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Michael DeLaney

Snapchat turns down Facebook's $3 billion offer

Just like a prom date rejection, Snapchat turned down Facebook’s $3 billion buyout offer.

Snapchat, the phone app that your friend sends you lewd drawings on, is basically the pretty girl at the dance, waiting for the right guy to ask her out. The Wall Street Journal reported that the 2-year-old company is being approached by several potential investors and buyers. Reportedly, Chinese company Tencent Holdings had already made an offer that would value Snapchat at over $4 billion.

The basic gist of Snapchat is that the app allows users to take a picture or video, layer it with drawings or short messages and send it to their friends. Once a “snap” is opened, it is only visible for a few seconds before disappearing forever; though we know that’s not exactly true.

Either way, Snapchat is an exciting trend for ages 13-25; a fact that Facebook undoubtedly knows. Facebook is like that one uncle you have that is trying to stay relevant and cool with the youngsters as he gets older. Having already purchased Instagram for $1 billion, Facebook most likely wants to stay in the young person’s game by having Snapchat under their reign as well.

Corporate investors are all agog for social media these days, particularly the mobile app variety. Following Twitter’s public offering last week, it now has a market value of nearly $25 billion. Similarly, the image-sharing Pinterest app raised $225 million from investors, valuing it at $3.8 billion.

Snapchat co-founder Evan Spiegel seems to be holding off for a better deal than what Facebook has offered. The 23-year-old CEO and Stanford dropout believes that Snapchat’s numbers will continue to grow. While the company has not released any information on the amount of users, it has stated that the number of snaps sent has nearly doubled from 200 million in June to 350 million in September.

According to USA Today, Snapchat has currently raised as much as $73 million in funding to from their investors, Lightspeed Venture Partners, Benchmark Capital and General Catalyst Partners among them.

Snapchat has no revenue or any actual business model, but right now it’s the widget that companies don’t completely understand but they need to have it. With Snapchat still being relatively young, no one exactly knows how Snapchat would go about generating revenue. The Wall Street Journal noted that in promotion of this summer’s X-Men film The Wolverine, Twentieth Century Fox started an account for the film which sent out snaps with details of the character’s history.

Benedict Evans, an analyst at Enders Analysis, predicts that more apps like Snapchat will undoubtedly appear in the race for relevancy; potentially outdoing Snapchat. Nevertheless, Snapchat is the hot commodity at the moment.

If this was Christmas 1996, Snapchat would most definitely be “Tickle Me Elmo.” And if that reference is too dated for you, then you probably use Snapchat.

Marvel announces new Netflix series, including Daredevil

Marvel continues to own the superhero game

Daredevil is getting his own Netflix show and trust me, this could actually be a good thing. Marvel has teamed up with Netflix to produce four separate series focused on a different hero: Daredevil, Jessica Jones, Luke Cage and Iron Fist. These will all lead up to a group miniseries called The Defenders, which Netflix and Marvel describe as “a dream team of self-sacrificing, heroic characters.”

Netflix has announced that Daredevil will be the first of these Marvel series to launch in 2015, followed by the three other aforementioned heroes. Similar to hit Netflix series like House of Cards and the Arrested Development follow-up, the episodes of a given series will all be immediately available to “binge watch” – we really need to come up with a new term for that by the way.

Netflix noted that “the epic will unfold over multiple years of original programming,” as well as “take Netflix members deep into the gritty world of heroes and villains of Hell’s Kitchen, New York.” In the Marvel Universe, Hell’s Kitchen has been traditionally home to Daredevil and other “street vigilantes” like Luke Cage.

The Netflix series will be produced by Marvel and ABC Television series, and each series will have a minimum of 13 episodes each.

Marvel Entertainment President Alan Fine expressed his enthusiasm for the news, saying “This serialized epic expands the narrative possibilities of on-demand television and gives fans the flexibility to immerse themselves how and when they want in what’s sure to be a thrilling and engaging adventure.”

This is the latest head grown from Marvel Studios’ ever-expanding hydra of multi-platform entertainment. Along with the highly-successful super hero series of films surrounding The Avengers, Marvel also has recently breached into the live-action TV market with Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.

