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Corey Demaline

Living with PTSD: Advice and Support

When we first hear or read about Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), we may assume it is military-related and the brutal after effects of war. PTSD isn’t just a diagnosis for military personnel. It is also the effect of any significant trauma in one’s life such as abuse, death, or various types of mistreatment that leave a person with mental despair and instability. Those suffering with PTSD (either military or non-military related) lead worrisome lives that not only affect the individual, but also their family and friends. In many cases, an individual living with PTSD will experience nightmares and night terrors, paranoia, anxiety, depression, resentment, confusion, rage, and in some cases, even seizure activity. Social gatherings and large crowds could send a person with PTSD into a state of panic and cause severe anxiety and paranoia. Depending on the traumatic event(s) that led them to having PTSD, symptoms will vary from mild to extreme. Many people suffering from the disorder are oftentimes prescribed anti-depressants and anti-anxiety medication to help ease the symptoms. However, these medications should not be used as a “cure” for PTSD, but rather as an aide to help manage daily life. If you are living with PTSD, know that there are ways to help manage the disorder and work through the struggles. As someone who personally suffers from PTSD, I’ve come up with a few tips that have helped me over the years:

1. PTSD symptoms should not be viewed as “No Big Deal”
Many people who experience significant traumatic events often assume the after effects are no big deal. They are a big deal. Our subconscious mind is much stronger than many of us believe. What might not affect you right now could affect you later down the road. For instance, if you suffered from abuse at a young age and never sought counseling, PTSD symptoms could arise later in life. As you get older, you might start experiencing nightmares or a sense of fear when you are around someone who looks familiar to the person who hurt you as a child. Whether it’d be their age, sex, or attire, something as miniscule as their scent could trigger your mind to become unstable. You could begin to feel anxious, nervous, or scared to be near them or in the same vicinity. This is a big deal and should not be taken lightly. Understand that what happened to you is not something you should brush off. Consider seeking professional help.

2. Do not be ashamed to seek support and professional help if you are living with PTSD
Even if you’re unsure of your condition and whether or not you suffer from PTSD, you should never feel ashamed to seek professional help. No one deserves to live in fear or experience night terrors on a regular basis. You deserve to lead a happy life as much as the next person and therapy can help you get to that point. By communicating with a health professional, you’ll learn to open up and deal with your traumatic experience(s). A licensed therapist/psychologist will help you to better understand your emotions and offer support on how to manage your symptoms. There is no cure for PTSD, but with the right counseling you can gradually learn to accept, forgive, and move forward.

“You are still here, you are still breathing, and you are still living”—Corey Demaline 

 

3. No two mental health professionals are the same
If you are living with PTSD and choose to seek therapy from a licensed professional, understand not every therapist/psychologist is the same. Each professional has their own therapeutic method and practice. Personally, for me, I saw four different therapists until I finally found one who worked best for me. This is so important! If you feel your current mental health professional is not right for you, it’s more than okay to walk away and find another. This is about you and improving your wellbeing. If you feel like you cannot open up to your current therapist/psychologist, chances are you might never make progress with your condition. Some professionals are more holistic, whilst others might have a more clinical approach—and this is okay! Just be sure you find one that works best for you. It’s a relationship; a connection, between patient and counselor. No two cases of PTSD are the same, and neither are mental health professionals.

4. Lean on family and friends
Something that many people who are living with PTSD struggle with is communication. We have a tendency to bottle up emotions and never truly express our feelings. Oftentimes, we feel like a burden to our family and friends and we fear what others might think if we were to openly communicate our feelings. Two common symptoms of PTSD are shame and embarrassment. Never feel you cannot express yourself to the people who love you most. Your family and friends may not be licensed therapists, but they have been a part of your life for some time and might know you better than you think. Talk with them—they are part of your support system.

Suffering from PTSD is not your fault. PTSD does not mean you are not strong or brave, it means you have dealt with something so traumatic that many others may never have experienced, and your brain cannot cope on its own. This is okay! No person should ever have to experience what many of us who are living with PTSD have experienced. We desperately want to be like everyone else walking down the street; lead a normal life with normal thoughts and dreams. But no one is actually normal. We all suffer from our own demons—some of us just need a little more support than others, and this is nothing to be ashamed of. PTSD does not define you; it’s just a small part of you. You are still here, you are still breathing, and you are still living.

