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Elif Geris

I’m a Creative Writing major at the University of Illinois at Chicago, which does not have a journalism program.

My (and your) response to that: WHUCK?!

But it’s okay. Almost as much as I love to report world events to you, I love to write fiction stories that normally entail someone getting lost somewhere. And a lot of the time, I get my writing inspiration from music; Royksopp, Radiohead, Air, Regina Spektor. To me, music completes everything.

On the side of writing, I play piano, sing and write music.

And do impressions. My mockery inspirations range from Kristen Wiig’s “Penelope,” to high school classmates, to Bill Hader’s eyebrows, to 1940s film actor voices. One of my favorite impressions is a kid in my high school senior year trigonometry class who didn’t seem to understand much of the concept. But he, nevertheless, would constantly utter the word, “Troo,” while the teacher was explaining an equation.

A lot of the time, I just like to ridicule my own existence. I like to add a Southern twang while speaking Turkish or French; every Turk I’ve met has told me I have a very noticeable accent, and that my sister’s is…well…less blemished. And I enjoy acting like a Sim with her and fellow “ The Sims” players. Sool sool if you’re reading this!

Speaking of Sims, my traumatic experiences with The Grim Reaper taught me how to really take care of myself.

I recently do not like people who are too mysterious. The movie, Drive –which I give a 70% – taught me to stay away from attractive people, who stare at you for extensive periods of time with doughy eyes.

I admire quirky people like Kristen Wiig – one of my greatest idols – who are unafraid to make themselves appear ugly or “Target Lady” to make other people laugh. I like to think that my insignificantly pathetic moments serve just that purpose.

There’s a “pAAHsitive” spin!

The next "Real Housewives" separation: Adrienne Maloof and her plastic surgeon

The “Real Housewives” separation between Adrienne Maloof and Dr. Nassif could become divorce

Adrienne Maloof of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills will fight husband of 10 years, Dr. Paul Nassif, for full custody of their children during The Real Housewives seperation. Nassif filed papers to separate from Maloof Monday, according to Examiner.

A source said of the Real Housewives separating said, “Adrienne is going to fight Paul for full [legal] custody of the kids. She wants primary physical custody. She says she is the parent who is with the kids the most, and she will do everything she can to keep them. She believes this is what is best for them.”

The Real Housewives’ separating couple met during Adrienne Maloof’s plastic surgery consultations and now have three children together, their names Christian, Colin and Gavin. Nassif was the doctor who restructured Maloof’s nose and who fills her lips.

Examiner also reported its prediction of a divorce between Adrienne Maloof and Nassif soon to come. But the “Real Housewives” separation could just be an effort to test the waters apart.

Maloof is not alone in the split as many Real Housewives have gone through the same thing Real Housewives separations. According to Examiner, Camille and Kelsey Grammer divorced, as well as Taylor Armstrong and the late Russell Armstrong.

 

The fake "NY Times" article that defends WikiLeaks

The fake “NY Times” article confuses readers, as well as “NY Times” reporters

Bill Keller, former executive editor of The New York Times, tweeted Sunday that his name had been hijacked. In the fake NY Times article leaked, Bill Keller defends WikiLeaks and claims that the Obama administration has “gone too far” in targeting the controversial website.

The urgent tweet Keller released read, “THERE IS A FAKE OP-ED GOING AROUND UNDER MY NAME, ABOUT WIKILEAKS. EMPHASIS ON ‘FAKE.’ AS IN, NOT MINE.”

But readers were not the only people the fake NY Times article fooled. Even The New York Times’s own staff believed the fake NY Times article to be Keller’s own words of defense for WikiLeaks.

According to The Inquistr, some reporters were so surprised that they felt the need to tweet about the fake NY Times article, as well.

One reporter from The New York Times tweeted that the writer of the fake NY Times article extracted some of Keller’s actual words from an e-mail he sent to the reporter.

An excerpt media outlets have been highlighting includes these words: “You don’t have to embrace Assange as a kindred spirit to believe that what he did in publishing those cables falls under the protection of the First Amendment.”

But the e-mail emphasizes, “My point…that if WikiLeaks is subject to that kind of prosecution for publishing classified information, then the NYT or any other traditional media outlet is in danger of being prosecuted as well.”

Verbatim, Keller wrote, “I’ve said repeatedly, in print and in a variety of public forums, that I would regard an attempt to criminalize WikiLeaks’ publication of these documents as an attack on all of us, and I believe the mainstream media should come to his defense,” referring to Julian Assange, the mastermind of WikiLeaks.