The Netflix deal answers the question of whether or not Marvel was going to take another stab at the Daredevil character. Marvel recently reacquired the rights to the character in 2012 after 20th Century Fox had failed to produce a new incarnation of the hero. While the Ben Affleck-starring Daredevil film of 2003 has been a widely-considered failure, Netflix could be the solution that the “Man without Fear” needs. Here’s hoping that the Daredevil series takes cues from Brian Michael Bendis’ excellent Daredevil comic series that began in 2001.

The Netflix format could potentially give Marvel the opportunity to create a series that isn’t as diluted and dumbed down as a major network show like Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (Sorry, it’s not that great.)

Netflix is also an ideal home for characters like Luke Cage, Jessica Jones and Iron Fist, as these characters are “street level” heroes who don’t have powers and abilities on par with characters such as Thor and The Hulk. It will be interesting to see a Marvel superhero tale pan out over a longer period of time, spanning multiple series.

Marvel’s new line of Netflix series does not yet have any creative names attached to it, or any contenders for the superhero roles. But I assure you, the internet will begin speculating about that probably right…now.

Thor: The Dark World advance review

Darkness darkened the dark, darkly.

Marvel’s Thor: The Dark World is the latest outing in solidifying the company’s hold on the superhero movie business. Directed by Alan Taylor, Thor: The Dark World is a return to the solo superhero film, (after 2010’s super team-up The Avengers.) While Thor was a smashing fun time, the “darkness” of Thor: The Dark World is lacking and is a lot of what we’ve seen before.

Thor: The Dark World begins with a bit of exposition from the All-Father himself, Odin (Anthony Hopkins.) Long story short, way back when, the evil Malekith and his dark elves waged their war to destroy the universe because, darkness. But he fails and his universe-destroying weapon the Aether is hidden by Asgard.  

In the present we meet up with Thor and pals as they try to bring peace to the nine realms by smashing things with hammers and swords. Loki is imprisoned in Asgard for his (HIGHLY uncharacteristic) crimes against Earth in The Avengers, and Jane Foster (Natalie Portman) is still doe-eyed and fawning over her mighty goldilocks man whom she has not heard from in two years. Due to a cosmic event among the realms, Jane stumbles upon the Aether and is infected by it. This of course summons Malekith and his cronies to bring trouble to Asgard, and later Earth.

After getting righteously smacked down by Malekith, Odin pretty much closes off Asgard and forbids Thor from pursuing the dark elves. So Thor respects his father and does nothing, and the movie ends. Ok, no; not that. Thor and co. enlist the snakely Loki to help them escape and take on the dark elves to save the universe because, heroism.

Thor: The Dark World has a lot of problems that The Avengers did; namely the plot’s inherent vagueness. The conflict Thor faces seems like one rehashed in dozens of movies of this kind, leading to “high stakes” that never really feel that high. The villain Malekith is so damn boring, and his motivations are pretty much non-existent. The believability of Loki as villain in Thor was that we saw and understood why he became a jaded villain.

An equal strength and weakness of Thor: The Dark World is its humor. The “fish out of water” premise is what gave Chris Hemsworth his likability in Thor, but most of that charm of the character is gone in the sequel. Instead most of the laughs in the film are intended to derive from Kat Dennings’ goofy hipster or Stellan Skarsgård’s overly wacky Dr. Selvig. Another series of humorous plot points comes in the form of wormholes which transport characters across the realms with no warning at all. It’s a plot device that is smart, but you can tell the creators are holding back a bit with their imagination.

Tom Hiddleston unsurprisingly steals the show in Thor: The Dark World. The man has got a hang of this character’s ticks and clearly takes great pleasure in playing him in any given scene. The talented Idris Elba gets more face-time as the all-seeing Heimdall, which is nice; while Lost alum Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje is hardly in the film at all before he gets turned into an faceless hulked-out warrior, which is less nice. And like last time, Natalie Portman’s character is pretty much a set piece in the film. The sequel’s script doesn’t do her any favors either by making her not much more than a damsel in distress.