Further reading: Mental Health Awareness in School

Give Yourself the Power to Say "No" in Relationships

Throughout our lives we’ve often been told that relationships are hard. It takes patience, empathy and a lot of compromise to make a lasting relationship work. More than anything else we want to make our partner happy, which in turn makes us happy. But many of us compromise so much in a relationship that we find ourselves sacrificing a large part of who we are which can lead to unhappiness. There’s a little word we sometimes forget, scared of the outcome if we use it—that word is “no”.

Saying “no” is good for your relationship

Saying “no” to things you absolutely do not agree with is not a bad thing. In fact, it’s probably the best thing you can do for yourself and for your partner. If you continually agree with your partner on decisions you don’t actually support in case it prevents arguments or saves the relationship—it won’t. There’s a big difference between compromising and sacrificing.

We all go into relationships with some idea of what we want and do not want. We should never give in to what we feel deep down is wrong for us, whether it’s deciding to attend the same college, move in together or get married. What you want in life is just as important as what your partner wants. At the end of the day, you have to live with whatever decisions are made. For instance: your partner suggests that you attend their college and you agree. But you know in your heart this is not what you want. You’ve just made a bad decision not only for yourself, but for your relationship as well. Sure, the smile on your partner’s face when you said “yes” is a beautiful image, but does their smile make up for the unhappiness you now feel?

Unhappiness can affect your relationship

Saying “yes” to things you do not agree with can often lead to feelings of frustration and resentment towards your partner. Even though they’re happy, deep down you’re battling the opposite. Eventually, the unhappiness you’re feeling will surface and when it does, you’ll wind up with a very confused partner and a wounded relationship.

One of the biggest reasons we’re afraid to say “no” is because we fear the worst—a break up. But isn’t being in a relationship you’re unhappy with worse? If there is an issue that you feel is wrong, say “no”. This doesn’t always mean the relationship has to end. You might be surprised to find your partner is actually okay with your opposing viewpoint. Chances are, they’ll respect you more for telling them how you truly feel. Not every “no” will be an ultimatum. But if it is, wouldn’t you rather be with someone who wants the same things as you? And for your partner, too?

Yes, relationships are hard, but they shouldn’t be so hard that you find yourself miserable at the end of each day. Do not live in fear of the word “no”. It’s a small word, but a powerful one. You might not want to say it, but sometimes you need to.

You might also enjoy: Fear of Failure

Using LinkedIn

LinkedIn is one of the most popular business-oriented networking websites ever utilized. Business professionals from every industry imaginable take advantage of its dynamic features. These include private messaging, company and user profile pages and specific groups that offer useful information for any one line of work. Because LinkedIn is vastly growing and diversifying its features, many new users may find the website overwhelming at first glance. Here are five tips to help you navigate your way around and create a profile page that stands out amongst the millions.

1. Less is more.

Many users utilize LinkedIn regularly, skimming over hundreds of profile pages in search of prospective clients and new contacts in a specific industry. Many times we come across certain profiles that are filled with an overwhelming amount of information, including every project they’ve worked on and every job they’ve had over the last 50 years. While this seems acceptable, it can be too much. Companies searching for new employees do not always have time to read over every detail of a user’s work history. Less is more. Eliminate the small things and focus on key areas. For example, include the areas of work you’re most proud of like awards, major projects, promotions or recommendations/references from colleagues. This will stand out the most to the types of users you wish to network with.

2. Limit your searches.

Unless you plan to purchase a premium LinkedIn account (which can be costly over time), try to limit the amount of searches you perform each month. Whether you’re trying to locate new prospective clients or contacts, LinkedIn provides its basic account users with a limited amount of searches every month. If mid-October hits and the network informs you that you’ve hit the maximum amount of searches for the month, you will no longer be able to view multiple pages in a search until the beginning of November, as this is when your search “data” replenishes. So keep this in mind when seeking out users.

3. This is business, not Facebook.

After becoming a member on LinkedIn, you may start to notice political, rather opinionated posts or what some may consider inappropriate photos. LinkedIn was strictly developed for business-networking, not social media purposes. Be mindful of what you post. If it doesn’t involve business, keep it off of LinkedIn. If you think no one outside of your network of connections can see the things you post, you are wrong. Yes, you can make certain features private, but this isn’t the case for everything on LinkedIn. Be smart about it. If you are unimpressed by a specific posting, chances are so is an executive scouting for new talent. Remain professional and understand that if a connection of yours can view what you’ve posted, so can others—one way or another.