According to Digital Journal, the fake NY Times article page looks legitimate enough. But if people look closely, they will notice a difference in URLs between the real New York Times website and the fake NY Times op-ed article web page. The original article URL should read, “nytimes.com/pages/opinion,” but instead reads, “opinion-nytimes.com”

The fake NY Times article is found at http://www.opinion-nytimes.com/2012/07/29/opinion/keller-a-post-postscript.html.

Danica Patrick suffers second crash in three days

Danica Patrick is not injured after colliding No. 14 Chevy and dropping oil cooler

Danica Patrick, Go Daddy spokeswoman and race car driver, suffered her second crash in three days on the Michigan International Speedway Monday. But no news of injury has been issued.

Her second crash occurred just after the CEO of  Go Daddy resigned. Warren Adelman stepped down to spend more quality time with his family.

Danica Patrick crashed during the Goodyear tire test in Michigan, when she subbed for Sprint Cup series champion Tony Stewart. She was driving the No. 14 Chevy, whose oil cooler dropped out of the car upon collision.

The test is meant to train racers for the Pure Michigan 400 in the middle of August. About 28 drivers drove in the test run. 

Danica Patrick experienced her first crash this weekend in the inaugural Nationwide Indiana 250 on lap 39, where her car hit Reed Sorenson’s.

According to The Detroit News, the test in Michigan was called as a result of the blistered tires in June’s race, which Dale Earnhardt Jr. won. Goodyear switched tires out because of the blistering, but that did not completely prevent the blistering tires. 

The next Sprint Cup, named the Pocono 400, will take place Sunday.

The 2012 NASCAR Nationwide Series will take place on the Indianapolis Motor Speedway.

On the upcoming series, Danica Patrick said, “I don’t care what I drive, I just like being here. Obviously I’ve had great experiences (here). I just like the track. I love the tradition.”

Patrick is expected to race in the Cup series for Stewart-Haas Racing. She will also race IndyCar in 2013 in the Indianapolis 500, according to CBS New York.

Danica Patrick also showed off her race car driving gusto while starring in country singer Miranda Lambert’s Fastest Girl in Town music video where the feminine duo is chased by a man who tries to gun them down.

Elizabeth Berkley shares news of first baby

Elizabeth Berkley gave birth to Sky Cole Lauren

Saved By The Bell actress Elizabeth Berkley is elated to share the birth of her son Sky Cole Lauren, born on July 20th, by husband of nine years, Greg Lauren. Sky Cole Lauren is the couple’s first child.

Lauren, 42, is the nephew of the famed designer Ralph Lauren, and a designer himself. Like Elizabeth Berkley, Lauren also acted in Boogie Nights and Batman Forever

Elizabeth Berkley, 40, played Bayside High’s Jessie Spano opposite Mark-Paul Gosselaar and Mario Lopez, who played Bayside students Zach Morris and Slater. Lopez is now a host on television’s Extra.

Elizabeth Berkley starred in Showgirls in the role of a former prostitute aspiring to rear her own Las Vegas show. She also starred in TV movies such as 2003’s Student Seduction as a teacher accused of pedophilia toward a student. She also had roles in S. Darko, CSI: Miami and others.

Elizabeth Berkley authored the book, Ask Elizabeth: Real Answers to Everything You Secretly Wanted to Ask About Love, Friends, Your Body…and Life in General.

According to OnTheRed Carpet, Tiffani Thiessen, who played Kelly Kapowski on Saved By The Bell also spoke on motherhood. Thiessen had her daughter, Harper in June 2010.

Thiessen said, “First of all, that word ‘Mom,’ it’s like, when you’re young, you don’t even think that,” adding, “Now to be hearing ‘Mama, mama, mama 24-seven, it’s pretty awesome.”

Elizabeth Berkley tweeted, “In life there are moments you cherish forever and this is one of them,” in March while anxiously awaiting the birth of her first child.
 

 

"The Matrix" director and the transformation of a lifetime

“The Matrix” director, Larry Wachowski, introduces herself as Lana Wachowski

A back flip is a difficult feat for many to overcome. But The Matrix director sex change may cause involuntary back flips among the public.

Larry Wachowski first introduced herself as Lana Wachowski in the director’s commentary trailer for the upcoming Cloud Atlas. But according to OnTheRedCarpet, The Matrix director sex change occurred in 2008.