Thor: The Dark World is a predictable superhero movie where a lot happens, but not really a lot actually happens. Chess pieces are moved around a bit, but they are kind of just put back in their starting positions by the film’s end. More than likely to make the next sequel/crossover/$$$$$ that much easier to craft.

Thor: The Dark World opens worldwide November 8th.

Beyoncé gets a haircut: what this means for your weekend

Guys, stop what you are doing! STOP. STOP. STOP. STOP! Beyoncé has gotten a haircut that shall henceforth be known as…wait for it…the Beyoncé haircut!

The Beyoncé haircut is only a day old and it has already divided our nation more starkly than any political debate. Why would Beyoncé do this to her luscious locks? Surely there must be some kind of scientific explanation behind the Beyoncé haircut, right?

Damone Roberts, the culprit behind the Beyoncé haircut, believes that this revolutionary do’ will bring change to the world on an unprecedented scale, saying: “I assure you Beyoncé’s new haircut will be the hottest haircut to hit America since Jennifer Aniston’s ‘Rachel’ hairdo.”

What sort of change will the Beyoncé haircut bring the world? Is this is a good omen or a bad one? Financial experts have yet to comment on the correlation between the Beyoncé haircut and any change in the U.S. economy, possibly implying the worst is yet to come.

Could the Beyoncé haircut have some deeper political meaning? The pixie cut does bear a striking resemblance to Kim Jong-un, the supreme leader of North Korea. It has been a while since we have put our heads between our legs in fear of the manboy with nuclear predilections, so perhaps this is a secret message of support from Mrs. Carter. We must keep our guard up America, if Kim Jong-un can get to Dennis Rodman, isn’t it possible his reach could extend to Beyoncé haircut levels of power?

Maybe I’m looking at this the wrong way; this is Beyoncé after all, and she is like the Miss America of former Destiny’s Child members. Perhaps the pixie cut is not a slight against America at all, but a resounding cheer of support for the stars and stripes.

Recently President Obama decided to cancel his Moscow summit with President Vladimir Putin, for many potential reasons including Russia’s homosexual intolerance and offering Edward Snowden political asylum. Could Beyonce’s pixie cut be a symbol of support for her BFF President?

Then again, it could just be a goddamn haircut.

The Taco Bell Waffle Taco: The Monster Taco Lives

Somewhere in this great country of ours, resides the new symbol of freedom: The Taco Bell Waffle Taco. Taco Bell’s message to America? : “Look on my works, ye Mighty, and despair!”

The Taco Bell Waffle Taco will undoubtedly become the Megalodon of breakfast tacos. While it is nowhere near the size of the Megalodon, it will likely cause the same amount of devastation…to your taste buds!

The Taco Bell Waffle Taco consists of scrambled eggs, sausage and a side of syrup, all wrapped up in a waffle taco shell.  It has made quite the impact in Southern California, ranking as the top seller during breakfast hours. Due to this success, the Taco Bell Waffle Taco will be expanding its reach to Fresno, California; Omaha, Nebraska; and Chattanooga Tennessee starting tomorrow August 8th.

So unless you live in any of those areas, the search for the Taco Bell Waffle Taco will be just as fruitful as the search for Megalodon.

President Brian Niccol wants to widen the Taco Bell Waffle Taco net to see how more restaurants will operationally handle the Megalodon of breakfast tacos.

“You only get one shot with big items,” Niccol said, channeling his inner 8 Mile.

Taco Bell offers breakfast in around 850 locations in 10 states and frequently test-markets new products such as the Taco Bell Waffle Taco. Who knows how fast food eaters will respond to this Megalodon of breakfast foods. On the one hand, Taco Bell was widely successful with its Doritos Locos Taco; on the other hand, this is a waffle, egg and sausage taco we’re talking about.

Just think, someday after a long night of drinking you may be able to get a Doritos Locos Taco at 3AM. Then after you wake up in a hungover stupor a few hours later you’ll be able to feast yet again, this time on a Taco Bell Waffle Taco.

Here’s to the future.

Pentagram in Kazahkstan seen on Google Maps

The end is nigh!