You’ll also enjoy: 5 Tips For Reducing Stress the Day of Your Job Interview

 

4. Punctuation and grammar.

Treat your LinkedIn profile page, postings, and conversations as you would with anything business-oriented. Punctuation and grammar play a large role in where you stand both professionally and educationally. For users who struggle with run-on sentences and capitalization, or favor abbreviations like “TBH” or “IMO”, this can present a problem, especially if you’re a job seeker on LinkedIn. Remember, just about anyone can see what you post, including almost any comment. Think of LinkedIn as a job interview that never ends. You want to appear as educated and professional as possible at all times. Double check your spelling and word use before sending any message or posting any comment.

5. LinkedIn is not a dating website.

Believe it or not, many users have this wild idea that LinkedIn ties into Match.com. Do not be one of these users. I’m not saying you can’t meet the love of your life on LinkedIn, but do not utilize it with only this in mind. A large percentage of users take advantage of LinkedIn’s features for one reason only: to network with like-minded business professionals. Do not create a LinkedIn profile page thinking you can land a hot date for Friday or a one-night-stand for Saturday. If you do decide to romantically pursue a user you find attractive, understand they might not give you the response you’re looking for. There’s a good chance you will be shot down even if the person you’ve sent a message to is single. It’s unprofessional to hit on someone in the workplace, and it’s unprofessional to do it through LinkedIn, too.

LinkedIn is a fantastic networking tool for anyone looking to expand their clientele, find a new job or meet new people in specific industries. Keep these five tips in mind and your LinkedIn experience will be most beneficial.

Learn: How to Build a Resume the Right Way

#CoreysThoughtsOnLove: I'm religious, but my partner is not: Can it work?

Relationship vs. Religion: How do you choose?

You attend church, but they don’t. Your partner goes to bible study, but you decide to go out with friends instead. Whether you follow a religion or not, it’s a personal choice that each of us make. But, when two people fall in love and decide to make serious long-term decisions for a life together, it can go one of two ways: up or down. Many couples face this struggle very early on and it can either strengthen or kill the relationship. When a person is completely dedicated to their religion, they like to encourage others to join them at their place of worship or educate those who are unfamiliar with their desired faith. But, when the one person you love more than anyone else in the world does not agree with your said beliefs, this becomes a major issue.

Religion isn’t just about what a person presently believes, it may lead back to their upbringing and their future beliefs for a family. More than likely they will want to raise their children within their place of worship or have them attend a religious school that will continue to educate them outside of the home. Their morals, values, and beliefs could revolve around their religion. Not only will this affect the relationship as it currently stands, but also in future plans.

If you’re the religious one, try to place yourself in their shoes. Were they raised with religion? Do their parents believe or follow? Have they ever attended a place of worship? Are they at all educated on religion? If not, try to understand their point-of-view. They may be intimidated or scared of entering the unknown. Who could blame them? Religion is badmouthed quite often and if they’ve heard more bad than good, they may be hesitant to explore such an area.

If you’ve tried to show them the good side in hopes of opening their mind to your world, that’s all you can do. From that point, it’s up to them. You cannot change a person and you shouldn’t try to unless they are willing to accept the change for themselves. If they truly feel exploring your religion would be the best thing for THEM (not just for you and the relationship), then great. If not, don’t force it. Do not try to change a person because it’s what’s best for the relationship, because in the end, they may resent you for forcing them into something they’re unsure about. If they change, it should be because they want to, not because you want them to. Love is about ensuring each other’s happiness and if you’re pushing them into a world they don’t want to enter, you’re doing it for yourself, not for them.

If you truly love a person and want them to be completely happy, let them be who they want to be. If that means you must let them go because the two of you will never agree on religious views, then so be it. You deserve to be happy as much as they do. Why would you want to compromise your religious views in order to save the relationship? And why would you want to force your significant other to believe what you believe? It’s not fair to either person. It’s not an easy decision, but no decision is when it comes to love. Maybe one day your partner will be open to the idea of religion, but maybe not. How long are you willing to wait for your partner to come around to the idea? On the other hand, your partner could be thinking the same thing about you. When will you finally let go of your religion so the two of you can move forward with your relationship? It all comes down to communication. Together you must decide what is more important: religion or the relationship? Try to change them or allow them to be who they want to be? With any decision there’s a consequence.

Whatever you both decide, just be sure you’re happy with the end result because love cannot survive without happiness.