The Matrix director sex change was also officially revealed in an interview for this year’s documentary, Side By Side.

The Matrix director sex change began in 2002 when Wachowski split from ex-wife Thea Bloom.

According to a 2004 People article, Wachowski and Bloom had problems with their prenuptial agreement. Bloom claimed that Wachowski did not give her a sufficient report of the director’s net worth.

As a result, the Los Angeles Superior Court prohibited Wachowski from receiving anything of value from her two film production companies, co-owned with her brother, Andy Wachowski.

After their divorce, Wachowski was seen with a professional dominatrix named Ilsa Strix at a The Matrix Reloaded premier.

Though it is unknown whether The Matrix director sex change is complete, according to GlobalPost, Wachowski has been getting hormone treatment for the last ten years.

The People article also noted that The Matrix director sex change was already revealed by Wachowski’s friends almost a decade ago, and by a date she went to the Cannes Film Festival with.

Wachowski’s upcoming film, Cloud Atlas, is a sci-fi movie based on the novel by David Mitchell, featuring characters from the present to the future. According to OnTheRedCarpet, The Matrix director’s movie is set for release on Oct. 26th. Cloud Atlas will star Tom Hanks, Hugo Weaving, Jim Sturgess, Halle Berry, Hugh Grant and Susan Sarandon.
 

Russel Brand charged for throwing an iPhone through a window

Russel Brand owes $500 in fines, and then some

The gentle and delicate Russell Brand earned himself 20 hours of community service and a $500 fine for throwing a paparazzo’s phone through a window in New Orleans.

According to Reuters, that is the verdict the case finally reached about four months after the fact. He was initially arrested for property damage, but was discharged shortly thereafter.

Brand’s lawyer entered a plea of not guilty for the notorious comedian, and Russell Brand did not show up in court. The case will only be dismissed if Brand fulfills the two stipulations by Aug 31st.

Russell Brand was also deported from Japan for his criminal background upon a trip to visit ex-wife Katy Perry during her tour there.

Also according to Reuters, Russel Brand can complete the community service “at any charity or agency anywhere, whether it be California or England,” said Brand’s lawyer.

On Aug. 31st, Brand will return to court to finalize judgment of his community service.
 

Audrina Patridge flaunts her beach body

Audrina Patridge gives fitness secrets

After being away from the limelight and the end of final season’s end of The Hills, Audrina Patridge reminds the public who she is by posing in a black and white bikini.

According to WebProNews, Audrina Patridge was at a Foxwoods Resort Casino’s ‘Liquid Sundays’ pool party when she decided to show of her far from flawed bikini body this weekend.

Having grown up in the Laguna Beach, Calif, Patridge said, “I don’t even think twice about wearing a swimsuit because it’s always been a part of my lifestyle,” adding, “But I have girlfriends who are so afraid to show their bodies. They won’t take off their towels at the beach or pool. It’s a shame because everyone can look good in a suit.”

But, she was also seen wearing a casual, classic outfit to a Hollywood birthday party at Chateau Marmont. According to Omg! Audrine Patridge was wearing black coated black jeans, black paten kitten heals and a white shirt that read “California.”

Omg! claimed her lax birthday outfit to be patriotic toward her state.

Audrina Patridge also had some fitness tips to share. According to International Business Times, the former reality television star first advised that people be open-minded. Though a bikini may suit a celebrity, that does not mean that the same bikini will flatter others’ figures.

Audrina Patridge also attends fitness training sessions three times a week. Her routine moves are called a body box.

Audrina Patridge’s trainer, Jarett DelBene, explained what the body box is. “We alternate rounds of boxing combinations that include punches and kicks with circuits of body weight-only strength moves,” adding, “It’s high intensity, so you burn lots of calories while you’re firming up. And because the exercises don’t use any gear, Patridge can stick to them whether she’s on the road or at home.”
 

The first American female astronaut comes out – in her obituary

Sally Ride, the first American female astronaut finally exposes a long-term relationship

Sally Ride was the first American female astronaut and came out as lesbian in her obituary after dying Monday of pancreatic cancer. Ride battled pancreatic cancer for 17 months prior to her death.

Joining her in writing her obituary was her partner of 27 years, Tam O’Shaughnessy.

The astronaut comes out story has caused a stir among homosexuals whom think Sally Ride should have exposed her sexual orientation earlier.

“For her not to have shared an incredibly important aspect of her life — being in a committed long-term relationship with a woman — meant many Americans did not get to see a dimension of her life that would have helped them understand us (gay people) and our contributions to society,” said Fred Sainz, the Vice President of Communications for the Human Rights Campaign on the astronaut comes out story.