The next time you take your daily Google Earth tour of Kazakhstan you will find the curious shape of a five-pointed-star, known as a pentagram. According to NBC News there are no other signs of human habitation in the area, begging the question of where this devilish design came from.

The 1,200ft pentagram in Kazakhstan has stirred up a great debate online among internet users who have no qualifications whatsoever in commenting on such a phenomenon. Since Kazakhstan was once a part of the Soviet Union, it is highly likely that the pentagram in Kazakhstan is a Soviet star.

But we know that the pentagram has many different meanings, most famously for Beelzebub AKA Lucifer AKA Morning Star AKA Satan AKA THE DEVIL!  

Granted, the pentagram also is a symbol with roots in other religions such as Christianity, Freemasonry and Pythagoreasnism.  That’s right, Pythagoreanism, named after Pythagoras, whom you may remember from your high school math classes. The Pythagorean theory says a2 + b2 = c2.

Well Mr. Pythagoras, I have another theory for you: the transitive property: if a=B and b=c then a=c! Therefore, if the pentagram is a symbol of the devil and there is a pentagram in Kazakhstan, then the devil is in Kazakhstan!

I knew there was something about that Borat movie that smelled funny!

And yes, that’s all I remember from my math classes. Good day.

Muppets Most Wanted teaser trailer

Muppets and Mother Russia

Disney has released a teaser trailer for Muppets Most Wanted, promising a sequel that is better, bolder and bigger. The trailer features everyone’s felt favorites, as well as celebrities such as Ricky Gervais, Ty Burell and Tina Fey.

The Muppets Most Wanted teaser doesn’t seem to reveal much about the plot however (hence the “teaser” part.) IMDB’s plot description says this about Muppets Most Wanted: “While on a grand world tour, the Muppets find themselves wrapped into an European jewel-heist caper headed by a Kermit lookalike and his dastardly sidekick.” (Note: IMDB used the phrase “an European,” not me.)

Muppets Most Wanted will be directed once again by The Muppets director James Bobin. Jason Segel, who co-wrote and starred in The Muppets, doesn’t seem to be appearing in the sequel, nor does Amy Adams. It does look like new Muppet Walter will be returning in Muppets Most Wanted however.

Other things of note from the teaser trailer:

  • The Muppet Theater seems to be up and running, with many bits and pieces of musical numbers featured in the trailer. Unfortunately one of these musical numbers happens to be a Muppet version of Moves Like Jagger. Apparently it’s a new Muppet movie tradition to riff on the latest Billboard song.
  • Ty Burrell seems to be channeling his inner Inspector Clouseau as a French Interpol inspector, while according to the reputable Wikipedia, Ricky Gervais will play the aforementioned “dastardly sidekick.” We also finally get to see Tina Fey in her much talked about “Russian GULAG officer” role. So does the Soviet Union still exist in the Muppet-verse?
  • Other celebrity guest stars included Salma Hayek, P Diddy (is that his name at the moment?) and probably a couple of fresh faces that I’m too old to recognize.

Muppets Most Wanted hits theaters March 21, 2014. Check out the trailer below:

Megalodon might hurt Shark Week

Viewers feel slighted by fake documentary

The Discovery Channel is facing a lot of opposition from its viewers this week after airing their faux documentary Megalodon: The Shark Monster Lives. The problems that people have with the Megalodon flick that kicked off Shark Week is that it was sold as a legitimate documentary and not a work of fiction.

Megalodon of course was a real prehistoric shark that was nearly 60 feet in length and had the most powerful jaw of any creature in existence. But the title pretty much says it all: Megalodon: The Shark Monster Lives (except it doesn’t).

Shark Week fans felt slighted when they discovered that the search for Megalodon was actually a search for ratings. Twitter users voiced their hashtagged cries for justice, in particular celebrity nerd and worst TNG cast member Wil Wheaton. On his personal blog, Wheaton spoke his mind in length on the megalodon matter:

 “I care about education. I care about science. I care about inspiring people to learn about the world and universe around us. Sharks are fascinating, and megalodon was an absolutely incredible creature! Discovery had a chance to get its audience thinking about what the oceans were like when megalodon roamed and hunted in them. It had a chance to even show what could possibly happen if there were something that large and predatory in the ocean today … but Discovery Channel did not do that. In a cynical ploy for ratings, the network deliberately lied to its audience and presented fiction as fact. Discovery Channel betrayed its audience.”

