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Elif Geris

I’m a Creative Writing major at the University of Illinois at Chicago, which does not have a journalism program. My (and your) response to that: WHUCK?! But it’s okay. Almost as much as I love to report world events to you, I love to write fiction stories that normally entail someone getting lost somewhere. And a lot of the time, I get my writing inspiration from music; Royksopp, Radiohead, Air, Regina Spektor. To me, music completes everything. On the side of writing, I play piano, sing and write music. And do impressions. My mockery inspirations range from Kristen Wiig’s "Penelope," to high school classmates, to Bill Hader’s eyebrows, to 1940s film actor voices. One of my favorite impressions is a kid in my high school senior year trigonometry class who didn’t seem to understand much of the concept. But he, nevertheless, would constantly utter the word, “Troo,” while the teacher was explaining an equation. A lot of the time, I just like to ridicule my own existence. I like to add a Southern twang while speaking Turkish or French; every Turk I’ve met has told me I have a very noticeable accent, and that my sister’s is...well...less blemished. And I enjoy acting like a Sim with her and fellow “ The Sims” players. Sool sool if you’re reading this! Speaking of Sims, my traumatic experiences with The Grim Reaper taught me how to really take care of myself. I recently do not like people who are too mysterious. The movie, Drive –which I give a 70% - taught me to stay away from attractive people, who stare at you for extensive periods of time with doughy eyes. I admire quirky people like Kristen Wiig – one of my greatest idols – who are unafraid to make themselves appear ugly or “Target Lady” to make other people laugh. I like to think that my insignificantly pathetic moments serve just that purpose. There’s a “pAAHsitive” spin!

Macaulay Culkin has only six months left to live?

Representatives released a furious statement denying any drug addiction

Macaulay Culkin may only have six months to live after having allegedly spent $6,000 a month on his heroin addiction. This is what the media are spreading, while allegedly, Macaulay Culkin is not actually even on drugs.

According to E!, Culkin’s representative asserted that there is nothing to worry about.

“Macaulay Culkin is in perfectly good health.”

Other efforts to clear the Macaulay Culkin heroin rumor included his group of representatives slamming down the assumption as false on paper. Culkin’s representatives convey blatant furiousness in the writing.

The statement read, ‘The report in the National Enquirer that Macaulay Culkin is addicted to heroin and assorted hallucinogenics is not only categorically without merit, but it is also impossibly and ridiculously fictitious.’

The statement was in response to a close source’s allegations that the drugs Culkin is taking – heroin or oxycodone – is wasting him away and that his life could be nearing its end.

“Mac suffered a near overdose, and needed help,” said Macaulay Culkin’s friend, adding, “Fortunately he didn’t need to call 911 and the near-OD was kept quiet among his pals. But Mac got very sick.”

According to MailOnline, the suspicions might have arisen from a photo of a thin, unhealthy looking Macaulay Culkin that surfaced online. MailOnline also reported that ever since his relationship with long time girlfriend Mila Kunis ended, his health appears to have declined increasingly.

The statement by Culkin’s representatives continued, “We beseech the responsible media to consider the source and its reputation and to please not perpetuate this destructive and insulting story by pursuing it any further.”

Culkin became famous in his role in the “Home Alone” series, which was followed by roles in Richie Rich, Uncle Buck, My Girl and Party Monster opposite Seth Green.

Misty May-Treanor and Kerri Walsh Jennings lose a three-time streak

Misty May-Treanor and Kerri Walsh Jennings are getting older

For the first time in their three Olympics volleyball years, Misty May-Treanor and Kerri Walsh Jennings lost the first set against Austria Wednesday.

According to Reuters, Misty May-Treanor and Walsh lost 21-17 in the match against Doris and Stefanie Schwaiger.

According to WAFB Channel Nine, the pair won seven volleyball matches in a row in Athens and at their second Olympics together, Misty May-Treanor and Walsh won a gold medal each in Beijing.

And in London this time, they won their first two matches.

But Misty May-Treanor and Walsh were not the only pair to have lost a long winning streak. Natalie Cook and Tamsin Hinchley of the Australian volleyball team lost to a Czech team of two.

Cook expressed her gratitude for progressing as far she has.

“There are 10,000 athletes in the world every four years (at the Olympics) and I’ve done that five times. I couldn’t be prouder of that,” she said.