Sainz believes Ride could have changed the image of homosexuals and shed light on those less understanding of gay rights.

While the homosexual population would have appreciated support from a well-respected individual like Ride, the astronaut comes out story emphasizes how important privacy was to Ride.

Bloggers are buzzing with comments such as, “She was the absent heroine,” wrote EMissourian.com. But, the first gay bishop of the Anglican world to come out respects Ride’s choice for privacy.

Episcopal Bishop Gene Robinson of New Hampshire said, “For girls who had an interest in science and wanted to go places women had not been allowed to go, she was a tremendous role model,” adding, “The fact that she chose to keep her identity as a lesbian private — I honor that choice.”

Robinson is a firm believer in coming out young as he believes this generation’s youth faces decreased consequences for its gay population.

Similar to Ride’s privacy in the astronaut comes out story is that no American baseball, basketball, hockey or football players have come out during their careers. Usually, they have waited until retirement to expose one of the most private aspects of their lives.

According to EMissourian.com, on the brighter side of the astronaut comes out story, Sainz added, “However, the fact [that] it was acknowledged in death will be an incredibly powerful message to all Americans about the contributions of their LGBT counterparts.”

Vanessa Minnillo and Nick Lachey impatiently await baby boy

Vanessa Minnillo proudly shows off her pregnant belly

Impatient to meet their new baby boy, a photo of Vanessa Minnillo and husband Nick Lachey showing off her bare pregnant belly has been released.

Lachey, 38, has said that he just wants to see the human inside his wife, whom he has felt kicks from and seen in the ultrasounds for months now.

The former 98 Degrees band member announced the news of Vanessa Minnillo’s pregnancy on Live! With Kelly to host Kelly Ripa.

The baby is due soon. Lachey publicly announced the due date, which is Sept. 6th. And Reality TV Magazine wrote of its belief that Vanessa Minnillo is ready to pop the baby boy out.

Lachey said, “We’re just excited to move onto the next phase and meet this little guy,” adding “You see him in sonograms and you feel him move — you just want to meet him!”

Vanessa Minnillo added, “My Happiness . . . My Family! Ah, my Boys!”

Lachey and Vanessa Minnillo are currently preparing for the birth of their first child and Lachey said the pregnancy has been a smooth one.

Vanessa Minnillo has always been too excited to hold in the pregnancy news, and in March tweeted “#ToBeClear @NickSLachey & I are praying for a healthy baby First & Foremost! I just always envisioned a boy 1st to take care of his siblings.”

Vanessa Minnillo rose to fame as a host on MTV and co-host on ABC’s Wipeout last year.

The couple met while filming Lachey’s music video for What’s Left of Me, where Vanessa Minnillo starred as Jessica Simpson. The video was created shortly after Lachey and Simpson divorced.

Kristen Stewart has an affair with married director, Rupert Sanders

Robert Pattinson unable to forgive his beloved Kristen Stewart

“I’m deeply sorry for the hurt and embarrassment I’ve caused to those close to me and everyone this has affected,” is what Kristen Stewart said after coming out about an affair with Snow White and the Huntsman director Rupert Sanders, 41.

Photos were captured of the two cuddling in his car.

Sanders has two children with wife, Liberty Ross, who is a model and who played her mother in Snow White and the Huntsman.

Although Kristen Stewart apologized several times to boyfriend of three years, Robert Pattinson, he was too hurt to accept her. His soul broken, Robert Pattinson packed his bags and left their shared Los Angeles home.

Kristen Stewart also plans to issue an apology to Ross, 33, who recently expressed concern about her marriage to YOU magazine.

“I would never say out loud that I am raising my children alone, but a lot of the time it has felt like that. I went from the glamour of working with Karl Lagerfeld and John Galliano to living on an isolated hilltop, with my husband gone most of the time,” said Ross, a London native.

Sanders apologized to Ross and the couple is allegedly working hard to get their relationship back on its feet.

My beautiful wife and heavenly children are all I have in this world. I love them with all my heart. I am praying that we can get through this together,” said Sanders.

According to Fox News, Kristen Stewart and Pattinson were seen arguing backstage the Teen Choice Awards ceremony Sunday.

Stewart added this to her apology: “This momentary indiscretion has jeopardized the most important thing in my life, the person I love and respect the most, Rob. I love him, I love him, I’m so sorry.”