Administrators at the University of Florida found an interesting new addition to their online support services- a tabletop report in which a zombie attack occurs. According to Central Florida News, the report outlines three different phases of the hypothetical crisis: Identifying characteristics of a zombie outbreak, the overall impact of said zombie outbreak, and operational topics to keep in mind during the outbreak.
The report was then taken off of the University of Florida Web site, leaving many theories as to how it got on there in the first place.
The author--or authors--of the report discuss behaviors such as, “zombieism” and “Zombie Behavior Spectrum Disorder”, and even included an infected co-worker dispatch form to the report.
The report states, “Major metropolitan police agencies are starting to pay attention to the possibility of zombie attacks and are addressing citizen notification concerns,” The report then goes on to say that “such a team does not exist at the University of Florida; but we are confident UF administration will soon see the importance of such a group, probably situated within the University Police Department.”
Part one of the report identifies characteristics of a zombie outbreak which include: Disappearance of isolated citizens, increasing numbers of gruesome unexplained deaths and appearances, identification of difficult to kill, flesh eating perpetrators; Increasing isolation of survivors, breakdown of peace-keeping and medical services, and documentation of lots of strange moaning.
The term, “undead” is also denoted in the report stating, “Supporters of Florida Zombie Preserve Inc. insist that the term ‘undead’ clearly connotes deficiency; specifically in the absence of both life and death. Hence, we suggest here the term ‘life impaired.’”
The six page report goes on to discuss anticipated outcomes of a hypothetical zombie attack, stating that all UF staff should be equipped with devices such as blackout curtains, chainsaws, firearms, and other weaponry.
Employees with small cars are advised to work from home even in a “Romero-type outbreak” (George Romero being the director of Night of the Living Dead) since small cars are incapable of running over zombies.
Our Take
One can’t help but wonder if the sudden pop culture craze of zombies and vampires is the culprit behind reports such as this.
Today, a film is opening entitled Zombieland featuring Woody Harrelson battling the undead with machinery, booze and quick one-liners; just how a college student imagines a typical zombie battle should happen.
The report goes on to say, “Given the stress of staff to be anticipated during a zombie outbreak, employees should be given the flexibility to choose their own weaponry thereby diminishing anxiety.”
Not only do the authors of the report keep the tiny car owning faculty in mind, they take weapon-choosing anxiety in to consideration. UF administrators are staying tight-lipped about whether the report was a student project or simply just a prank and have removed the disaster preparedness documents from the website.
When asked for a statement by College News regarding the matter, University of Florida officials said, “No comment,” leaving College News to speculate that the report was indeed a hoax and the students will have to turn to a multitude of medias to fulfill their “life impaired” battle fantasies.