Discovery Channel stands by Megalodon and their decision to air it, however. Shark Week executive producer Michael Sorensen defended the program, saying:

“With a whole week of Shark Week programming ahead of us, we wanted to explore the possibilities of Megalodon,” Sorensen told FOX411 in a statement. “It’s one of the most debated shark discussions of all time, can Megalodon exist today? It’s Ultimate Shark Week fantasy.  The stories have been out there for years and with 95% of the ocean unexplored, who really knows?”

Who really knows indeed? There has been a lot of talk on the interwebs in regards to boycotting Shark Week because of this Megalodon debacle. Whether or not these angry logic-based folks will follow through is yet to be seen.

Do you think that Megalodon: The Monster Shark Lives should be getting as much flack as it is? After all, History Channel has Aliens in America and Animal Planet had a Mermaids “documentary.”

Personally I’m beginning to question Discovery Channel’s programming altogether. I bet there’s no such place as Planet Earth at all.

Breaking Bad: Top 10 moments

The beginning of the end is almost here my friends: Breaking Bad returns in five days. There are so many burning questions: What will Hank do now that he has found out about Walt? Have Walt and Jesse really retired? And most importantly, have Gale Boetticher’s karaoke videos gone viral yet?

Breaking Bad has been an amazing television experience, with edge-of-your seat tension that just keeps getting more and more intense. Before we Breaking Bad faithful return to the land of blue meth on August 11, let’s recap some of the series greatest hits, shall we?

Here are my picks for the top ten best moments (so far) on Breaking Bad:

10. Magnets, bitch! Season 5, Episode 1 “Live Free or Die”

I think that everyone gets a sort of vindication when Jesse wins (which doesn’t happen very often.) Such was the case of the “Great Magnet Scheme.” After Walt had toppled Gus Fring’s drug empire, Albuquerque PD had confiscated most of Fring’s possessions, including a laptop that had video of Walt, Jesse and Mike in the meth lab. So Mike reluctantly joined Walt and Jesse in their operation, in which they outfit a box truck with a high powered magnet to corrupt the data on the confiscated laptop. Though the most jovial part of this outing was when Jesse discovered that his plan would work and exclaimed “Magnets bitch!,” the execution of the plan was equally entertaining. Seeing all of the materials in the evidence room slowly glide to the opposite wall was quite a treat, and of course when Walt turned up the magnet all the way, causing the truck to tip over. While this was a prime example of Walt being greedy, I like to see it as more of a win for our boy Jesse. Yaaay Jesse!    

9. I.F.T. Season 3, Episode 3 “I.F.T.”

Skyler gets a lot of grief from viewers, which I always take umbrage with. The woman never asked for a life like this and now her drug dealing hubby just won’t stay out of the house. So in an attempt to prove to Walt (and herself) that she still has some control over her life she begins an affair with her boss Ted Beneke. It isn’t until the end of the episode when Walt is ready to sit down to a meal with his family that Skyler stares him dead in the eye and says matter of factly “I fucked Ted.” She nonchalantly proceeds to sit down and begin her meal, and the credits roll. Skyler can break bad too.

8. Hank gets shot Season 3, Episode 7 “One Minute”

It was certainly clear early on that the hangman’s noose was tightening around Walt’s neck. The Salamanca twins were coming for him, seeking revenge for the death of their cousin Tuco. This of course was a problem for Gus Fring, not wanting to lose his number 1 cook. So in an effort to kill two birds with one stone, Gus sent the twins after Walt’s brother-in-law Hank, who had actually killed Tuco. Hank exits the DEA offices after being sent on a suspension for beating the Christ out of Jesse. He gets in his car and receives a phone call saying that someone is going to attack him in one minute. Hank freezes, looks around and then is visited by the twins, who empty a lot of bullets into poor Hank. He manages to smash his car into one of the twins, crippling him and shoot the other one in the head. It was a gripping experience sitting with Hank in that car, waiting for the unknown to arrive.

