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America Still Recovering from Miley's Twerking

Millions negatively affected

In a show that glamorizes over-the-top celebrities, Miley Cyrus’ VMA performance did more than steal the show. Thrusting and gyrating her way into the minds of viewers, burning the corneas of millions of horrified spectators, Cyrus held the world in her hand for one brief moment.

Miley Cyrus’ dance moves, known forever as “twerking,” were heralded by critics. Independent polling post-show revealed that 76 percent of Americans felt permanently scarred by her performance while 22 percent immediately canceled their TV/Internet package. A distant two percent of the population has yet to respond to questions, preferring to seclude themselves from all social contact.

Urban Dictionary defines “twerking,” as: “The rhythmic gyrating of the lower fleshy extremities in a lascivious manner with the intent to elicit sexual arousal or laughter in ones intended audience.”

Miley’s father, Country music superstar and Parent of the Year recipient, Billy Ray Cyrus commented on his daughter in one simple statement, saying, “Maybe I should have stepped in.”

20-year-old Miley Cyrus has been quick to exploit her core fanbase of over-sexed Disney stars, let down parents and teary-eyed senior citizens wishing for a “simpler time.” Album sales have skyrocketed, YouTube views have soared, while faith in American society plummeted to an all time low. Recent surveys have indicated national morale hasn’t fallenthis quickly since the Cuban Missile Crisis or the cancellation of the Arsenio Hall Show.

All other media outlets refuse to comment.

 

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