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Could you ever take another person’s virginity?

Coming from the American Pie generation, losing your virginity epitomized the transition between high school and college, from child to adult. However, a one month study done by a student at NYU of 4,593 college students on his campus and others revealed surprising results. Of the freshmen who responded, 64 percent were still virgins.  The percentages shrank and as the college shenanigans progressed:

-Sophomore year: 56% virgins
-Junior year: 32% virgins
-Senior year: 28% virgins

Now, if you are shaking your head saying, “What? No way!” now may be the time to reconsider. Out of the six women in my dorm hall I was friends with, only two were non-virgins as of freshman year. 

Fast forward to the summer before my junior year of college to an embarrassing attempt to score on a date, only to be shut down because the guy was still a virgin and was not ready.  My crash and burn attempt at sex made me think could I ever take another person’s virginity again? 

“The problem is: virginity is a big deal to some and not a big deal to others. So sleeping with someone that has different beliefs on it is the problem. [What] I see most is guys take advantage of a girl who is a virgin and she wants “more” or a “relationship” and he is looking for a “good time”. Girls take advantage of guys too…don’t get me wrong. Sleep with someone who understands the situation the same way you do… virginity or not,” replied Tricia. 

Understanding the situation trumps all other complications with sex, whether it be virginity, one night stands or relationships.  However, losing your virginity, for a male or female, ignites emotions. As a couple, you form an emotional attachment forever; no one forgets their first time. 

“I took a virginity once.  It was a bad idea.  I knew exactly what I was doing, and I probably took advantage of her.  The fleeting romantic idea of taking someone’s virginity isn’t worth the months (literally) of emotional heartache she went through when she figured out I didn’t love her.  I still talk to her quite often, because I feel partially responsible for making sure she’s doing alright.  We’re good friends now, but every time I see her, it’s kind of painful for her.  Not worth it,” said Tom*.

So, what’s a gal or guy to do when they find themselves in the virgin/devirgined sexual situation?  Keep these three tips in mind:

-Know your limits.  If he/she wants to continue to guard his/her chastity, let them.
-Know your situation. If he/she wants to get it on…by all means…
-Know the results. Be aware of Tom’s recount.  Flowing emotions will appear eventually.

Now, I’m not recommending everyone wear their virginity as a sign around their neck; however, to avoid an awkward situation later and to stimulate discussions, letting that special someone know before you are both naked in bed together may be a good idea.  And, like always, play protected!

*Name has been changed for privacy.

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