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Sissela Murav

Sissela Murav is a recent college dropout, whose fondness for reading has led her to writing, which in turn has led her to College News. She hopes to one day disentangle herself from lowlife-dom.

Juicy J twerk scholarship

$50,000 to the best ass-shaker

 

Juicy J, rapper from the now-separated rap group three 6 Mafia, is undeniably a humanitarian–a philanthropist, even. He is now willing to offer $50,000 to any 18-25 year old college student who best displays their twerking skills. If you haven’t heard, to “twerk” is to bend over, ass-facing forward, and proceed to jiggle-shake or pop one’s hindquarters.

To win the coveted prize, the girl must create a YouTube video demonstrating their “assets and creativity.” In other words, how well they can suspend themselves upside-down while still managing to pop their butts up and down.

All butts aside, applicants must be enrolled in a 2-4 year college or university, and will be judged by peers—fans will vote for the top ten videos, and our benevolent benefactor will then choose from among those lucky few.

Collaborating with Juicy J on his rear-ended endeavor is World Star Hip-Hop, who are so accurate in saying: “As a staunch supporter of education and women in general, Juicy J is committed to improving the opportunities in higher learning.”

Or, as he would say, “Spin around the pole while you’re doing splits/by the end of the night might earn you a scholarship.” Juicy J, maestro of rhyme and magnanimity. 

Tami Erin bares it all

The actress who played Pippi Longstocking is involved in a sex tape scandal

Tami Erin, the little-known actress who played Pippi Longstocking in “The New Adventures of Pippi Longstocking,” has a supposed sex tape, soon to be sold. The actress, whose only claim to fame is her forgotten role as Pippi, the pigtailed unconventional youth, has dirtied our image of the innocent ingénue, forever besmirching our beloved childhood mischief-maker.

The sex tape is making its rounds, getting “shopped around” to potential buyers. Amid these reports of taped trysts, our defamed actress denies involvement. Erin spoke to TMZ live, claiming innocence and betrayal by an ex-boyfriend—“We broke up recently and I’m really angry about this. This was private, it wasn’t public.”

Although TMZ says the tape was made without Tami Erin’s knowledge, our beloved Pippi Longstocking is still eternally deflowered. 

New York Times Attack

cyber attack by the Syrian Electronic Army disables the Times’ site, continues to inhibit use of site amid mounting political unease and rising rumors of U.S. military action

 

The New York Times continues to suffer under the hands of the Syrian Electronic Army, who has disabled the Times’ website and has not yet loosened its grip.

 The SEA is loyal to Syrian president Bashar Al-Assad, and has been especially active in recent weeks, as they are the alleged culprits of the large-scale Twitter hack, which crippled the website for more than 20 hours.

These cyber attacks come in the midst of mounting political unrest, as the Syrian government is being accused of chemical warfare on civilians of the opposing party, and is facing subsequent military action from outside nations.

The New York Times took to twitter while still in the trenches, announcing that the virtual incursion is “most likely the result of a malicious external attack,” cementing the rumors of SEA besiegement.

The group is thought to have used a denial-of-service attack, causing the website to deny access to users due to overwhelming of the site. The SEA denies malicious intent, saying that the attack “was going to deliver an anti-war message,” …”for #Syria and for world peace.”

As the most favored news site on the web, and with over 30 million unique users each month, the New York Times is a substantial platform for political propaganda, and could potentially incite further unrest in today’s calamitous climate—which is surely the aim of the SEA-caused Times outage.