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DMX arrested for DUI

Michael DeLaney

X got it given to him.

Oh DMX, just because you’re a Ruff Ryder, doesn’t mean you have to always ride so rough. It’s been reported that Earl Simmons “AKA The Dog gettin’ down for real and goin’ hard,” was arrested last night for drunk driving in Greenville, South Carolina.

DMX, star of American cinema classics such as Romeo Must Die and Cradle 2 the Grave, was also charged with driving without a license and driving without a seatbelt. Though the story has been reported by multiple news outlets, DMX’s publicist Domenick Nati seemed to protest claims made by the Greenville boys in blue:

“Allegations about DMX being arrested for drunk driving are false. He was arrested early this morning but quickly released. X was given a breathalyzer test and easily passed it,” Nati said. “He is back at his home in South Carolina and we are continuing our focus on his upcoming album and acting roles.”

DMX, what gives my comrade? I would’ve expected more from a rapper of your stature. I mean, besides spending three years and change in prison for impersonating a federal officer, DMX has always been a stand-up fellow.

DMX is such a swell guy that he’s had six different parts to a song called “Prayer;” I bet that’s more prayers than you’ve said this month!

Sure he’s been found guilty of criminal possession of drugs such as crack cocaine, entered rehab and consequently violated his drug probation, but at least he’s a friend to animals!

Ok that’s not exactly true, but just because you’re found guilty of animal cruelty does not mean you’re not a friend to animals; I’m cruel to my friends all of the time!

Oh man. Guys I think I’m beginning to realize that DMX may not be the role model I thought he was. A revelation like this is going to take some time to digest.

In the meantime I’ll offer DMX some words that once helped me through a hard time:

“Stop; drop. Shut ‘em down, open up shop. Oh. No. That’s how Ruff Ryders roll.”

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