In my true Carrie Bradshaw wannabe fashion, I cannot explain how much I love shoes. Pumps, boots, flats, sneakers--they are all wonderful in my book. Give me money for groceries and I spend it on shoes like a true woman. You see, I get it from my Mom. Heels clicking on a hardwood floor will forever remind me of my mother.
Sadly, my father just doesn’t get it. I’m convinced that, were it not for his daughter and wife, he would just walk around like Big Foot. And it’s for that reason why I feel like I have the authority to tell you about which men you need to stay away from...based on their shoes. Sounds crazy, but trust me. It works. Let’s get started.
The running shoes guy:
It saddens me that I even have to include this in my article, but some guys are still stuck in 1994 for some reason. Think about it. Running shoes should only be acceptable at the gym or you know, running. If I kept a tally of how many dudes I see with their Nike trainers and a polo on trying to chat up a girl—and succeeding—I would be very depressed. Girls, this guy is most likely a jerk that will tell you to shut up when “the game” is on.
The Birkenstock/Crocs guy:
One word: Granola. This guy is “bohemian” and “interesting” because he grows his own “herbs” and wears lots of man jewelry, right? Well, he is generally a nice person, but how many times can you listen to ambient music before you want to claw your way out of his Subaru?
The checkered Vans guy (Note: must have holes and/or be falling apart):
Not only is this alternative rebel stuck in high school regarding his choice of footwear, but I guarantee he still loves The Chariot or any of those other hardxcore bands that were briefly relevant when everyone was full of angst. Do you like reminiscing about 5th period? Then, this is the guy for you.
The mUggs guy:
Honey, he’s not on your team. Move along.
The Sperry top-siders guy:
Why are you still looking at his feet?! He is most likely a chiseled Ralph Lauren model from Connecticut that may or may not be able to carry on a conversation about anything worthwhile. At least his tanned skin and tousled hair is nice to look at though, right?
The cowboy boots guy:
It’s a miracle you even saw this man due to the fact that he is wearing camouflage paired with his cowboy boots. I know, “Sweet Home Alabama” is a catchy song, but that song and the confederate flag on his pick-up is just overkill. If you like talking about how the government was at its best for the past 8 years, then by all means.
All this being said, I’m obviously playing in to stereotypes and not all men fit these descriptions. What truly matters in a man is his heart and...sole. Sorry, I had to. You understand.
