of a kind.  He arrived in our lives as an alien – but he ended up touching every element of the human spirit.  He made us laugh.  He made us cry.  He gave his immeasurable talent freely and generously to those who needed it most – from our troops stationed abroad to the marginalized on our own streets.  The Obama family offers our condolences to Robin’s family, his friends, and everyone who found their voice and their verse thanks to Robin Williams.

                I myself have never felt such a feeling of loss for any celebrity.  Some of my earliest memories are of Robin Williams.  My infatuation with suspenders for 3 years of my life came right from the beloved and naïve alien Mork from the planet Ork.  No matter how many times my parents yelled at me as a kid, I truly believed that I could drink with my finger.  I can never forget Popeye and neither can my parents; I wore out about 4 VHS tapes. 

                It was a fact that Robin Williams suffered a great deal in his life.  He dealt with depression, drug addiction and alcohol abuse.  I don’t think that I have to reiterate all those facts.  There will be a thousand other articles out there that will be out there talking about the dangers of depression and they will be tagging it to Robin’s name for the next 3 months.  The only thing that I can keep thinking is how a man who brought such an amount of joy to so many millions of people couldn’t bring that kind of joy to himself.  I just brought a tear to my eye writing that.

                Robin Williams also left a legacy of amazing charity work that included his work with St. Jude Children’s Research Hospital.  Williams according to St. Jude said that he never charged any kind of fee for any of his appearances.  Those actions are not that of charity, those are the actions of a man that truly loved.

                One of the lines from Dead Poets Society always stuck with me and even led me to a career in writing.  Keating (Robin Williams) said, “No matter what anybody tells you, words and ideas can change the world.”  I would say that Robin Williams in fact achieved this goal himself with millions of fans and admirers over the world.  I really hope that he has found peace.  Rest in peace Robin, the world is a little less OK without you.

                If you have any memories, please share in the comments below.

Doyle Wolfgang Von Frankenstein: The Modest Monster

Taking the Reins

The Misfits hit the scene in 1977 giving the public a ferocious dosage of their horror movie lyrics, hot and fast punk riffs and of course Danzig!  Since the initial break-up of the Misfits in 1983, they had quite the revolving door of musicians and vocalists that included Jerry Only’s brother Doyle Wolfgang Von Frankenstein.

When Doyle left the band for good he went on to do Gorgeous Frankenstein.  Gorgeous Frankenstein was a band named for himself and his ex-wife (Gorgeous George, WCW, ECW) who is also the ex-wife of the Hall of Fame wrestler, Randy “Macho Man” Savage.  The band was a blistering mix of hard punk and horror movies.  It was a sound that really wasn’t much of a departure from what the Misfits have been doing for several decades now.

Now with his new band Doyle, which is on his own label, Monsterman Records, he has opened a new door.  Doyle is a real departure from the Misfits sound that embodies what creativity and Metal music can really be.  Doyle is fronted by the newcomer, Alex Story, Doyle Von Frankenstein, Left Hand Graham Reaper, and Misfits alumni Dr. Chud.  The unique blend of talent that Doyle has will make this a band to watch this year!

Kidman J. Williams:  Let’s get this thing started shall we?  I’m sure you’re pretty busy!

Doyle Wolfgang Von Frankenstein:  I’m actually building a guitar right now.  (laughs)

KW:  You’re building a guitar?

DWVF:  I just had my original one painted and now I’m putting it back together now.

KW:  Did you ever go to school for that or did you just start fiddling?

DWVF:  Well, we have a machine shop and I just started making them there.

KW:  What I heard off of your new album “Abominator” sounds real good!  Did you make a conscious effort to get away from the Misfits and Gorgeous Frankenstein sound?

DWVF:  No, it was really just, whatever I wrote, I wrote and that was it.

KW:  What was it that drew you to the vocalist Alex Story?  What made you think, “YEAH, this is the guy I want?”

DWVF:  He (Alex Story) sent me an audition a couple years earlier when I was looking for a singer for Gorgeous Frankenstein and it was the only one I kept; actually it was the only one that I listened to all the way through!  The other ones I just listened quick to and was like, “that’s not the guy, that’s not the guy!”  I wrote a bunch of songs, music actually.  I said to myself, “Who am I going to get to finish these songs?”  I have a hard time finishing songs after I write the music.  All I can see after is me playing it; I can’t step away from it for some reason.  Alex was the first person I thought of after and I called him!
Ironically enough, he walked into a Danzig concert in Houston!  I asked, “Do you want to write with me?”
He said, “FUCK YEAH!”  (Laughs)
I had 12 songs and I only sent him 3 so I didn’t overwhelm him.  I wrote out what I thought the arrangement was and I told him to write whatever the fuck he wants, which is still the formula we use!  He sent me back the song, “Mark of the Beast” and it was exactly the same as you hear it on the album.  That was exactly what I wanted!


KW:  Alex is an interesting singer!

DWVF:  Yeah, he IS really good!

KW:  I noticed that he doesn’t particularly sound like anyone.  The way he structures his phrasing with the music is very unique!  Is that something that grabbed you?

DWVF:  Yeah!  I think he is a great songwriter, I think he is one of the best songwriters of our time!  He is really amazing!  I would send him songs from on this record and the new one we are working on and he would be able to send them all back in a day; FUCKING PERFECT!  What is wrong with this guy, how did he do it?

KW:  The phrasing on “Valley of the Shadows” just blew my mind!  The structure was…

DWVF:  Groovy!

KW:  What?

DWVF:  Groovy!

KW:  Yeah, absolutely!

