“I don’t love you anymore.” It’s one of the worst sentences a person can hear, especially when it comes out of the blue in the middle of what you thought was a good relationship. You thought things were moving along nicely and suddenly they hit you with the revelation that they’re not that into you anymore. Why would this happen? How is it possible? Is there something you could have done to prevent it? Here’s the harsh truth: a surprise break-up is only a surprise for the one getting dumped. Here are some likely reasons for why your sweetie gave you the boot.
1. They’re Bored
One major reason why someone falls out of love is sheer boredom. In fact, in the 2010 Great Male Survey, askmen.com readers cited this as the number one reason why their girlfriends left them. When you’re in a long-term, committed relationship, it’s easy to start taking things for granted and slipping into a routine that is comfortable and boring. Particularly during the college years, people want to see and do new things all the time. They want to get their hands dirty, make a few mistakes and really let loose. If you can’t keep up, you may be in danger of getting left in the dust.
2. They feel neglected
You may think that you’re doing enough to make your partner feel appreciated and loved, but unfortunately he/she may be feeling differently. Especially with girls, as they are growing up, they pick up the incredibly annoying habit of pouting instead of talking when something is bothering them. Yes, it’s infantile and unproductive when your sweetie fails to talk about her insecurities, but she puts up with plenty of your unappealing idiosyncrasies too. A.K. Boyle, PhD, offers the best --and simplest-- solution in his article “Get the Love You Need:” do what you think is enough to keep him or her happy -- and then do some more.
3. There’s someone else
Sometimes it’s hard to pinpoint exactly what makes someone fall out of love, but in the case of the other Mman/woman, the reason is clear. Most of the time, a person who is happy in her/his relationship won’t go out looking for a replacement, but love (or lust) happens in unexpected of places, and is especially easy to find on a campus full of like-minded singles. It is never an easy thing to deal with when your partner falls for someone else and the chance of a solution that doesn’t hurt anyone’s feelings is virtually nonexistent.
4. You grew apart
We all change as time goes by, and in college, we change quickly. Sometimes the person you got together with becomes someone you don’t recognize after a while. “A person’s views and desires on things like goals, priorities, integrity and relationships often alters significantly during the college years, even changing from month to month,” writes A.W. Chickering in his book, "Education and Identity".” It’s possible that the reason your sweetheart is falling out of love is simply that their needs, priorities and goals are different than they were when you started dating. Or, perhaps you’re the one who’s changed.