First annual AP Music Awards, a success

Interviews with Yellowcard, Silverstein, Miss May I, Mayday Parade, Chiodos, Memphis May Fire and more

Dedicated fans hugged the railings late afternoon as their favorite alternative rock bands and musicians walked the red carpet outside of Rock Hall. Attending the inaugural Alternative Press Music Awards were several press, news anchors, journalists, and social media gurus, lined up with their camera crew to interview and photograph rock artists like Joan Jett, Ice-T, Aerosmith’s Joe Perry, and Smashing Pumpkin’s Billy Corgan. Also making an epic appearance were band members from Korn, Yellow Card, Paramore, Silverstein, Mushroomhead, and many more.

Hosting the red carpet was suited up wrestler CM Punk and the Voice’s Juliet Simms. Screaming fans couldn’t get enough of the duo as they acknowledged their audience, preparing them for what was to come next.

Fans placed their vote in several categories such as Breakthrough Artist, Album of the Year, and Best Live Band. Black Veil Brides was honored with Most Dedicated Fans award, All Time Low received Artist Philanthropic for their dedication to SkateForCancer, Pierce the Veil was awarded Best Live Band, and United Kingdom’s Bring Me the Horizon took home Best International Band. Some band members were individually recognized and awarded in categories like Best Drummer (Mike Fuentes), Best Bassist (Jaime Preciado), Best Guitarist (Phil Manansala), and Best Vocalist (Brendon Urie). Several other honorable awards were given to legends like Joan Jett (Icon Award presented by Blackstar Amps), Billy Corgan (Vanguard Award), and Slash (Guitar Legend Award).

Outside of the actual awards were performances some only dream to witness live on stage. Panic! At The Disco’s Brendon Urie opened the ceremony with a memorable Frank Sinatra performance, nailing each song and mannerism to a tee. Joan Jett, known for her radical tunes and powerful messages, included artists like transgender band member Laura Jane Grace from Against Me and Slash, who just happened to be in town Sunday for a sold-out show at the Hard Rock, to join her on stage for what turned out to be the best performance of the night. Also added to her performance was Cleveland’s Billy Crooked of the Vacancies in the first song of her set. Not a single fan looked elsewhere as Jett lit up the stage.

It wouldn’t be alternative rock if something explicit wasn’t said or seen. However, some artists left fans puzzled and disengaged. Ice-T’s performance with his band Body Count included repetitive lyrics like “talk s**t, get shot”, adding to the already overused profanity throughout the lengthy song. Another performance rumored to be disappointing, as heard throughout the crowd within seconds of it ending, was Fall Out Boy’s one and only song. Immediately following their short performance, phrases like “that’s it?” and “only one song?” spewed from the mouths of dedicated (and let down) fans. For the last performance of the night, Fall Out Boy didn’t leave much of a “wow” factor.

Setting aside two questionable performances, the first annual award ceremony ran smoothly and experienced minimal audio and visual complications. Even so, any error was quickly corrected and saved by quick wit from its presenters and MC Blink-182’s Mark Hoppus.

Topping off the evening was the after party held inside Rock Hall which included a DJ, excess room to dance, and a tour of the museum. Beer, cocktails, and wine were served amongst band members, media reps, and those fans who purchased exclusive VIP access. Rock Hall called it a night around 2 a.m. It’s no question whether or not fans and even more epic bands will be attending next year’s AP Music Awards, rumored to be held yet again in Cleveland, Ohio. This is just the start in the growing support for alternative rock music.

 

Check out more interviews from the AP Music Awards on our SoundCloud

Interview: Tyler Glenn talks about the new Neon Trees album, pet peeves and coming out

Neon Trees lead singer chats with College News

Formed in Provo, Utah, Neon Trees captured the attention of Ronnie Vannucci Jr., drummer for The Killers, leading them to be The Killers’ opener for their North American tour in 2008. This was just the start of Neon Trees’ road to success. Not long after touring the band was signed to Mercury Records and, in 2010, released their first album “Habits”. Their first single “Animals” took off as it climbed to No. 13 on the Billboard Hot 100 and No. 1 on the Alternative Rock chart. Their name soon spread. They’ve been seen on shows such as Live! With Regis & Kelly, The Tonight Show with Jay Leno, David Letterman, and Late Night with Jimmy Fallon. In the last four years Neon Trees has released an EP along with two other albums. The American rock band is currently touring their latest album titled Pop Psychology. We were fortunate enough to talk with lead singer, Tyler Glenn, about the climb into fame, life on stage, and his very recent coming-out story and how it all ties in with his faith in the Mormon community.

Your fashion sense is impeccable! Who would you say your style icon is?

Oh man, I used to draw a lot from glam rock and punk. Lately it’s been David Bowie’s 80’s era where he wore those really nice tailored shoes. They were really colorful and I loved that kind of look. A lot of it has been my own eye though. I’ve been into clothing since I was twelve.