DWVF:  He is a fucking genius!  He is one of the most retardedly insane people that I know!  He is a genius when it comes to music.  Me and him are like the two stupidest people I know!

KW:  (laughs) What do you mean by that?

DWVF:  This is the way he (Alex Story) puts it, “if there is a pile of dog shit in the yard; we are both stepping in it.”  (laughs)

KW:  (laughs) So, he is a pretty crazy guy, huh?

DWVF:  Oh man, he believes every word he is saying man!  He ain’t fucking around, that shit is real!

KW:  It is good to have guys like that in your band.

DWVF:  Yeah, especially when they are on your side.  (laughs)

KW:  (laughs) Right!  You said you have more songs coming out?

DWVF:  Yeah, we recorded 25 songs; we wrote 40 but recorded 25 of them.  We put 18 songs on “Abominator” and we mixed it to 18.  Dr. Chud and I went out to Long Island City to mix the record and Chud turns to me and said, “You know, you are giving them a half of an album away free here.”  I said I just want to do something really good and I love that one Slipknot album.  That one is over an hour long and that’s fucking great, ya know?
The economy sucks so do people a favor!  Chud was like, “yeah, you’re right!”  So, we put it out there, mixed and mastered it!


KW:  Are you much happier in this band than previous bands?

DWVF:  Yeah!  This is the only album, just like my girlfriend, from Arch Enemy, the only album that both of us can hand to somebody and not have an excuse when we hand it to people.  You know, this is my record, but this or but that.  No, this one is like, here is my record!

KW:  You know the Misfits questions are coming up.

DWVF:  Yeah.

KW:  The Misfits have been around since 1977.  Do you ever feel obligated to uphold the legacy of the Misfits?

DWVF:  Umm, the way I hold it up is just the way I play guitar and perform.  I don’t really think about anything.  I just write what comes out.

KW:  Everyone now knows that the Misfits were influenced by horror movies.  What was your favorite horror movie back then?

DWVF:  I always liked the old ones like King Kong, The Wolfman and Frankenstein.  You know, shit like that!  The slasher movies really weren’t that scary to me.  They had no imagination.

KW:  What is your favorite modern horror movie?

DWVF:  The last one I watched was Dark Shadows, which really isn’t much of a horror movie.  (laughs) I don’t really watch TV at all.  The last thing I watched on TV was The Super Bowl.

KW:  Don’t get a chance to or do you just not care to?

DWVF:  Don’t care to.

KW:  I thought this was interesting, I’d never heard this before.  The Misfits started out sounding like the Doors.  There was no guitar and had a keyboard.

DWVF:  Yeah, there was a keyboard, that is true!

KW:  How did the aggressive punk sound come about?  There is quite a difference between the Doors and Misfits.

DWVF:  Glenn was the one playing the piano and they got a guitarist then another one and I joined the band.

KW:  So, it was a natural progression then?

DWVF:  Yeah, it was a natural progression!

KW:  Are your kids aware of who you are and what the Misfits have done for music?

DWVF:  I’m not even aware of it!  When I meet famous people and they know my name, my mind is just blown!  The year I was at the Golden Gods Awards, last year and they pulled my name out and I was just like, holy shit, WOW!

KW:  So, you aren’t aware of just what kind of influence you have had?

DWVF:  I don’t know how you could be?  How do you know how big something is?  I mean, every time we went to Europe or play a festival I just wondered if any of the 100,000 people knew who the Hell we were.

KW:  (laughs) Yeah, but what about bands like Metallica and others.  Not to mention the thousands of unsigned bands that would list you as an influence.

DWVF:  Well yeah, Glenn was a great writer and singer; he still is.  The songs are great!  You could take the whole Misfits catalog, pre-Graves era, and every song was fucking great!  You can’t take one song and say it blows!  You can’t, it was great!

KW:  Are you saying that you weren’t particularly fond of the Graves era of the Misfits?

DWVF:  It was a little soft.  I just like it heavier you know?  I like what I’m doing now!

KW:  You said Alex wrote the words.  Did you write any of the lyrics on this album?

DWVF:  Yeah, I wrote one word, abominator.

KW:  One word?

DWVF:  Just the word.  We had no title and I was going down the street, so I pulled over and text him the word “abominator” and was like what you think about this?  He said that was great and we had to make a song.  So, the next song we wrote was that and the only thing I came up with was the word abominator.

KW:  Why was it that you actually left the Misfits?

DWVF:  Well, I showed up to practice one day and Jerry hired another guitarist and he didn’t want to get another singer.  I just don’t like playing with another guitarist and I wanted a good singer.

KW:  So, do you and your brother (Jerry Only) not talk anymore?

DWVF:  We do!  He just has different tastes than I do and I wanted a real band.

KW:  Does it cause any kind of strife between you and your brother that you are still friends with Glenn (Danzig)?

DWVF:  It doesn’t to me.  Jerry is still his friend; they just don’t see eye to eye right now.

KW:  There have been difficulties with doing a Misfits reunion.  What do you think it will take to get a full Misfits reunion?

DWVF:  Well, I’m in!  All of the differences have to be put aside to be able to move forward.

KW:  Are there a lot of problems to work out?

DWVF:  I really have no idea.

KW:  Are there any future plans for your record label [Monsterman Records]?  Do you have other bands on the label?

DWVF:  Not yet, no.  We just need to do it right and how we can help other bands.  We have a few other bands that we are looking at right now.

KW:  Any bands that you can mention?

DWVF:  Well, my girlfriend has a side project that is an all girl band.  It is like a punk band and I’m writing a song with her right now.  It is really, really great!