7. Walt’s jail murder orchestration Season 5 Episode 8 “Gilding Over All”

The end of Season 5 of Breaking Bad had Walter White pulling another full measure: a Godfather-styled mass execution of the ten loose ends from Gus Fring’s empire. Like Michael Corleone, Walt has become an emotional zombie, taking out human threats like they were the fly that he tried so desperately to get out of his meth lab in Season 3. He recruits the aid of Vamanos Pest employee and current sous chef Todd, who gets his connected uncle in on the dirty deeds. Todd’s uncle has ties with Aryan Brotherhood members inside many of the New Mexico prisons, and orchestrates the deaths of the loose ends. It’s a murder plan taking place in multiple prisons simultaneously, all within two minutes. It’s a hard scene to watch, as we see inmates shanked and set on fire by the Aryan Brotherhood, all to the tune of Nat King Cole’s “Pick Yourself Up.” It’s a chilling display of Walt’s venom, proving once again that you do not mess with Heisenberg.

6. Walt kills the gangbangers Season 3 Episode 12 “Half Measures”

Breaking Bad has often shown us that Jesse Pinkman has a fondness for the youngins. He covered for his little brother’s pot smoking and tried to scold the ATM meth heads for “raising” their son in one of the nastiest drug dens we’ve seen on the show. So when Jesse got to know fellow recovering addict Andrea and her son Brock, he learned that Gus’ thugs were hiring kids like her younger brother Tomas to do their killing. After Gus told Jesse to keep the peace with these particular drug thugs, Tomas was found dead. Jesse knew that these dealers were behind it and was about to have an old-fashioned shoot out with them when WHAM! Walt’s Pontiac Aztek comes out of nowhere and mows down the two dealers. He gets out of the car, picks up one of their guns, and shoots them point blank in the head. Walt turns to Jesse and says “Run.” Chills my friends, chills!

5. Walt poisons Brock Season 4, Episode 12 “End Times”

Walter White is a bastard you guys, sometimes I still can’t believe he did this one. The end of season 4 had Jesse beat the crap out of Walt, seemingly breaking the two of them up forever. So Walt was now on Jesse’s shit list AND Gus’ kill list, and he needed to find a way to get Jesse under his thumb once more. Andrea calls Jesse in a panic, saying that Brock is sick and the doctors don’t know what’s wrong with him. Jesse notices that his ricin-laced cigarette is missing, thinking that Brock got a hold of it somehow, possibly at the hands of Walt. Jesse accuses Walt and comes very close to shooting him, but Walt convinces Jesse that Gus must be behind it all. As the audience, we wanted to believe Walt as badly as Jesse did; how could Walt be so cold? It wasn’t until the following episode that we discovered that Brock was poisoned by a flower called lily of the valley, of which Walt had a huge potted plant in the back yard. Damn you Walt!

4. Jesse shoots Gail Season 3, Episode 13 “Full Measure”

The end of season 3 put Jesse and Walt into the corner, with seemingly no way out. Jesse was on the run from Gus, who was searching high and low for him; ready to put his head on a pike. Walt was still cooking in the lab, once again joined by fellow nerd Gail, but he knew he was a marked man just the same as Jesse. The only way to assure that Jesse and Walt would be safe from Gus was taking an insurance policy out: killing Gail, making Walt (and Jesse) essential to keep Fring’s operation moving along at the pace it had been. Walt had intended to do the deed himself, because what’s one more death on his hands? But push came to shove, and Gus’ henchmen Mike and Victor got to Walt before he could get to Gail, leaving it in Jesse’s hands. Jesse arrived at Gails apartment, clearly conflicted about taking a life, and eventually pulled the trigger. Walt, why do you hurt Jesse so?