Before their loss, Walsh prepared herself with: “We’re strong. We’re fit. We’re healthy. We’re fast. And we’re determined. So, watch out…we’re ready. In every single way, we’re ready.”

BleacherReport contributor Jesse Reed wrote that Misty May-Treanor and Walsh are pushing past their prime years and that “it is unreasonable to expect that they should be able to keep up with the new generation of star beach volleyball players.”

Reed believes that every athlete faces a decline along with declined physical strength.


Olympics badminton scandal causes a stir in China

Several badminton players disqualified for trying to lose in the badminton scandal

A badminton scandal took China by storm when Chinese Olympics badminton players deliberately lost the game. But China isn’t the only Asian country taking slack. South Korea and Indonesia allegedly joined in on the hope to appear rise rapidly from the bottom.

The World Badminton Federation disqualified eight players from these Asian teams. The players disqualified included Yu Yang and teammate Wang Xiaoli. The disqualifications were on the grounds that the teams were “not using one’s best efforts to win a match.”

The badminton scandal stemmed from the teams’ objective of purposely losing games so they would be placed higher for the knockout portion of the game.

The badminton scandal sparked in the wake of previous suspicion of China’s performance in the Olympics.

At the Olympics four years ago, Yang even made a public apology to China, admitting that her team was not playing up to its full potential.

China’s Global Times featured an opinion piece that read the disappointment among the country.

“Match fixing tramples on sports ethics and shouldn’t be tolerated,” read the article, referring to the badminton scandal.

A public apology was demanded from the head badminton coach for causing the badminton scandal. Li Yongbo took all blame for the team’s unacceptable strategy.

Yongbo took criticism for trying to keep the team’s energy up by not pushing them hard in the earlier rounds. 

Yang bid farewell to badminton for good after the badminton scandal. But the Indonesians and South Koreans were aggravated when their teams were disqualified in the badminton scandal. They solely blame the Chinese.

Some are blaming the new competition system for the badminton scandal, and they disagree with separating losers of the match from other players.

Susan Susanti, gold medalist of the 1992 Olympics badminton said, “But I also regret the BWF’s decision that applied for the first time a competition system which gives a player a chance to lose a game in order to avoid certain opponents in the following match.” 

Tiger Woods wants to compete in the 2016 Olympics

Tiger Woods hopes to make it to number one in the Bridgestone Invitational

If Tiger Woods can make it to first place in the Bridgestone Invitational, he can make it to Rio for the 2016 Olympics. In the meantime, Woods is dubbed the world’s highest paid golfer, having grossed $61.2 million for the past year.

For the first time ever, golf will be included in the next Olympics games to take place in Rio de Janeiro.

At last year’s Bridgestone Invitational, Tiger Woods paid his dues in injuries when he took off three months, and walked 18 holes for the first time in a long time. But Tiger Woods sees a bright future in his career. He has come back and has also won seven out of 13 of his past Bridgestone competitions. 

“I feel very comfortable where I am because everything is progressing. This year I’ve taken the steps and am headed in the right direction and shot better scores and been more consistent. When you make changes like I’ve made in my game, it takes a little bit of time and things are starting to click now,” said Woods.

According to The Washington Post, Woods taking a summary of number two placement, he is predicted to easily make it into the Olympics.

Tiger Woods has also been the spokesperson for different companies. Some companies he has represented are PGA Tour video games, Nike and Rolex. The companies that abandoned Woods around 2009 included Tag Heuer, after he signed on with Rolex, and AT&T ripped up the contract at the end of that year.

But the current number one golf player is Luke Donald, who actually falls to number four in wealth.

Troy Dumais wins his first medal after four consecutive Olympics years

Troy Dumais is glad he never left diving

Olympic diver, Troy Dumais, acquired his first medal at his fourth Olympics.

Though he has considered quitting his sport, his parents helped him realize that this could end up becoming the career of Troy Dumais. Dumais expected this year’s Olympics to be his fourth consecutive time making sixth place in diving.

Fortunately for him, when his parents asked him how he would feel leaving his sport, Troy Dumais honestly responded, “Even when times were tough, I decided, ‘Yeah, I would regret it.’”

Troy Dumais, 32, is the second man to have been accepted to compete in the Olympics four times consecutively without winning a medal. The first man accepted into the Olympics four consecutive times was four-time medalist, Greg Louganis.