What was it like transitioning to stardom? Overwhelming, exciting, chaotic?

I think it’s been a nice, steady climb the last five years. It’s nice how busy we’ve been. It’s not this chaotic scheme where we can’t leave the house or anything. But it’s getting to be more overwhelming; I’m trying to sort out who I am on stage and off. I think the biggest transition was being thrust into big audiences and learning how to develop that persona.

Speaking of big audiences, do you guys prefer a large audience/venue over the smaller ones now?

I don’t think we have a huge preference. I think we just really enjoy when it’s a full room, whether it’s small or big. It’s that feeling of being jammed into a room and everybody enjoying the music.

Which artist would you want to collaborate with in the future?

Well, if he was still alive, I think Freddie Mercury would have been great. It would be interesting to see what he’d still be doing with music. But I think Cindy Lauper is a real icon, and I think people forget is still so fantastic. I like digging through the older generation of artists and meshing with something new. I’ve always thought she was really great.

Neon Trees music videos are always bold with color and nostalgic to past time periods such as the 50’s and the 80’s. How do you get ideas for music videos?

Lately I’ve been really into John Lautner’s movies. I’m really inspired by the “larger than life” sort of “Roger Rabbit”, “Cry Baby”, and “Hairspray” kind of thing where it’s really cartoon-y but it’s live action and really colorful and big. I like that kind of stuff.

They often have a cinematic quality to them. Ever thought of getting into the film or television industry?

Yeah, I have a lot of ideas. I don’t know if I’d be an actor or what though. I did three of the music videos  myself for this album. It was really fun to edit together. I think I have an eye for movement and edit. But, right now I’m a singer and I think I’ll stick to this for awhile.

What was your reaction the first time you heard a song of yours playing on the radio?

I still react the same today. It kind of helps you stop and see … okay, we’re a part of something that people think is important or relevant, and that’s always nice. It’s easy to feel really small in this industry and under appreciated because there’s so much music and you’re not always the one being talked about. But it’s really great to play shows and have people sing along. It’s great to just hear your song in a store, on the radio, or in a restaurant. It’s a reminder that you’re making something that’s sort of poking through and that people are enjoying.

When you came out to Rolling Stone in April, were you nervous or did you feel comfortable? Do you think you would’ve felt more nervous 20 years ago when homosexuality was less accepted?

I wasn’t nervous because I had come out to people who were really important in my life. That’s not to say fans aren’t important to me, but I had come out to the people I interact with every day. That was the more nerve-racking thing, just wanting to know that they had still loved me for who I was. As much as you get told people will still love you when you come out to someone, it doesn’t make it any easier. It’s still something you have to reveal about yourself. Unless you’ve ever had to do that or hide something about yourself and then tell them, you don’t really get it until you do. It’s such a silly thing to hide and you realize that once you do come out. People don’t care and they don’t think about it. A weight was lifted before the article came out. It was more interesting to see how it was accepted and how many people ended up talking about it and caring, which is really interesting because I didn’t think it would be that big of a deal. I’m glad that it’s being used for good, and I’m glad that anyone who read it received some hope and light.

What was it like being in a long-term and serious relationship with a woman?

I mean, I had dated girls my entire life and I was in love with my girlfriend from high school because that’s what I knew. I hadn’t really explored my feelings, as far as being gay, until my 20’s. It wasn’t really a reality I was dealing with, so when I was dating my girlfriend in my 20’s I got really good at compartmentalizing. It was just this thing that I kept in the back of my mind. But I realized it’s not a way to live, to compartmentalize, and it’s not a way to go about your life. Once we started touring I didn’t date anyone. It’s actually been about five years since I’ve been in a (dating) relationship. Yeah, it’s hard. The biggest thing for me was that there wasn’t any closure after we broke up, that is, until I came out recently. She wrote me this really beautiful email and we reconnected. Everything seemed cool and it was great. I enjoyed that I could actually get some closure and I think she did, too. She was an important part of my life, but it was something that I was dealing with on my own and that I needed to finally let off my chest.

Any advice for people, especially teenagers, who are contemplating coming out?

See, I have no idea what it’s like to go to high school these days because I hear it’s a lot more accepted every where. For me, my high school experience was scary because being gay was definitely not okay and you were reminded of that on a daily basis, so it was something you were kind of forced to hide. But I really think it’s getting more to the point where it doesn’t matter. I just encourage people to live the truth, but be safe and know your situation. I don’t want to carelessly say “be bold and come out” and then have an uncomfortable situation, but it’s no way to live – to hide. I guess that’s my two cents on the whole thing.

