Find out why your love nest has been empty lately–and what you can do to change it
The enigmatic qualities of women challenge men every day. Getting a girl’s number is hard enough alone, but picking up those digits is even harder with a cock block. What’s a cock block? A cock block is anything that stands in the way of you progressing from suggestive smiles to steamy sex. Beware of the 15 worst cock blocks of all time, and learn how to avoid them before your next hook-up:
Cock Block 1: The Unattractive Best Friend
The hot chick often has the not-so-hot, not-so-cute, and not-so-interesting sidekick who attempts to control the evening out of jealousy.
Unblock: The simple solution is to grab a wingman who really owes you one. Buy them both drinks all night and have a good time. Getting the friend to like you will win over the hot chick, because you showed them both a good time.
Cock Block 2: Living with the ‘rents
Sure, living with your parents saves you tons of money in rent and time cleaning up your own mess. But bring a girl home at two in the morning to find your dad watching Star Trek reruns in his boxers and she too will vanish into deep space as well.
Unblock: Moving out should be on your to-do list. Until then, recommend going to her place for the sexy shenanigans.
Cock Block 3: Annoying Roommate
The annoying roommate could be hers or yours. Either way, trying to get naked when they continue to burst in, play awful music or to lecture you on proper morals, kills the mood.
Unblock: You could take the passive route: the tie on the door, play your own music or sneak around. Or you can be brave and firm and tell them to behave so you can misbehave–and lock them out for an hour.
Cock Block 4: Overwhelming Hen House
Trying to pick up one girl when she is with 10 of her closest friends is like Sarah Palin trying to write a book: it only ends in disaster and tons of laughter at your expense. If you are not a complete Casanova, do not attempt.
Unblock: Just as with the controlling friend, now is the time to divide and conquer. Think of a three-ring circus; if your friends are putting on a few other shows, they can’t focus in on you as much.
Cock Block 5: She Likes your Best Friend
Taking interest in a girl who likes your friend can result in friendship disaster or painful heartache. You can’t get to her because her mind is completely wrapped around trying to get to him.
Unblock: If your best friend does not like her, you have a chance. Plainly showing your interest will stand out. Girls like guys who like them back. But be careful. Losing a friend for a chick might not be worth it–so don’t step on your bro’s toes.
Cock Block 6: The Long Distance/Semi-Serious Boyfriend
She has a boyfriend who lived 2,000 miles away and she sees twice a year. Or she has a boyfriend who is not really a boyfriend at all. Does having a half-boyfriend mean she can’t sleep with other guys?
Unblock: Let her know you are interested. If she is too, she may be willing to step out for a fling or break it off with the other guy.
Cock Block 7: You’re Totally Smashed
You’re your own worst enemy. You have been pre-gaming since your class ended at 3:00 p.m., and now you are totally wasted now.
Unblock: Stay sober enough to be in control. When she wakes up to you peeing out her window in the middle of the night, you most likely will not be invited back.
Cock Block 8: Bros before Hos
Constant guys’ nights and 3-on-3 basketball tournaments don’t leave any space for women.
Unblock: Tell the guys no and block out time for you and girls…and don’t ask if you can meet them after your sex-capade. She won’t be back for a round two.
Cock Block 9: You’re Egocentric
You talk about your job, your work-out plan, your classes and how once you hooked up with that girl from The Real World. No women will be able to get close to you because your head is so big.
Unblock:If you make it about you, that’s all you get…yourself and Rosie Palmer. Take an interest in your interest.
Cock Block 10: Bodily functions
Burping contests with your bros amuse only them. Women are not impressed with your gas. Ever.
Unblock: Get some manners!
Cock Block 11: Awful Clothes
Clothes say a lot about a person. You don’t want to be Pauly Shore of the bar or party. Because no one wants to go home with that guy.
Unblock: Don’t go too eccentric in order to be unique, but rather find a style that works for you. And NEVER wear Crocs.
Cock Block 12: Your Place
Wonder why you have never found a chick who enjoyed hooking up in your shower? Maybe it is because she would rather pee outside than even go there.
Unblock: Everyone has minimal standards. Just make sure yours aren’t lower than hers.
Cock Block 13: Your Friendly Friend
Your friend or roommate monopolizes the conversation between you and the hot girl YOU just met and introduced. She doesn’t know you are interested because you can’t get a word in.
Unblock: Interrupt him and invite her to go somewhere more private. He will get the hint. If not, stop introducing him to girls you like until he gets the message.
Cock Block 14: Environment
Screaming “WHAT?” every five second over loud music hardly gets to closer to screaming “OH YES!”
Unblock: Find a chill environment and she will be more likely to open up…
Cock Block 15: Virgins
She has never had sex. She has only been in one relationship and that was in high school.
Unblock: I said it once, and I’ll say it again. If you are looking for a night of no-strings attached action, look for her frisky friend.