One of his Olympics disappointments came when Troy Dumais competed in synchronized diving with his brother and performed a poor final dive.

Alongside Dumais on the winner’s podium this year stood Kristian Ipsen, 19. Ipsen expressed his confidence upon the number of medals to the U.S.

As for the Chinese team, they have been leading the way with the gold for this competition. Luo Yutong said “Our team leaders told us that we were the closest country to win all the medals.”

The Chinese deemed winning as the best representation of their country. According to FoxNews, Yutong said, “Of course, there’s a lot of pressure but they told us to only worry about ourselves. Be ourselves. Don’t worry about the sweep. Showcase the best of China diving to the whole world, that’s what we’ve got to do.”

Proud of their performances thus far, Yutong and teammate Qin Kai are proud of themselves and believe they have helped to show their country in the light it deserves.

On finally receiving his first Olympic medal, Dumais remained positive: “Things happen the way they’re supposed to happen,” adding, “I never felt defeated. I felt more energized to do this because I was so close.”

Knight Capital down $440 million due to a computer glitch

Knight Capital stock takes a 51 percent dip from technical difficulties

Knight Capital Group’s trade dropped by 51 percent when a glitch took over the company’s trading system Wednesday, and the company is now down $440 million. Knight Capital bought a set of stocks by mistake due to computer difficulties, but then tried selling them, leading the company to a fall it may not rebound from. 

In fact, Knight Capital only made gains of $289 million in the second quarter of this year.

The drop to $3.93 in Knight Capital’s trade had major banks and retail-brokerage firms turning their backs on it, according to The Wall Street Journal.

The drop in trade that preceded big-time brokerage companies to abandon trades with Knight Capital is being dubbed a “technology issue.”

Now isn’t the only time Knight Capital has dipped. During the Facebook IPO disaster, as one of its investors, Knight Capital dropped $35.4 million in the social network’s fall. Knight Capital’s fall succeeded the company’s failure to register with NASDAQ after investing in Facebook.

Also according to The Wall Street Journal, businesses were reluctant to trade with Knight Capital even prior to the technological glitch. This hesitation to do business with Knight Capital predicts an even harder effort to regroup for the company.

Christopher Nagy, founder of the consulting firm KOR Trading called the technological glitch “the beginning of the end,” whereas TradeKing chief executive Don Montanaro said, “They have great people and technology there, regardless of what happened yesterday.”

Knight Capital is still responsible for the trades left over, which people are saying could actually mark the end of the company.

Though no Knight Capital customers have been directly affected previously by the company’s losses, Thomas Joyce, chief executive of Knight Capital, people are viewing him in a negative light due to the negative comments he made toward Facebook during the social network’s fall in May.

"Good Morning America" co-host Robin Roberts takes medical leave

Robin Roberts suffers from myelodysplastic syndrome

Good Morning America co-host Robin Roberts announced halfway through Tuesday’s program that she would be leaving the rest of the morning up to her co-host to run. Robin Roberts suffers from myelodysplastic syndrome and is scheduled for a bone marrow transplant in the coming weeks.

Roberts’s planned donor is her sister.

Robin Roberts announced to her colleagues, “Well a full disclosure here, I’m not feeling too well,” adding, “I’m going to take a little time off, just to get some vacay. I’ll see you in a couple of weeks.”

Roberts handed the rest of the show over to her co-host, Josh Elliot. Elliot made sure to keep the energy high and light in the studio by joking about Roberts’s difficulty with speaking due to a sore jaw.

“We’re going to miss you, but we do appreciate the Jimmy Cagney impersonation before you leave,” Elliot said.

Robin Roberts made her breast cancer public in the past five years, and revealed her MDS earlier this summer.

While Robin Roberts’s surgery is not scheduled for another few weeks, her vacation is scheduled for just around now. She decided to take the vacation at home during her hiatus from Good Morning America.

Robin Roberts also assured her loving fans that she is doing well, and thanked them for their support.

“Thanks for all the prayers & well wishes…same to you. Never appreciated vacation more. XO,” said Robin Roberts.

Pippa Middleton slammed by Karl Lagerfeld's comments

Karl Lagerfeld slams Pippa Middleton while comparing her physique to the Duchess

Chanel’s design successor and Fendi front man, Karl Lagerfeld, had Pippa Middleton slammed with comments about her physical appearance. According to the world-famous designer, Pippa Middleton’s back side is far more aesthetically sufficient than her face.