KW:  What is the band called?

DWVF:  I can’t tell you that!  (laughs)

KW:  (laughs) That’s great to hear though!  I saw Arch Enemy a while back in Tampa and they were great!

DWVF:  Yeah, and their new record is great!  Have you heard it yet?

KW:  No, not yet.

DWVF:  It is called “War Eternal,” on Central Media.  It is fucking great!

KW:  How long have you and her [Alissa White-Gluz] been together?

DWVF:  Since April 2013.

KW:  Any future plans there?

DWVF:  Uh, keep going.  (laughs) Just keep going; that is the future plan.

KW:  I read that you were actually married to Gorgeous George [WCW, ECW].  I didn’t know that.  This is probably a pretty obscure question, especially since you don’t really watch TV, but we will see.  Who had the better music career, Randy Savage or Jeff Hardy?

DWVF:  I don’t really know. 

KW:  That’s kind of what I figured.  Well, if you ever get bored and you want a good laugh, look up Randy Savage rapping on YouTube for a good laugh.

DWVF:  I don’t think I will ever get that bored.  (laughs)

KW:  What do you have to say to your fans?

DWVF:  Stop stealing music!  When you steal music you put us all out of business and you don’t get anymore music.  That’s why we all have day jobs.

KW:  So, you have a day job?

DWVF:  I’ve had one my whole career!  I’m a machinist.  I make all kinds of different shit. It is hard work, standing all day and stuff.

KW:  How do you balance out your day job with your band and now running your new label?

DWVF:  Hmm, you just do it man (laughs).  It is hard!

KW:  Do your kids get upset when Daddy leaves?

DWVF:  They’re used to it by now.  I’ve been doing it for years.

KW:  Was it harder when they were young?

DWVF:  Well, yeah.  People don’t understand how hard the life is.  People think it is just a party, but it is really hard work.

KW:  You said you don’t watch much TV, what about music?

DWVF:  I don’t really seek out new music.  I find it better to not listen to music when you’re writing music.  If you are listening to somebody else you are not writing.  If you are going to sit there and listen to other music you could be writing your own.

KW:  That makes sense.

DWVF:  Now, when I workout, I listen to music.

KW:  Musically, who influenced you the most?

DWVF:  Umm, when I first started playing it was the Misfits, because they rehearsed at my house.  Of course, Johnny Ramone; I thought Steve Jones was really good!  I really liked the guitar playing on the Generation X album; the original one.   Then I got into metal with Eddie Van Halen.  He got me back into playing guitar after the Misfits broke up.  Dimebag, Slayer and John 5 is just insane!

KW:  You guys are doing a great job with this album.  It sounds real good!

DWVF:  Thank you man, I appreciate it!

Mushroomhead Interview: Death, Music and Gary Busey

Death, Music and Gary Busey

Back when Mushroomhead came out they had heard all of the comparisons to Slipknot; even though they hit the scene first.  If there was any comparison to make with Mushroomhead it would be more like an homage to Halloween and the earlier practitioners of this kind of stage show like Kiss, Alice Cooper, Gwar; or how about the newer bands like Hollywood Undead, deadmau5, or even Blue Man Group.  The point is that this kind of stage show is alive and well and shouldn’t be treated as something that is mimicked in any kind of way.  It is just a stage show that is fun.

I got to sit backstage with Waylon Reavis and Jason Popson and as cliché as it sounds; we got behind the masks.  No, I don’t like that, we went beyond the masks.  That’s the same thing; maybe, inside their pants?  NO!!!  That’s mortifying for both parties!  Whatever, we talked backstage about life, Slipknot and all things Mushroomhead.

Kidman J. Williams:  So, my 5 year old kid saw the picture of you all on your website and he tells me, “Daddy, they eat people like zombies.” I asked him if he wanted me to ask you guys if you eat people and he said yes.  So, according to the rumor that my 5 year old tried to start; is there any truth to the rumor that you eat people?

Waylon Reavis & Jason Popson:  (laughs)

Waylon Reavis:  For your 5 year old, no we don’t eat people.

Jason Popson:  We eat pizza like little boys do.

WR:  Here is the truth of it.  Everyday is Halloween to us, except we don’t get candy.  It is all in fun for the show.  We don’t eat people, even though sometimes I want to, but I resist.  Nothing malicious, we just like Halloween too much.

KW:  Should you all start that, where the crowd throws you all candy on stage?

JP:  Oh, Hell no!  (laughs)

WR:  We like anything gummy, get some Sour Patch Kids, Sprees; just bring those.

JP:  You could throw some cotton candy all day long, really just anything soft.

WR:  I love Big League Chew.  (laughs)

KW:  Mushroomhead is on the 8th studio album…

JP:  Is that right?  (laughs)

KW:  That’s what you got on the website.  (laughs)  It is called “The Righteous and the Butterfly,” you named the album in honor of your original guitarist J.J. Righteous and Vanessa Solowiow?

JP:  They were integral to the band.  J.J. wrote a lot of material.  Vanessa, she was our photographer as well as the wife of our drummer and they have two boys, 15 and 13.  Unfortunately we lost them way too soon.  So, that was a big rallying point to make this record.  We weren’t just making another record; we were building a tribute to our fallen loved ones.  That’s why there is so much heart in it.

KW:  Did you read ahead on my notes?

JP:  No, (laughs) I can’t read your writing!  (laughs)  Are you kidding me?

KW:  (laughs) It is a bit of chicken scratch isn’t it?  I was going to ask if there was a different mindset to writing this album.

