It’s one of those tricky little parts of a relationship: when to say “I love you.”
There are so many things to consider. First of all, is it true? Let’s assume the answer is yes. Problem #2: When should you say it? After a few drinks at the bar? When you’re laying in each other’s arms? Over lunch? And then, perhaps the greatest issue of all: What if your partner doesn’t say it back?
First things first: take a measure of the relationship.
Deciding to say “I love you” is a big step and there is no easy way to go about it. But you can possibly avoid a world of hurt if you take a good look at your relationship before blurting out those three little words. If you have been a couple for a significant amount of time, chances are that you’re going to hear the sweet response “I love you too.”
However, if you were friends first, and a relationship just developed along the way, you may be able to confidently drop the L-bomb a little sooner. (How long have you known each other + How long you’ve been together = I love you?)
Second, consider the intensity of your relationship.
Would you say that you are just hooking up? Are you exclusive? Do you introduce him as your “boyfriend” or is the relationship still in that awkward grey area where you just use his name, and let the person figure out that you two are together?
If you’ve been dating on-and-off for a few months, chances are that if you say “I love you” you won’t hear it back. If you’ve been dating exclusively for a few months, and had the “what’s-up-with-us” talk (and came out of it with the conclusion that you guys are together), your chances of hearing a reciprocal “I love you too” are better, if that’s what important to you.
Logistically, when is the right time?
There’s no hard and fast rule for that. If you are in love with the person, it may be hard to wait until that lovely candlelight dinner to let them know. Whenever you do it - when you’re watching a movie, in a crowded restaurant, in the car on the way to the gas station - is fine. Generally, it’s never a bad time to be told that someone loves you. (I recognize that there are exceptions, but overall it’s a nice thing to hear.)
If you’ve decided that you are really in love, taken measure of your relationship, and are just bursting inside, the only thing left to do is just do it. Rip off the bandaid and say it. Worst case scenario, the response is “Oh. Thanks.” or “Uhh, oh, okay.” Best case scenario, you’ll hear “I love you too.” Either way, at least the burden is off your shoulders.
The best and easiest time to say “I love you”?
When you are in love and are sure the other person is in love with you. Unless you’re a mind reader, saying “I love you” will always be a crap shoot, but the payoff is can be great. That’s probably why we all keep playing the game of love.
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