Did being from a Mormon community have any sort of impact on you deciding to come out?

 I think when I came out it was definitely the idea of wanting to … the whole thing was about self-acceptance. I wasn’t only accepting, yeah, this is my sexuality, this is what my attraction is naturally. It was also accepting this is how I dress, this is how I dance, this is how I do my hair, this is the faith that I believe in, this is the political views that I have. It was accepting the whole package. I still believe in God and I still believe in a lot of the teachings of the church that I went to all my life. It’s hard because there are things that butt heads within my religion and also the way I’ve chosen to lead my life. So instead of throwing it all out, I’ve decided to figure it out and see what I can do. I think that’s the more powerful message – be honest and say this is who I am, this is what I’m doing right now in my life.

What can fans expect from Neon Trees over the next three years or so?

Well, we’re touring our new record right now. We just started a couple days ago and it’s been really fun to just bring it to the road and bring it to the crowd. We’re doing that throughout the summer. I feel like we’ll probably be touring the record for at least another year, that way everybody who wants to see it has a chance. And then possibly another record. Right now it’s “Pop Psychology”.

What are some of your biggest pet peeves?

I hate dishonesty. I know that’s probably an obvious one. I also don’t like air conditioning. I think it creates everything so sterile. I guess as a vocalist I like things to be pretty warm. I don’t like messes. I like things kind of orderly. Sometimes it’s difficult to be on tour because you share a space with a bunch of other people. Those are the ones that come to mind.

Jaw-dropping duo returns for MTV’s EMAs: Miley Cyrus and Robin Thicke

Back by popular demand, Cyrus and Thicke take the stage on November 10th

Just admit it, you watched the 2013 MTV VMAs and found it to be one of the most entertaining events of your life. Okay, probably not, but it was a sight to see, given Miley Cyrus’ demonic behavior. I can only imagine how much you’ve enjoyed visualizing her nonexistent form of a buttocks vibrate against male vocalist (and, might I add, married man) Robin Thicke’s lower half. I’m here to proudly announce the duo is back in action!
 
Robin Thicke and Miley Cyrus have signed on to perform at this year’s Europe Music Awards on November 10th. It’s still a mystery whether or not the epic twosome will be performing together, but I’m sure we won’t be disappointed. Other music artists who have agreed to performed at the EMAs is Snopp Dogg, Imagine Dragons, Katy Perry, The Killers, and Afrojack.
 
Miley Cyrus, daughter of country music artist Billy Ray Cyrus, has been nominated for four awards including Best Female and Best US Act. In a popular re-posted tweet, Miley Cyrus is seen with personal assistant, Cheyne Thomas, standing on top of her suitcase, as her trusty “Biew Biew” (Cyrus’ nickname for Thomas) attempts to zip it up (the suitcase, not her lips – or her pants, for that matter). The somewhat sane pop vocalist includes in the tweet, “[P]acking with biew biew” and adding, “Amsterdam here we commmmme.” Ready or not she’s on her way, Europe!
 
Highly successful recording artist Robin Thicke has been nominated for four EMA’s including Best Song and Best Video for “Blurred Lines”, Best World Stage, and Best US Act. “I am grateful and excited to be nominated and performing at this year’s EMAs. I know it will be an amazing night!” said Thicke.
 
I don’t doubt for one minute the highly anticipated award show will be anything less than amazing. But in closing, I have an inkling that “amazing” may not be the word used when referring to Cyrus’ upcoming performance. Have no fear, I can assure you a more appropriate word will be used after viewing Miley Cyrus on stage at MTV’s EMAs on November 10th. Stay tuned!

How Do You Know?

Learning the forms of love

 

We can all admit there was that one person (or several) during our junior high and high school years we thought was “the One”. A select few may have even married their “high school sweetheart”. Others probably dated someone for a few years and eventually went separate ways. But how do we know if what we shared was actually love? Or was it infatuation? Or lust? How do we know what we had with someone in the past isn’t what we have now, or think we could eventually have in the future?

Whether you’re in a new or long-term relationship, married, separated or divorced (yes, I actually know of many college students who have gone through each), we do wonder about our previous loves. We wonder why the love we feel now is different from the love we felt then. If we’re single, we ask ourselves if we’ll ever find a love in the future like the one we had in the past. Maybe our current relationship is on the rocks, or maybe it’s at its peak. Understand that each one will feel and live out to be different than the last.