JP:  Aside from building a tribute to those two wonderful people, it was about getting back to the core of the band.  Kind of a reflection of the bands’ entire 20 year career and let’s cherry pick all of the best parts of this band and put it on a record.

KW:  What do you think the core of Mushroomhead is?

JP:  I think the core is passion, heart and creativity.

KW:  You agree with that?

JP:  (to Waylon) HEY!

KW:  (finger snapping) You there Waylon?

JP & KW:  (laughing)

KW:  You agree with that?

WR:  Sure.

(all laugh)

JP:  He’s daydreaming about Sour Patch Kids.

(all laugh)

WR:  I was actually thinking about Legos.  (laughs) You can’t really answer that question any better than Jay did.  It is about heart and really wanting to be here.  That is the key; we ALL WANT TO BE HERE!  It ain’t a job.  I’m not looking over on the stage going, “I can’t wait to get away from your ass!”  I’m looking over like, “let’s tear this motherfucker apart!

JP:  It is a strange combination between a choice and a calling.  Obviously, we choose to be here, but at the same time there is an internal need to be here.  Life would be easier if we didn’t have to do this, but it is inside us.  Whether you have to make sacrifices, like he said earlier, he is away from his little boy on his 6th birthday.  This is what is inside him and all of us!  Throughout the years I think we weeded out the others and now everyone that is here has that same drive inside them.

WR:  I love what I do and if I didn’t do this I would go crazy!  Like Jay said earlier, I’m going to quote you Jay, “A lot of probation officers lost their jobs because we are in this band.”

KW:  This was kind of funny when I came across this.  I laughed when I saw it.  What was it like meeting and being onstage with Gary Busey?

WR:  Oh my God, it was awesome!  The Buse came onto the bus afterwards.  We had Gary and Jake with Gary playing the water drums.  Busey was smoking a cigar…OK, first things first, you DO NOT SMOKE ON THE BUS!  Second, we all looked and went, “it is Gary Busey, he can do what the fuck he wants man!” He was just smoking, that was the fucking shit!  (laughs)

Gary Busey was an awesome human!  He was very nice, very down to Earth.  I had my family out at the time and he was more interested in the fact that I had my little boy on the side of the stage and everytime I wasn’t singing I was paying attention to my kid instead of the thousands of people that were out there; he was more interested in that than he was anything.  Gary Busey left a very GREAT impression on me and the fact that he could smoke on my bus (laughs).  He could put it out in the couch for all I care.  (laughs)

JP:  There is an even stranger story than that, believe it or not?  We were just recently doing press on The Mancow Show.  We were in the Green Room when we found out that we had a top 20 record and we were in the Green Room with Jesse Jackson and we were all high-fiving Jesse Jackson.

KW:  With Jesse Jackson?  (laughs)

JP:  You never know who you’re going to meet now.  (laughs)

KW:  I know you guys are kind of comic nerds.  Here is an epic battle scenario; who would win in a Thunderdome kind of death match, Gary Busey, Nicholas Cage or Spike Lee?

WR:  Oh, The Buse!

JP:  Gary Busey!

WR:  It’s like come on man, have you seen him?

JP:  He just has to smile at you!

KW:  How would it play out?  Give me your best play by play prediction.

WR:  Busey walks in, Busey smiles, they melt and DONE!

JP:  I don’t know though, Cage is one freaky fucker though.

(all laugh)

WR:  Once Busey’s teeth come out though, it is done!  He smiles, smokes his cigar and it is done.

JP:  Spike Lee will just blame it on the man.

KW:  Over the years, I know you’ve heard this before; I’m sure you know what is coming.

WR:  I know.  (laughs)

KW:  Yeah, it is the constant comparison to Slipknot.  Let’s put an end to this idea right here.

WR:  Look, let’s just say this, Gwar!

JP:  Alice Cooper.

KW:  Kiss.

WR:  David Bowie, or what’s his name from Genesis, umm, Peter Gabriel!  This is nothing new.

JP:  This stuff goes back to the Kabuki performers thousands of years ago.  It really comes down to the press you know?  It is just really easy to put a stigma on you and talk shit to get attention.  The cool thing was that we got to meet Paul before he passed and he was a real sweetheart of a guy.

Skinny and I have worked with Sid from Slipknot and Corey came out recently saying he’d like to do a tour with the bands that came up doing this sort of thing.  I think that thing has finally been put to rest.  Both bands have proven their own merit and musically we’re very different.  There is no reason you have to choose between one or the other.  It is all theater; whatever is going to entertain you, just embrace it!

WR:  Its entertainment!  It is entertainment and we are here to make you smile.  We are here to help you forget about whatever is going on in your life for that hour or so that we are on the stage.  We are here to entertain you and make that $20 or $40 that you spent on that ticket well worth it!  There is nothing more and nothing less, I am not in a competition with ANYBODY!  I am here to make you smile and entertain YOU!  I haven’t solved world hunger, just here to entertain!

KW:  What does the future hold for Mushroomhead?

JP:  I think Massachusetts?

(all laugh)

JP:  Other than that, we are going to be out in October on a co-headlining tour which we can’t talk too much about right now.  Other than that we have 5 or 6 songs leftover from the album, so we are putting out an EP hopefully around the first of the year.  More new music and more touring and hopefully talking to more cool people like you.

KW:  Well, thank you!

WR:  Remember, the future is tomorrow.