While Lagerfeld approves of the choice of Duchess of Cambridge, Kate Middleton, for her physique and facial features, he had her sister, Pippa Middleton slammed.

“Kate Middleton has a nice silhouette and she is the right girl for that boy, but on the other hand,” Lagerfeld continued, “I don’t like the sister’s face. She should only show her back.”

Alongside the female celebrities whom Lagerfeld deems more aesthetically worthy than Pippa Middleton, is Victoria Beckham. Lagerfeld had Pippa Middleton slammed even more so when he said, “And that body, after four children. There are not so many who have a body like that. She is very disciplined,” referring to Beckham.

The Inquistr claimed the Pippa Middleton slammed story an unfortunate one, for Lagerfeld’s high position. According to The Inquistr, Lagerfeld generally has nothing but positive thoughts to hand over to the Duchess.

On the comparison between the Middleton sisters, Lagerfeld proceeded to compliment the Duchess’s trim figure: “She knows pretty well what to wear and what to do. She has a divine silhouette so she can wear anything.”

CP Entertainment wrote, “Lagerfeld is lucky that clothes have far less feelings than his female victims.”


Pippa Middleton is not the only female celebrity Lagerfeld has held under fire with his comments. According to Contactmusic.com, Lagerfeld criticized Heidi Klum for what he viewed as her large breasts and heavier weight.

In the meantime, WebProNews predicted an angry mob of comments to launch toward Lagerfeld, as supporters will defend the slammed Pippa Middleton.


"Magic Mike" actress Olivia Munn pulls out her eyelashes

Olivia Munn copes with her anxiety by dismantling her eyelashes

Magic Mike actress Olivia Munn revealed that every new day requires a new pack of fake eyelashes. Munn suffers from trichotillomania, where her anxiety gives her the desire to tear her eyelashes out. Trichotillomania is general pulling at the scalp, eyebrows and eyelashes. A common result of this is bald spots.

Olivia Munn also stars in HBO’s The Newsroom, and while her fame and income may buy all her necessities, money cannot erase her anxiety.

“People tell me, ‘Your work won’t keep you warm at night,” adding, “But it does pay for my heat and my down comforter, so it technically does,” after commenting on childhood stress when moving frequently as an Air Force child.

Munn spoke of self-consciousness and the constant worry that she would be made fun of. “As an Air Force kid, I moved around a lot when I was younger and no one was nice to the new kid.”

While Olivia Munn suffers from anxiety and possible insecurities, she maintains a sense of humor, according to International Business Times. On her Twitter account, she described herself as, “Olivia Munn: vigilante super hero, novelty pen collector and your mom.”

Munn does not anticipate getting sucked into the business of publicity and talk, but rather keeping up her connections to remain immersed in her work, her passion.

“This career has to last for a long time.”

Olivia Munn stars in the upcoming film The Babymakers, set for theaters Friday.

Michael Phelps breaks Olympics record with his 19th medal

Michael Phelps broke Larisa Latynina’s record of 18 Olympic medals in the 200 meter

Michael Phelps strikes again bringing himself to par with record-breaking Olympian Larisa Latynina, 77. In fact, Phelps broke her record of 18 medals with a 19th medal, which he won in today’s 200 meter butterfly round.

While Michael Phelps already had the lead splashing into the Olympics with 14 gold medals and two bronze, the largest number amongst this year’s olympians, Ryan Lochte stole Day two’s Team USA medals in the 400 relay.

In that relay, Phelps came in the rear in fourth place, and disheveled, could barely look at the camera while speaking with a reporter.

Michael Phelps met Latynina earlier this year, and she gifted him a non-Olympic medal from a competition between the U.S. and the Soviet Union as a token of good luck. According to The Baltimore Sun, Latynina said she hopes to see Michael Phelps in his element, in the water, as he continues to break her record.

After proclaiming herself the best Olympian of all-time, Latynina supported her belief with, “Why do I think this? Well, I did not only compete in three Olympic Games and won many medals, but the Soviet Union team had very great success when I was the coach.”

Latynina extends her compliments and words of kindness to Michael Phelps.

To win the silver, Michael Phelps started off well ahead of his opponents, and kept up the pace in the 200 meter butterfly Tuesday.

USA Today dubbed Michael Phelps “The most accomplished Olympian who ever lived and left it to [the] rest of us to decide what that means.”