Reason being, there is more than one type of love and different ways to love someone. Friendship, marriage, flings, what have you, they each come with unique responsibilities and goals. When you romantically love someone, you envision certain things. You picture a potential future with them. This is normal. After all, that’s usually why you date someone, to see if they fit well with you and you with him or her. But let’s say things change; your dreams, or theirs, redevelop. The two of you end and you’re back in the dating world. Now what? Was it all real? Were you two just living in a fantasy? Did you really love one another like you said everyday?

Honestly, yes, you probably did. Don’t assume that what the two of you had was just an exaggerated form of lust. Did they interact with your friends? Did you introduce them to your family? Did you confide in and trust one another? Did you make plans? Take trips? Compromise? Laugh? Cry? Show affection? That’s not fake – that’s life. What the two of you shared was a form of love. It may have not been everlasting, “until death do us part” love, but it was certainly love.

There will be days you’ll miss it. You’ll think about the great times you shared, the memorable conversations and the minutes, weeks, or years you’ll never get back nor share with anyone else. You wonder if you’ll ever find this kind of love again. And then it happens. You meet someone fantastic and the two of you hit it off. Things are going great, you’re happy again and love is in the air. But is it real? You thought it was real last time and it wasn’t. How do you know if what you have now is the real deal?

There is no right answer to this. There is no rulebook or manual that teaches a person the forms of love. The only possible response to such a specific question is this:

Time.

You’re probably thinking, “That’s it? Okay, Yoda. Thanks for nothing.”

I hate to break it to you, but time is the only way you’ll know if what you have is the kind of love that lasts an eternity. For starters, you need to stop comparing what you have now with what you had then. There is a reason why some relationships end and others don’t. Believe it or not, you probably already know the reasons. Why did the two of you go your separate ways? What was it about them that made you want to explore something else? Did they ever tell you why they broke it off? If you don’t know these answers, find out. If you don’t find out, you’ll always wonder and this in turn will eventually affect your current or future relationship. It’s a little thing (which is actually a big thing) called “closure”. It’s more important than you think. If you don’t know why your previous relationships ended, you’ll never know how to keep your current one going.

Failed relationships are a part of your past for good reason. You need to learn from them. Whether or not you’re bitter or resentful from what you had before, you need to accept what happened, learn from it and be sure to never make the same mistakes again. Your past loves should teach you the qualities you liked and disliked about a person. You should have learned how to compromise, apologize and let go. More than anything, you should have better learned yourself.

So if you’re still questioning your past, you need to deal with it before deciding on your future. If your partner loves you, don’t make them question it because you’re unsure of your love for them. Talk to them about how you’re feeling. If you’re truly comfortable with expressing your thoughts, you should be able to talk to them about this. Believe or not, this conversation will probably bring the two of you closer. Remind them you’ve been in love before and felt love this way for another person. It’s okay for them to know you’ve been in love more than once because chances are, so have they. Not all of us instantly know whether someone is “the One” for us. What you’re feeling shouldn’t be frowned upon – you’re human. There’s nothing wrong with discussing your level of love for one another.

The only person who can truly answer the question “is this the real deal or not?” is the two of you, which you will learn over time. How will you know?

You’ll be together forever. Cheesy, I know, but it’s that simple.

Top 20 Party Schools and Sober Schools

The 2014 Princeton Review spills the beans

 

The results are in! Parents all across the country wonder if their children are actually benefitting from the high cost of a college education; whether or not they’re truly sending their recent high school grad to the best university for them. Sadly, a big part of this has to do with the amount of alcohol they’ll be consuming throughout the next four years.

Of course, no obedient, ambitious freshman would ever take advantage of dorm room parties or Greek Week, right? If they are actually able to convince their parents this is true, maybe they should avoid Princeton Review’s top 20 party schools and look into the top 20 sober schools. Ultimately, the decision is theirs. Here’s the list:

Top 20 Party Schools:

1.     University of Iowa, Iowa City, Iowa

2.     University of California, Santa Barbara, Santa Barbara, California

3.     University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign, Urbana, Illinois

4.     West Virginia University, Morgantown, West Virginia

5.     Syracuse University, Syracuse, New York

6.     University of Florida, Gainesville, Florida

7.     Ohio University, Athens, Ohio

8.     University of Wisconsin-Madison, Madison, Wisconsin

9.     Penn State University, University Park, Pennsylvania

10.   Lehigh University, Bethlehem, Pennsylvania

11.   University of Georgia, Athens, Georgia

12.   Florida State University, Tallahassee, Florida

13.   DePauw University, Greencastle, Indiana

14.   University of Mississippi, University, Mississippi

15.   University of Texas at Austin, Austin, Texas

16.   Miami University of Ohio, Oxford, Ohio

17.   University of Maryland, College Park, Maryland

18.   Tulane University, New Orleans, Louisiana

19.   University of Vermont, Burlington, Vermont

20.   University of Oregon, Eugene, Oregon

Top 20 Sober Schools:

1.     Brigham Young University, Provo, Utah

2.     Wheaton College, Wheaton, Illinois

3.     College of the Ozarks, Point Lookout, Missouri

4.     Thomas Aquinas College, Santa Paula, California

5.     U.S. Military Academy, West Point, New York

6.     Grove City College, Grove City, Pennsylvania

7.     Wesleyan College, Macon, Georgia

8.     U.S. Coast Guard Academy, New London, Connecticut

9.     U.S. Naval Academy, Annapolis, Maryland

10.   Calvin College, Grand Rapids, Michigan

11.   City University of New York-Brooklyn College, Brooklyn, New York

12.   City University of New York-City College, New York City

13.   City University of New York-Queens College, Flushing, New York

14.   Mills College, Oakland, California

15.   Agnes Scott College, Atlanta/Decatur, Georgia

16.   Franklin W. Olin College of Engineering, Needham, Massachusetts

17.   California Institute of Technology, Pasadena, California

18.   Simmons College, Boston

19.   Wellesley College, Wellesley, Massachusetts

20.   Xavier University of Louisiana, New Orleans

No matter what school parents discourage kids from attending, both lists contain well-known, prestigious colleges and universities. To be honest, it doesn’t matter what kind of reputation a school holds. If they graduate with a four-year degree, earning respectable grades, they’ll do just fine in life.

Paralyzed man must crawl, twice, thanks to Delta Airlines

D. Baraka Kanaan sues for “great physical and emotional suffering”

After confirming with a representative from Delta Airlines he would be provided with assistance getting off his flight to Massachusetts, former college professor D. Baraka Kanaan never thought he’d find himself on hands and knees crawling to his wheelchair.

The embarrassing process for Mr. Kanaan consisted of crawling down the aisle, exiting down a flight of stairs and across a tarmac, all the while in the presence of Delta Airlines attendants and several passengers; not one person, he claims, offered assistance.

Mr. Kanaan suffers from partial paralysis in his legs due to a tragic car accident in 2000.

Mr. Kanaan’s initial flight was canceled due to poor weather. He was rescheduled to depart the following day and when he arrived, Mr. Kanaan was told he didn’t have an aisle chair to help him get out of his seat, nor was a lift being provided to assist him in getting off the plane.

Shocked, D. Baraka Kanaan asked flight attendants what he was supposed to do to which, he claims, was told, “I don’t know, but we can’t get you off the plane.” Mr. Kanaan also claims he could see a lift from a distance at an adjacent gate.

The Air Carrier Access Act requires both airlines and airports to “provide boarding assistance to individuals with disabilities by using ramps, mechanical lifts, or other suitable devices where level-entry boarding by loading bridge or mobile lounge is not available” for any airplane with a seating capacity of 31 or more passengers. Whether or not Mr. Kanaan boarded an airplane of this capacity is still unknown.

Mr. Kanaan, 40, states that the incident caused “great physical and emotional suffering.”

Before his return flight home to Hawaii, D. Baraka Kanaan called Delta to report the incident and also to verify that the proper assistance would be available to him this time. But when Mr. Kanaan arrived at the boarding station, he said a flight attendant told him the assistance he requested was yet again unavailable.

Generously enough, the boarding attendant offered to lay down a piece of cardboard on the ground so that his “best suit” would not get dirty. Once again, D. Baraka Kanaan was forced to crawl on the ground. After he returned home, Delta Airlines offered Mr. Kanaan 25,000 “sky miles” and a $100 voucher for the inconvenience. He turned down their sympathetic (more like pathetic) offer, in fear he would face the same humiliating situation again.

This is not the first time Delta Airlines has behaved in such a way. In 2008, a woman with muscular dystrophy was forced to crawl off two separate flights with Delta Airlines. In his complaint to the court, Mr. Kanaan states, “Just a year before, Delta received no less than 5,000 complaints against it and was ordered to pay record breaking fines for its persistent ‘egregious’ treatment of disabled passengers.”

Delta Airlines has refused to comment on either matter. D. Baraka Kanaan is seeking compensatory and punitive damages, to which will be determined at trial.