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Coming out to your parents

Janelle Vreeland

We help make coming out to your parents a little bit easier

Coming out can be an anxiety and stress-filled process. Although it may be a difficult subject to approach, especially when addressing it with your parents, there are things you can do to make coming out easier and less intimidating.

Kathy Belge from has put together a guide that makes coming out to your parents about your homosexuality as easy as possible. The first thing you should consider is a good time to talk to address your parents about coming out. Try to find a time when you will be able to speak with your parents without being interrupted. It’s preferable to schedule this time so that it doesn’t coincide with a big family function that is already stressful, like a vacation or a holiday. It’s also best to discuss it face-to-face so you can properly gauge one another’s emotions and reactions.

Belge recommends that you plan ahead of time how you want to approach coming out (i.e. how you want to bring it up, what you want to say, etc.). Planning what you want to say ahead of time will help keep you calm and focused. You also run less of a chance of becoming flustered and leaving things unsaid.

Although there is no doubt that your parents love you, it may take them time to adjust to this realization. Remember to be patient with them. After all, the thought that you’re homosexual may have never even crossed their minds. If they become angry or start to argue, remember to stay calm and cool, and reassure them that you know what you are. If parents hold some preconceived notions about homosexuality, they might also argue that you should be “cured” or they might try to blame something or someone for “turning” you. Again, if this happens, remember to stay as level-headed as possible while still making your voice heard. You are the one who is coming out and you need to be heard.

Even if they don’t seem upset, chances are, your parents will need to discuss your coming out with someone they know and can trust. Just as you probably needed to discuss your coming out with a friend or a counselor, they need to discuss it too. Be sure to give your parents the space they may need to adjust to this news and be sure to surround yourself with friends or others who know about and accept your homosexuality. Now more than ever, you will need support and reassurance.

Coming out to your parents can be intimidating, but, in the end, it is a necessary step so that you may begin a new chapter of your life unburdened by this secret. For more advice on coming out to your parents and family, visit

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