Islander Vocalist Mikey Carvajal Interview

From Rockstar Energy Drink Mayhem Festival in Tinley Park, IL

I got to sit down backstage at the Mayhem Festival with the, as he put it, “clean singer” of the band Islander, Mikey Carvajal.  Islander are the new kids on the Metal scene, but they are blessed with a veteran musicianship and stage presence.  Some journalists have been comparing the band to P.O.D., Bad Brains and the Nu Metal scene, but if Islander plays their metaphoric cards right, make just the right bluff at just the right time they could take the whole poker tournament.

It is not surprising that the band attracts fans the second they hit the stage.  I talked to a few people in the crowd about the Islander set and just about everybody said that they were an awesome show.  So, I took the opportunity to really get down to who and what it is that might make this band so attractive to fans.  I also really wanted all of you to know who Mikey is, being that they are so new to the scene. 

Kidman J. Williams:  I’m not going to lie to you; you kind of fell into my lap at the last minute.

Mikey Carvajal:  What do you mean?

KW:  They gave me the interview at the last minute, so I don’t know a whole lot about you.

MC:  Well, that’s what interviews are for right?  (laughs)

KW:  (laughs) This is true!

MC:  You can ask me anything, it doesn’t even have to be about music.  I’m a wrestling fan!

KW:  Well there we go!  We can start there.  Who’s your favorite wrestler?


KW:  How excited are you to see Sting in the new WWE game?

MC:  I’m very excited!  I don’t even have a system to play the game on, but I know if you preorder the game you get Sting.  So, I’m going to preorder it so when I do have a system.  (laughs)

KW:  (laughs) Are you guys in a van or a bus?

MC:  We are in a van right now.

KW:  How’s that going?

MC:  Its going well, it is a little tight quarters sometimes.  We make due and we’re thankful for what we have.  We have my wife out with us right now and she is running our merchandise.  So, it is a little different having a woman in the van, but she is holding up awesomely!  I don’t know a lot of women that could hang as well as she does.

KW:  How long have you been married?

MC:  A little over 3 and a half years now.

KW:  No kids yet?

MC:  We have a dog named Charlie that I brought into the marriage.  He’s a little long haired Chihuahua.  He is so awesome!

KW:  My friends named their daughter Charlie.

MC:  Really?!?  My wife and I love little girls with boy names.  It is so cute!  We talked about when we do have kids we want to name a girl Elliot.

KW:  Alex is pretty.

MC:  Judah is a pretty name for a girl.

KW:  The one I like is Nevaeh.

MC:  That’s pretty funny.  My friend Sonny from POD named his daughter Nevaeh.  In fact, I think he was in the news for it.  That name blew up after that.  It is a really pretty name.

KW:  How long have you guys been around now?

MC:  We’ve been Islander now for 3 years, I’m horrible at math, but yeah, it has been like 3 years now.

KW:  (laughs) I checked out a few of your songs and you won me over immediately.

MC:  Thank you man!  I really appreciate that.

KW:  It is a little different.  Is the sound something you worked at or did it come natural?

MC:  We let it come naturally.  We like making the music we enjoy.  I listen to a lot of Depeche Mode and Bjork.  (fist bump) Give it to me man!  That’s the good stuff!  We also listen to the more abrasive stuff; our guitarist listens to a lot of Dillinger Escape Plan.  We are just kind of all over the place.  We just try to make the music we enjoy.

KW:  What is the age range in the band?

MC:  I’m 28!  I can’t remember all the ages of the other guys.  I’ve never been really good at numbers.  I actually thought I was 28 for a whole year that I wasn’t.  I was about to turn 28 and I told everybody that I going to turn 29.  My wife was like, “you’re turning 28.” We did the math and I was turning 28.  So, this year I’m turning 29, so I feel like I’ve turned 28 twice.

KW:  Been a long tour huh?

MC:  (laughs) No, no!  (laughs)  If I forget how old I am, I forget how old I am.  I will just stay young.

KW: It doesn’t matter.  Once you hit 21 it doesn’t matter anymore.  It is just a blur after that.

MC:  Yeah!

KW:  Have you guys gotten a chance to get out and about in Chicago?

MC:  Not today, our label (Victory Records) is based here in Chicago so we’ve hung out here a good bit.  We’ve shot videos here and we got to eat the Chicago hot dogs, the Chocolate Cake Milk Shake at Portillo’s, the deep dish pizza; so we got to experience quite a bit out here.  Today though, we’ve just really been at the fest.

KW:  What’s your favorite thing that you’ve seen here in Chicago?

MC:  Like, out of all the things I’ve seen here in Chicago?

KW:  Yeah!

MC:  I got to see the Family Matters house!  I got my picture taken in front of it.  My wife and I watch 90’s sitcoms at home all the time.  Family Matters is one of my favorites!

KW:  Did you ever see the movie “Stir of Echoes” with Kevin Bacon?

MC:  I’ve heard of it, but I haven’t seen it.

KW:  I’ve been in the neighborhood that that was filmed in.

MC:  Creepy?

KW:  When you see the movie and walk through it does give you that creepy vibe.

MC:  I’ll have to check that out!

KW:  Have you ever played the…uh…what is the name of that place on the Southside?  I completely had a brain fart.  My brain just sharted.

MC: (laughs)

KW:  It’s, something Rockhouse on the Southside. 

MC:  We played Joliet.

KW:  Mojo’s?

MC:  Is that in Joliet?

KW:  Yeah, everybody plays Mojo’s.

MC:  I’m pretty sure it was Mojo’s.

KW:  That’s a place that you could get your van broken into.

MC:  (laughs) Is it really?  Well, when we played there last year it was freezing cold outside.  I’d assume that everyone who would break into a van was inside trying to stay warm.

KW:  (laughs) It is worse in the summer.  There is a rumor going around that Chicago is now the murder capital.

