For almost every girl, those first few weeks when you're getting to know someone can be filled with nerves, excitement and expectation. Ever wonder what a guy really thinks during those early encounters with you? With help from Christian Carter, author of best-selling e-book, "Catch Him and Keep Him", now you can know. But beware, you may not like what you discover.
The Case of Different Mindsets
It happens all the time: Girl meets boy, girl falls head-over-heels for boy, girl thinks everything is going great, but boy suddenly stops calling. Girl never hears from boy again.
If this has happened to you, you know how disappointing it can be. But if you understand a guy's process when it comes to dating, you can save yourself a lot of frustration and instead set yourself up for the kind of lasting love you're looking for with the right guy.
“Men and women think about the early stages of dating very differently. Women often try to read too much into their early interactions with men, which then leads them to think that after the first few dates they're in an instant relationship,” writes Carter in his monthly newsletter.
That means a girl will often think she's in a relationship with a guy when he's still feeling things out. So she becomes too available, too eager, and too invested in where this is all going. She also starts expecting things from him - she assumes they're going to be seeing each other every weekend, she gets annoyed when he doesn't call her more often, or she assumes an exclusive relationship instead of actually discussing it.
Suddenly he feels pressured, and she loses that cool-girl vibe that attracted him in the first place.
Slow down if you want him to speed up
“When a guy asks you out for a second or third date, all it means is he's interested in getting to know you better, because he felt a good connection with you on date #1, writes Carter.
“It doesn't mean that he necessarily wants to be exclusive or is already thinking about a serious relationship.”
But if you're already thinking ahead to the next few months when this is the only guy you're seeing, you're doing yourself a disservice. You've already made a decision about him, and you don't even know him that well yet. All you're doing is going by the chemistry you feel when you're with him. Bad idea.
What you really want to do is take a cue from guys and use those first few dates like they do - as a fun learning process to meet different kinds of people and spend time with them in a no-pressure way.
When you're not focused on "where things are going", you give each other the freedom to enjoy each other's company and make smart relationship decisions. You also become attractive in the process, because a guy will sense that you're not making him the be-all and end-all of your life. That's when the right guy will feel motivated to take things to the next level with you.