For some elusive reason, guys are obsessed with the notion of being a “player.” Every guy wants to be the guy who walks into a bar and leaves with the phone number of any girl he makes eye contact with. But let’s face it, if you’re reading this article, you’re not that guy-- yet. Knowing the three pick-up mistakes Players-in-training repeatedly make will not only help you avoid foolish situations, but will also raise your level in the game. Anonymous pick-up specialist, The Player, and the folks at eHarmony are here to help.
1- Using gimmicks to augment poor social skills
Anyone who’s ever been to a bar can name at least one pick-up fail. The guy tries to do a trick to get her attention. He lies about his job to make himself appear more impressive. He tells a stupid joke. He orders the lady a drink, this one much stronger than the one she already has, but even alcohol isn’t going to warm a decent girl up to this dude.
“Real men do not need tricks. They do not need flat-out lies (however, a little tweaking now and then is acceptable). They absolutely do not get a woman drunk to take advantage of her,” say the experts at eHarmony in their list of tips for first dates. Guys who actually get numbers are gentlemen, and their confidence, class and consideration warms the ladies up.
2- Believing all women respond to the same things
The definition of insanity is to do the same thing over and over and expect different results. A pickup mistake that the unrefined dater makes is to believe that all women are recipes, responding to the same steps the same way, say the eHarmony staff. Every girl will not race to your bedroom because you were elusive. Not every girl will fall in love with you because of your sensitivity. Nor will a woman like the same lines you used on the girl across the bar. Women have similarities, but they also have great differences. Expand your game, your approaches and your repertoire. Women are like art -- all made of paint strokes and canvas but individual masterpieces each. Want to be a pickup artist? Start with appreciating the art.
“The Player,” the relationship guru who anonymously writes books and offers dating advice for sites like askmen.com, has seen this one first-hand. He writes, “I found myself in the Southwestern desert with a friend and his lover. I loved every moment of the sanctuary. But that was me. He had always hated the outdoors. So why was he there? Because his newest lady friend enjoyed camping. She also enjoyed hours at the mall and watching man-hating movies. My friend used to hate all those activities, but now he participated in them.”
While there is nothing wrong with compromise, the mistake in over-assimilation is the loss of a guy’s individuality. When you become a yes-man just to make her happy, your connection becomes false and you turn into an emasculated drone in her eyes. A quality girl will enjoy a guy who has his own thoughts, has his own likes and dislikes and has the balance between doing what she wants and what he wants. Appeal is borne from great personality and the presence of a spine. My friend never learned that.
The hardest part about these three mistakes is that they are so easy to make and, at times, seem like a logical course of action. But they are counterproductive and beneath you. Be confident, be a gentleman, and remember that if you mess up, take your lesson and keep moving. The college years are a time for learning, which often involves trial and error. Take our advice, apply it to your pickup routine, and hopefully by the time you earn your degree, you’ll have perfected your game too.