3. Janes death Season 2, Episode 12 “Phoenix”

In the Season 3 episode “The Fly”, Walt tells Jesse “I’ve lived too long.” He relates ta perfect moment for his life to have ended, with his family covered and his hands not as filthy as they would eventually become. The moment he is referring to is the night Jesse’s girlfriend and fellow addict Jane died. Jane was unpredictable, and addict who was blackmailing Walt and manipulated Jesse even better than Walt could. Walt goes to Jesse’s apartment, to try to get the fella off of the drugs. He finds Jesse and Jane passed out on the bed after a wild heroin trip, and then Jane starts to choke on her own vomit. Walt’s first instinct is to go and help the girl, but then he freezes and chooses that he’s better off with her out of the way, letting her die. This sin of omission wasn’t his first major one, but it was a defining moment where Walt truly began to lose his soul.

2. Gus Fring turns Two-Face Season 4, Episode 13 “Face-Off”

There are so many wonderful Gus Fring moments: When we discovered that the fried chicken king was a drug lord, when he poisoned the Mexican cartel and of course when he slit Victor’s throat with a box cutter. But for my money Gus’ best moment was his last one. The usually clever and composed Gus fell into Walt’s trap by coming to the nursing home where Hector Salamanca was living, believing that the old man had turned snitch. Just as Gus is about to kill Hector, the old killer looks Gus in the eye and rings his bell repeatedly. Gus’ face is filled with horror as he knows what’s about to happen – BOOM! The room explodes, and Gus walks out, apparently still breathing; but NO! half of his face was blown off. And in traditional Fring fashion, he straightens his tie before dying.

1. “Say my name” Season 5, Episode 7 “Say My Name”

Throughout Breaking Bad’s run, Walter White has had many moments of greed and power grabbing. He’s gone from a timid pushover to a drug lord kingpin in a years’ time. In that time one thing has become very clear: dude has got an ego. We have witnessed Walt’s stubborn pride get him into countless scrapes, and usually it’s that same ego that gets him out of those quandaries and quagmires. The penultimate episode of that season showed Walt in a position where he was now running all of the methamphetamine business in the southwest. When he meets with rival drug runner Declan, he makes full recognition of this monopoly and demands Declan’s respect. Declan denies knowing who Walt is, prompting Mr. White to say the wonderful line: “Say my name.” Declan responds by saying Walt’s nom de drugs: “Heisenberg.” Cue Walt’s amazing response: “You’re goddamn right!” Best. Opener. EVER.

Megalodon is a mega load of crap

Discovery lowers their standards

It is Shark Week on Discovery Channel, and all of your white friends are probably totally jazzed. The 26th Annual Shark Week began with a two-hour documentary called Megalodon: The Monster Shark Lives. The documentary detailed the search for the prehistoric shark Megalodon, but guess what? The whole thing was bogus.

Megalodon: The Monster Shark Lives was sold to audiences as the real deal, raising questions as to whether or not the 67-foot-long shark still exists today. The documentary turned mockumentary focused on a team of researchers on the coast of Cape Town, South Africa searching for megalodon.

What viewers most likely missed in the program was a disclaimer in Megalodon’s final moments that stated:

“None of the institutions or agencies that appear in the film are affiliated with it in any way, nor have approved its contents. Though certain events and characters in this film have been dramatized, sightings of “Submarine” continue to this day. Megalodon was a real shark. Legends of giant sharks persist all over the world. There is still debate about what they might be.”

Gawker reports that Megalodon: The Monster Shark Lives was an easy-to-spot phony from the get-go. The report indicated that the talking head interviews of Megalodon “seemed acted, not candid.” Megalodon also seemed to employ some of the shoddy CGI work that we see in similar Shark movies on Syfy.

While Discovery’s Shark Week typically runs fact-based, scientific programs, Megalodon was just a flat-out-lie. Perhaps Discovery is getting a little worried about shark competition from Syfy, whose made-for-TV flick Shardnado is getting a lot of word-of-mouth coverage.

Sharknado has been frequently trending on social media since its July premiere, and is even being screened at actual movie theaters. So it would seem that with Megalodon: The Monster Shark Lives, Discovery is realizing what Hollywood has known for years: Americans don’t want to learn, they want to be mindlessly entertained into a state of intellectual apathy.

You whored yourself out Discovery.