How to plan for a threesome

Follow College News’ step-by-step guide to ensure your Ménage à trios is not a Ménage à blah

WRITTEN BY: Editorial Staff
How to plan for a threesome

Somewhere in the universe, the stars aligned and the cosmos granted you the ever sought threesome. Good for you! But now what? If you are feeling a little lost, a little nervous or a little confused, read our guide to organizing a near-cinematic night of fun.

1. Choose your type.

The first, and perhaps most important, step in planning a threesome is to decide the combination of people involved. Quinn, student, recommends to “make sure there are at least two girls and no dudes.” But, of course, you might be enticed by other options, such as two men, one woman; three men; and three women. By making this choice, you ultimately narrow the scope for whole will participate. Some men do not feel comfortable in a threesome with another man, and some women would like to experience a threesome only with other woman. Be sure to figure out what you're comfortable with.

2. Plan the guest list.

Creating a good dynamic for your threesome will be the key to a pleasurable experience. “It can't be someone that either of the two primary sexual partners have any romantic interest in whatsoever, and vice-versa" advised Cameron. "Threesomes are about fantasy and sex. Also, it's helpful if the person is a mutual friend that you're both comfortable with; their sexual history should not be in question.”

Yet many advise against engaging in freak-in-the-sheets activities with good friends, let alone your significant other.

Law student Kim explained that, “I personally think it's best to keep it casual and avoid having group sex when intense romantic or commitment-type feelings are involved. It keeps the insecurities and jealousy to a minimum and everyone is free to just enjoy being hot and naked together.”

3. Consider the aftermath before the event.

Kim’s advice certainly leads a threesome organizer to think about the reality of group sex. Crazy, steamy sex comes with a price, often. If the threesome involves any participants who are not completely willing, insecure or maintain even the slightest feelings of jealousy, the whole pleasure party could quickly turn into a disaster.  Mull over the possible ramifications to a relationship with your partner before engaging in a threesome. For example, will you trust that your partner will be faithful afterward? Will you still be secure in your relationship, or will what happens in the threesome remain only in that very moment?

4. Pick a location, time, and state-of-mind.

While this may sound strange at first, planning where you have your threesome could make all the difference in the world. After all, your small dorm room or apartment might not be the best choice if you have a roommate. Furthermore, your adventure should not be burdened by time.

Next, consider the memories your trio-romp will leave behind. If you are a couple, are you both fine with inviting another person into your bed, which the two of you share?  If not, consider a hotel room, which can be a neutral location for all parties. If the threesome happens to go badly, at least you can leave it behind further than simply changing your sheets.

Also, be sure to discuss beforehand if alcohol or any other mind-altering substance will be allowed.  While both can help people lower their inhibitions, and make you feel more comfortable, they can also let the flood gates of regret tremble.  A clear mind steers all people in the direction they feel most confident...without a triple walk of shame the next day.

5. Check the facts and gather your equipment.

Knowing each person’s STI and HIV statuses in every sexual encounter should be a priority, especially if you are engaging in non-monogamous sexual activities.  The memories of your threesome should be much more fond that a herpes outbreak. Be sure to have plenty of male and female condoms, dental dams, lube and whatever else you need.  Digging around your nightstand for the box of condoms you swear you had for emergencies will probably kill the mood and leave you out of the hot, hot action!

6. Break the ice.

So, after all this planning, just how do you just start this magical night? Student Kiel suggests luring both partners slowly, and then moving forward from there.

“The best way to start would be to have the girl you know best cuddling up with you and you start kissing her. Then you could invite the friend over to sit with y'all, now knowing that you want to enjoy her as well. If she comes, you hope the first girl would progress to licking your neck or rubbing your body, while you start kissing the other girl to open the evening.”

It's a great way to make all partners feel comfortable in a progression, rather than just stripping down and jumping into bed. 

7. Hide this guide!

Don’t out yourself as a threesome novice by leaving this guide as the last thing on your internet browser.  Leave your awkward moments for when you accidentally pull on the other guy’s boxers.

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