MC:  Really?!?

KW:  Yeah!  So, how many albums have you released now?

MC:  Violence and Destruction is our debut album; it has been out since July 8th.  We’ve had 2 EP’s and an independent release.

KW:  Then that wasn’t your first.

MC:  (laughs) Yeah, but those are just EP’s.  This was our first actual album, like, A RECORD!  You know man?  It is like our real introduction.

KW:  I got you.  How do fans seem to receive Islander?

MC:  They have been awesome!  It is weird for little ‘ol us from South Carolina to come to California or Chicago and see people singing our lyrics back to us, we’re just like wow; this is impacting people.  It is just weird for people to do that to me, but I do that to bands too.  I write the lyrics in the bathroom or lying on my bed and all these people are singing them back.  It is just cool!

KW:  Anybody at home you want to shout out too?

MC:  My dog Charlie, WHAT’S UP!  I can’t wait to have playtime with you!  My Grandma, my Mom and Dad and my whole family; PEACE, love you guys!  It’s been a pleasure talking to you!

KW:  For us too!  Thank you.

Rockstar Mayhem Fest in Tinley Park, IL Review

The Venue Versus the People

The Rockstar Energy Drink Mayhem Fest went off in Tinley Parks’ First Midwest Bank Amphitheater on Sunday, July 20th with a thunderous sound that probably shook the windows of nearby houses and made police officers nervous. Those that say that Metal music is dead, have obviously never been to a Metal show, let alone a full on festival!  From the moment that the first band hit the stage the performers kept the energy high like the marijuana smoke surrounding the venue did.  It was tag team effort.

Now there were some standout bands that hit the Coldcock Whiskey, Sumerian Records and Victory Records stages.  One of those bands was THC (Texas Hippie Coalition), despite one of its members being sick, gave a heavy southern dose of their Red Dirt Metal and injected it right into the faces of the mass of fans crowd surfing and moshing through the set.

One of the newer bands to the scene ripped up the Victory Records stage.  Islander gave a veteran kind of performance to all the intensely loyal and hot fans who attended the Victory stage, along with the veterans, Ill Nino and Emmure.  Honorable mentions of course go out to the blistering efforts made by Wretched and Erimha.

The Sumerian stage saw Body Count led by the Pimp-master himself, Ice T who gave the crowd their mean, topical and heavy brand of rap/metal/punk music.  Ice T, who was pretty much unseen except for one glimpse that the crowd got of him going to his tour bus with his bulldog and bumping a few fists through the fence, gave a performance like the true entertainer that he is.

The other standout band was Veil of Maya.  I watched the crowd immediately receive what this band put out.  I’m not going to lie; I never heard anything from them until that day, but that’s what festivals like this are for, right?  They came out and played like a heat seeking missile.  The notes flew from their amps and hit every hot metal head in the crowd.

The Coldcock Whiskey stage got to see Mushroomhead, which was a shock to me.  I would have figured them to be on the main stage.  I never got to see Mushroomhead, but I’m glad I did!  Anybody who says that they are a knockoff of Slipknot doesn’t know anything about this band.  Between the water drums, the music and the overall brutal set; this band had the fans eating out of a bowl of intestines.  Seeing Mushroomhead live was like taking Halloween and metal then mixing it with the Blue Man Group.  The whole time I was thinking that their stage show deserved the big stage!

The main stage saw the bands Trivium, Asking Alexandria, Korn, and Avenged Sevenfold.  These bands gave everything they had to the crowd.  Jonathon Davis proudly announced that this year marks 20 years for the band, but you wouldn’t have guessed that from their performance.  Korn worked the crowd up into a hormonal frenzy that would have backed up a Steroid-raged wrestler onto his ass!  If it has been 20 years for Korn, they never showed their age!  When Korn shouted, “Are you ready?” The crowd answered with a fervent YES!

What can you say about Avenged Sevenfold?  The only band that I can think of off the top of my head right now with more bad luck is Lynyrd Skynyrd.  Death, they’ve felt it.  Personal tragedy, they took it.  Career threatening injury, that happened too and they seem that much stronger for it!  A7X, their cult-like fans and I’m sure newly acquired fans got quite a treat; I know I did!  I own a couple of their CD’s, but I found a new respect for this band.  The stage show was everything that Rock-n-Roll music used to deliver on a regular basis.  They had the demonic stage set which eventually delivered a 20 plus foot skeleton king, battle ready.  A7X also delivered a pyrotechnic spectacle that may have rivaled a Kiss show…OK maybe not a Kiss show, but let me tell you, it was spectacular.  They gave the closers a longer set that also generously gave fans 2 encores leaving any doubters and haters nothing to complain about.

Overall the show delivered on every penny the tickets were worth ($60.00 for lawn).  Nothing bad can be said about the performers.  The venue itself is a different story.  I covered this festival last year for another magazine.  The tickets last year were not as expensive.  That’s really just the start.

The First Midwest Bank Amphitheater also tightened up the bootlaces quite a bit this year.  They were a lot stricter with the tailgating in the parking lot this year, making sure that you were getting shuffled into the venue without any beer.  Once you got to the gates, security did their regular search letting in a certain amount of contraband like booze and weed; you know, the concert essentials.

When I went up to get a beer I almost fell over.  My hips almost gave out which would have left my body falling in a very Charlie Chaplin kind of way.  I asked for a tallboy (24 ounces) of Pabst Blue Ribbon and the woman said sharply without any kind of remorse for the request, “That will be fifteen dollars.”

“FIFTEEN DOLLARS?!?  You have got to be kidding me?”

She replied dryly, “No sir, fifteen dollars.”

“Then no, can I just get water then?”

“That’s $4.50.”

She handed me my almost five dollar water without the cap.  I asked, “Can I get that cap please?”

“No sir, my boss says that we can’t give you the cap.”

“Do you think I’m a 2 year old?  Am I going to choke on it like a toddler who isn’t sure what I can and can’t swallow?  Look, I’m press,” I held up my press band and a bag of camera equipment including a tripod, “I just need the cap because I’m working and I’m going to need to stick it in the bag when I need to.”

Needless to say, she wouldn’t give me the cap.  The prices for drinks and food were outrageous and not outrageous in the sense that I would pay for it by justifying that it was a concert.  The FMBA finally did it for me; they hit the price that I could not justify, even at a concert!

Rating:  The Concert get’s a 9.5/10
Rating:  The First Midwest Bank Amphitheater itself get’s a 3/10

Malaysian Flight 17 and the Irresponsible

The Disrespect of 295 Victims

Myself, and most everyone else have been watching the coverage of the Malaysian Airlines Flight 17 that was shot down (who shot the missile is STILL unknown) over eastern Ukraine since about 10:30 am (central time).  The Boeing 777 crash site is near the town of Torez, which is in the Donetsk region of eastern Ukraine and is occupied by Russian rebel forces.  The plane was reported at nearly 33,000 feet (32,000 feet is the legal altitude of flight in that area).

All of the usual suspects (President Vladimir Putin, President Obama, and Ukrainian Prime Minister Arsenly Yatsenyuk) in the Ukrainian dispute chimed in with their condolences to the families of the victims.  Malaysian Prime Minister Najib Razak went to Twitter stating that an investigation will be launched immediately.

This is a good thing to hear for the families of the almost 300 dead in the crash.  However, it was reported that the Russian rebel forces were not allowing anyone into the crash site and that they have retrieved the black box for the plane.  It was reported that the black box is being sent to Moscow.

Aviation experts cautioned people about jumping to any kind of conclusions about the crash this early, however all I have been listening to since 10:30 this morning are halfwit TV journalists giving every opinion on what they think happened to Flight 17 and the 295 people dead. 

From working in the news industry I do understand.  I understand that this is the kind of news that the industry dies to get their hands on so they can give a call to every expert they know, every freelance guy overseas and all of the internet trolls they have to research any angle they can think of.  You can’t forget to give all of the politicians they can give airtime to and of course the biggest news that they keep pushing; the big possibility that a U.S. patron was on board.  Yeah, let’s keep throwing that idea into every other sentence and rev up all of the crazy corn-fed ‘Murica boys into an all out fake social media frenzy.

I also love how the media once again got down on President Obama about not saying anything about the incident.  Then when he does say something, our media is immediately complaining about how little he actually said.  The fact is that there really wasn’t much to say about the crash.  Nobody really knew anything yet! 

What I’m sure we will more than likely find out is that the Russian Separatists probably fired the weapon.  If that’s the case, President Obama might actually have a leg to stand on in his back and forth debates with Putin.  What this might show Putin is that it is irresponsible to have supplied these rebels with training and weapons, if he in fact did supply them.  That still isn’t known for sure either.

What we may be dealing with is the dumb cousin effect.  You know what I’m talking about!  We all have that one stupid cousin that everyone makes excuses for.  In this case we might be dealing with dumb cousin Viktor who saw the plane and instead of waiting for an order, thought, “Hey, I could be a true hero to my countrymen, “and tragically took down Flight 17 and its 295 people.  Viktor, this is the dumbest thing you might have done!

Zombies, Booze, Music and Lesbian Love

Chicago Zombie Prom 2014

It was Friday, June 20th; we arrived at 8 PM with an hour to spare.  We rolled up in Beast’s (Mark De La Paz/photographer) Metallic Orange compact car, otherwise known as The Great Pumpkin with bad drum brakes that we fearlessly and stupidly drove down I-90 – 94 to the Bottom Lounge on Lake Street and Ogden Avenue in Chicago.  As soon as we saw the big flat green bus with zombies pouring out of every door, we knew we were at the right place.

We walked up to the bloody crowd not really sure what to do first.  I started asking people where I could find my contact Renee, who I had been emailing back and forth with for a few weeks.  I walked up to one tattered zombies and asked, “Where can I find Renee?”

The blood drenched zombie answered promptly, “Do you see her over there?” he was pointing in the direction of about ten zombies, “She is the shortest one here.”

I looked over and from behind a woman standing about 5 foot 3, I saw the 4 foot 10 woman giving orders to the hoard of undead workers like she was 7 feet tall.  We went over to her and she immediately started giving us the tour.  I leaned over to her and said, “You sounded taller over the phone,” she wasn’t really amused with my attempt to break the ice.

Renee showed us the various spots in the club except for the VIP area.  We weren’t allowed to touch that area as she told us.  She took us down a long hallway to the last door by the garbage.  It was a tiny Green Room with just enough space for the two of us; the life of a journalist is so glamorous.  “So when are we going to be able to get our interview with John (LaFlamboy, owner of Zombie Army Productions)?  I see it is getting dangerously close to start time.”

“It will be about 5 minutes.” She replied.  “Would you like to just do the interview in here?”

“That should be fine.”

What we didn’t realize at first was that we had no lighting rig for the video camera that we needed desperately.  We spent the next four and a half minutes trying to figure out a lighting solution that would work.  The half a minute gave us enough time to pack the camera back up and get ready to confidently tell John that the ambiance out in the party room would be much better.  We went out to do the interview where the Prom pictures were being taken; they had a good lighting rig for us to utilize.


We saw all of the zombie creatures and creations as they walked through the door dressed in their best poofy prom dresses, shredded and bloody.  We made our way over to the makeup area set up in the far front corner of the club.  “Who should we have do my makeup Beastie?” I asked as I looked at the different artists.

“You might want to pick the one who has the best lighting,” Beast continued and pointed at the girl who was set against the wall in a booth, “she has some extra lighting.”

She did have some extra lighting that we watched her fight with.  It was a tall lamp with three separate bulbs on a thin stem that kept trying to topple over on the guy getting his makeup done.  “That seems legit to me.”  I said, “I’m going to get a beer.  Do you want one?”

“I’m good.” Beast said.

“You sure, it’s going to be a long night and this thing just started?”

“I’m good, hungry, but good.”

I made a straight line for the dark wood bar, ordered up a PBR Tallboy.  I wasn’t ready for the cute blonde bartender to hand me the tallboy and ask for $4.00.  I went back to the makeup artist area where Beast was setting up for the shot.  “Hey Kidman, you’re up next.”

“They just charged me four dollars for a Pabst Blue Ribbon!?!”

“Well, it is the city.”

“No, no!  This was the Hipsters driving up the price of a perfectly decent, cheap beer.  It is just like when we Punks, back in the day, drove the price of Mickey’s Big-mouths up over the average price for malt liquor.”

The makeup artist who introduced herself as Whitney came up to me asking me if I was ready.  We started fidgeting with the lamp to make sure that we had some kind of lighting for the video…making sure that it wasn’t going to fall on my head.  Whitney proclaimed, “Alright, let’s zombiefy you!”

I laughed, “Zombiefy?”

“It’s going to be a buzz word, it will happen.”

Zombie Prom was like John Hughes puked up The Munsters after drinking a vintage, George Romero Bourbon in an all-night bender…in a good way!   The whole crowd was jumping around, having a great time as Wedding Banned blew the doors off the place with a cover of the classically pop-tastic “Footloose.”


As the night went on Beast and I just moved into party mode; we just let ourselves enjoy the party for a while.    We went outside to join the rest of the devilish demons basking in the nicotine filled smoke in front of the club.  I met these two people outside; the guy was a grizzly looking zombie with dreadlocks, munching cleverly on a hospital issued medical I.V. bag, that he might have stolen.  The girl was very statuesque with a wide smile that could melt the heart of a nun.

We stood outside for a while talking, finding out that the guy actually works for JBTV.  The statuesque girl was actually stood up by some guy who obviously had the eyesight of a dirty little mole and the personality of a garbage can.  Her personality was so infectious, that you just found yourself flirting without even realizing that you were doing it.

It is an insane kind of feeling when you realize that you might be the sane one in the crowd.  Every time you turned your head there was another character.  We happened to look over and saw a girl with her pretty blood-drenched prom dress, with her wobbly drunken legs open two shoulder lengths apart, fanning her rickety crotch.  “What are you doing?”  I asked, already realizing that I had just started a conversation that Beast was now a reluctant participant of.

The friend walked over to us stumbling and slurring, “She is airing it out.”

Beast starts shaking his head, “Your friend is a dirty bird!”

The girl replied quickly with no sense attached to her statement, “I said it was dripping!”

“She is just airing it out; it gets hot under there,” I reiterated to Beast.  “It is either that, or gonorrhea.”

The girl’s name, which we never got coherently, we will call her The Tottering Pignut.  Beast and I started talking to each other about what shots we needed next, the itinerary and when our interview with the band was; all the while, The Tottering Pignut kept talking to us, not even noticing that we weren’t talking to her anymore.  Needless to say, I’m pretty sure someone was holding her hair back for her later that night.

After talking with a few more zombies outside we headed back into the ballroom to catch our interview with the Chicagoland cover band, Wedding Banned.

As the night rolled on, our eyes were glued to the stage.  We got to share in a moment that most people don’t get to see in their lifetime.  We witnessed a zombie marriage proposal.  The mohawked zombie got down on one knee and proposed to his zombie bride to be with hundreds of eyes and cameras all gazing upon them.  I have to be honest…I got a little choked up.  What can I say; I love a good freakshow.


The stage fun wasn’t over with the marriage proposal.  That surprise led right into the crowning of the Zombie Prom King and Queen festival.  The five couples were introduced with little back stories for their respective zombie characters.  These character introductions included cute little dead puns, blood packets and a lot of stage groping.  The King and Queen went to a Queen and a Queen.  The winners were a lesbian couple that went up on stage as Jesus Juice.  The makeup was wonderful and it was the first time that the honor went to a lesbian couple.



The prom ended late into the night.  We said our respective good-byes and I got the usual questions about when the article will be up and I gave my usual vague answer of, “soon.”  We packed up all of the equipment and set out down the expressways in the middle of the night under the glow of the orange streetlights and visions of the undead dancing through our heads.

The ride home gave me time to reflect a bit about the Prom and the people that put the show on.  It wasn’t just some hokey kind of production like your Mom’s Halloween party with her friends from her arts and crafts class or your neighbors’ ugly sweater party.  No, no!  This was something special!  From the location to the drinking, the elaborate makeup designs; you had severed bodies hanging from the ceilings and a lot of love.  I’ve been to a lot of events, but I’ve never been to an event where the owners/promoters cared so much about how much fun you were having at their event.  John LaFlamboy and his Zombie Army Productions put on a true family affair with booze and that takes a lot of love.

Photo Credits: Mark De La Paz